Comments on: understanding expectations http://www.moritherapy.org/article/understanding-expectations/ making lives better, making better lives Thu, 09 Feb 2012 10:02:52 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.1.3 By: Dano MacNamarrah http://www.moritherapy.org/article/understanding-expectations/comment-page-1/#comment-627752 Dano MacNamarrah Sun, 11 Jan 2009 01:26:02 +0000 http://www.moritherapy.org/article/understanding-expectations/#comment-627752 I may be wrong, but I think the issue lies in the inference of the word "picky". It smacks of finicky, relentless high standards, fuss and almost a sort of elitism. If the word were maybe changed to "mindful" or "careful" , I doubt that statement would carry such an impact. Cricket and I went out with some one last night for my birthday. It was already loaded with passive-aggressive crap I wrote about on my site. But at the end of the meal, "Junior" was asking Cricket to finish one of the two bowls of Vietnamese rice-pudding. In fact, after about three times, he was begging! She finally shut him down after the fifth "NO". The fact is that there are far too many people spending too much time on what others do, think, believe, etc. and not taking care of their own side of the street. To this day people voice complaints to me, if I've missed a social event, even though they know I have huge mental health issues. If it were a simple, "We missed you" it wouldn't be bad. But there is always more. I would suggest staying away from this thoughtless person in the mornings! Oh, and I have not been commenting on your blog so much, because I moved you to the mental health professional widget, which I don't check as often. I'm working on it, and am off to look at the quiz. <em>Dano MacNamarrah's last blog post..<a href='http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/danomacnamarrahblogspotcom/~3/507816172/dog-cat-and-rat-show-us-hope.html'>The Dog, The Cat And The Rat Show Us Hope.</a></em> I may be wrong, but I think the issue lies in the inference of the word “picky”. It smacks of finicky, relentless high standards, fuss and almost a sort of elitism.

If the word were maybe changed to “mindful” or “careful” , I doubt that statement would carry such an impact.

Cricket and I went out with some one last night for my birthday. It was already loaded with passive-aggressive crap I wrote about on my site.

But at the end of the meal, “Junior” was asking Cricket to finish one of the two bowls of Vietnamese rice-pudding. In fact, after about three times, he was begging!

She finally shut him down after the fifth “NO”. The fact is that there are far too many people spending too much time on what others do, think, believe, etc. and not taking care of their own side of the street.

To this day people voice complaints to me, if I’ve missed a social event, even though they know I have huge mental health issues. If it were a simple, “We missed you” it wouldn’t be bad. But there is always more.

I would suggest staying away from this thoughtless person in the mornings! Oh, and I have not been commenting on your blog so much, because I moved you to the mental health professional widget, which I don’t check as often.

I’m working on it, and am off to look at the quiz.

Dano MacNamarrah’s last blog post..The Dog, The Cat And The Rat Show Us Hope.

]]> By: isabella mori http://www.moritherapy.org/article/understanding-expectations/comment-page-1/#comment-351835 isabella mori Sun, 16 Dec 2007 18:01:34 +0000 http://www.moritherapy.org/article/understanding-expectations/#comment-351835 zubeldia, thanks for your comment, and i'm sorry your last post got eaten up! very interesting point here: "How does one define ‘reasonable’? Should your parents provide you with basic care and not neglect you? it seems reasonable to want this, but if it’s not coming your way and never did, then what do you do? I don’t feel resentment toward my parents for this - not in the least - but the cost to me is quite high" it shows how, especially in childhood, expectations and self-worth are intertwined. it also shows how easy, almost inescapable, it is to conclude that there are only two ways of dealing with unmet expectations: resentment and self-effacement. this is so interesting, i think i'll turn it into a new post. stay tuned, and thanks for the inspiration! zubeldia, thanks for your comment, and i’m sorry your last post got eaten up!

very interesting point here:

“How does one define ‘reasonable’? Should your parents provide you with basic care and not neglect you? it seems reasonable to want this, but if it’s not coming your way and never did, then what do you do? I don’t feel resentment toward my parents for this – not in the least – but the cost to me is quite high”

it shows how, especially in childhood, expectations and self-worth are intertwined. it also shows how easy, almost inescapable, it is to conclude that there are only two ways of dealing with unmet expectations: resentment and self-effacement.

this is so interesting, i think i’ll turn it into a new post. stay tuned, and thanks for the inspiration!

]]> By: zubeldia zubelida http://www.moritherapy.org/article/understanding-expectations/comment-page-1/#comment-351772 zubeldia zubelida Sun, 16 Dec 2007 16:29:42 +0000 http://www.moritherapy.org/article/understanding-expectations/#comment-351772 hi there. I left a long messages yesterday on the therapist/research post, but alas it was eaten up.... I struggled with expectations.. for me, it's almost easier not to have any. That's not to say that I don't expect things from my husband, and we deal with them, I think, in a way that does not least to resentment... But I think it depends on what expectations you're talking about.. How does one define 'reasonable'? Should your parents provide you with basic care and not neglect you? it seems reasonable to want this, but if it's not coming your way and never did, then what do you do? I don't feel resentment toward my parents for this - not in the least - but the cost to me is quite high, I am coming to realise - as I have essentially made reasonable necessities into disposable wants so that I suffocate any expectation that might form... it seems easier, somehow, than continually dealing with the disappointment of care not coming... PS - I am vegan, Aaron! Best, Zubeldia <em>zubeldia zubelida's last blog post..<a href='http://bodypolitics2.blogspot.com/2007/12/non-entity-cannot-long-for-things.html' rel="nofollow">a non-entity cannot long for things</a></em> hi there.

I left a long messages yesterday on the therapist/research post, but alas it was eaten up….

I struggled with expectations.. for me, it’s almost easier not to have any. That’s not to say that I don’t expect things from my husband, and we deal with them, I think, in a way that does not least to resentment… But I think it depends on what expectations you’re talking about.. How does one define ‘reasonable’? Should your parents provide you with basic care and not neglect you? it seems reasonable to want this, but if it’s not coming your way and never did, then what do you do? I don’t feel resentment toward my parents for this – not in the least – but the cost to me is quite high, I am coming to realise – as I have essentially made reasonable necessities into disposable wants so that I suffocate any expectation that might form… it seems easier, somehow, than continually dealing with the disappointment of care not coming…

PS – I am vegan, Aaron!
Best,
Zubeldia

zubeldia zubelida’s last blog post..a non-entity cannot long for things

]]> By: Aaron http://www.moritherapy.org/article/understanding-expectations/comment-page-1/#comment-11939 Aaron Wed, 14 Feb 2007 23:57:22 +0000 http://www.moritherapy.org/article/understanding-expectations/#comment-11939 And speaking of expectations, I'm reminded of some rather irritating '60's chatter I've ofen heard about not making expectations of others. However, you are absolutely right when you say that there are reasonable expectations without which society, nor even any workable human relationship can be expected to function. Now, are my expectations "reasonable"? This is something that I think should always be up for review. I wouldn't expect less. Okay, i'll be quiet now. And speaking of expectations, I’m reminded of some rather irritating ’60′s chatter I’ve ofen heard about not making expectations of others. However, you are absolutely right when you say that there are reasonable expectations without which society, nor even any workable human relationship can be expected to function. Now, are my expectations “reasonable”? This is something that I think should always be up for review. I wouldn’t expect less. Okay, i’ll be quiet now.

]]> By: Aaron http://www.moritherapy.org/article/understanding-expectations/comment-page-1/#comment-11936 Aaron Wed, 14 Feb 2007 23:48:11 +0000 http://www.moritherapy.org/article/understanding-expectations/#comment-11936 Yeah. It brings to mind a chat I had with a colleague this morning of how these kinds of ridiculous expectations have led us to confuse luxuries for necessities, i.e., having to have that cup of coffee every morning and not just any old bean but the finest Aribica dark French organic (this happens to be one of my food "sins", but hey my beans are also fair-trade, organic, and of course bird-friendly.) Chocolate is another one. I am trying to persuade myself that if I shell out a little more and purchase only fair-trade chocolate I can also persuade myself to eat it less often and enjoy it for what it really is...a luxury, and at least one that ensures that the people who pick the cocoa pods in Africa or wherever are going to be fairly paid and not otherwise mistreated for their efforts. Blood oranges is another one. I only heard of them ten years ago and when I discovered them for sale at Norman's Market on Commercial Drive on a bleak February morning I was just overjoyed and overcome with bliss. However, because blood oranges are seasonal, and generally more expensive than other oranges I treat them as a gift and a luxury (albeit a daily one) until the season runs out sometime in April. And let's not think of the toxic carbon emissions that have fouled the air and further warmed the earth from the delivery trucks that have transported these beautiful red oranges from California. And to think that even for our not so distant ancestors an apple ripe off the tree or a bowl of figs was considered a treat! Yeah. It brings to mind a chat I had with a colleague this morning of how these kinds of ridiculous expectations have led us to confuse luxuries for necessities, i.e., having to have that cup of coffee every morning and not just any old bean but the finest Aribica dark French organic (this happens to be one of my food “sins”, but hey my beans are also fair-trade, organic, and of course bird-friendly.) Chocolate is another one. I am trying to persuade myself that if I shell out a little more and purchase only fair-trade chocolate I can also persuade myself to eat it less often and enjoy it for what it really is…a luxury, and at least one that ensures that the people who pick the cocoa pods in Africa or wherever are going to be fairly paid and not otherwise mistreated for their efforts.
Blood oranges is another one. I only heard of them ten years ago and when I discovered them for sale at Norman’s Market on Commercial Drive on a bleak February morning I was just overjoyed and overcome with bliss. However, because blood oranges are seasonal, and generally more expensive than other oranges I treat them as a gift and a luxury (albeit a daily one) until the season runs out sometime in April. And let’s not think of the toxic carbon emissions that have fouled the air and further warmed the earth from the delivery trucks that have transported these beautiful red oranges from California. And to think that even for our not so distant ancestors an apple ripe off the tree or a bowl of figs was considered a treat!

]]> By: isabella mori http://www.moritherapy.org/article/understanding-expectations/comment-page-1/#comment-11786 isabella mori Wed, 14 Feb 2007 04:57:27 +0000 http://www.moritherapy.org/article/understanding-expectations/#comment-11786 thanks for your comment, aaron. so ... let me understand this ... even under difficult circumstances, you have been able to keep up at least some of your expectations regarding food. and - part of the reason for this is because everyone else has ridiculous expectations, which may be the sources of the excessive, obscene abundance. thanks for your comment, aaron.

so … let me understand this … even under difficult circumstances, you have been able to keep up at least some of your expectations regarding food.

and – part of the reason for this is because everyone else has ridiculous expectations, which may be the sources of the excessive, obscene abundance.

]]> By: Aaron http://www.moritherapy.org/article/understanding-expectations/comment-page-1/#comment-11265 Aaron Sat, 10 Feb 2007 00:52:55 +0000 http://www.moritherapy.org/article/understanding-expectations/#comment-11265 My experience as a vegetarian confirms your comment that having healthy preferences has nothing to do with being picky. Now if I was vegan--sorry folks but I am not willing to give up cheese omelettes or honey on my toast--maybe they'd have an argument. On the other hand, we live in a society where we can actually make these kinds of choices for ourselves and that food isn't simply a matter of survival. So... where does the silver spoon end? On a low income I have managed to make healthy, and very tasty food choices for myself for all of my adult life, but also because of my experiences of poverty, I have at times had to think of eating in terms of personal survival. But even then I have been able to choose not to eat at Macdonald's, or to buy plenty of fresh fruit or whatever (yes, even when I was on welfare, and even when i had no income at all). I was able to do this because I live in a society of such excessive (dare I say obscene) abundance, but I think also because of the protection and provision of God, and simply because I had already decided that my food choices are going to be healthy ones and also consistent with my values. Bon apetit. My experience as a vegetarian confirms your comment that having healthy preferences has nothing to do with being picky. Now if I was vegan–sorry folks but I am not willing to give up cheese omelettes or honey on my toast–maybe they’d have an argument. On the other hand, we live in a society where we can actually make these kinds of choices for ourselves and that food isn’t simply a matter of survival. So… where does the silver spoon end? On a low income I have managed to make healthy, and very tasty food choices for myself for all of my adult life, but also because of my experiences of poverty, I have at times had to think of eating in terms of personal survival. But even then I have been able to choose not to eat at Macdonald’s, or to buy plenty of fresh fruit or whatever (yes, even when I was on welfare, and even when i had no income at all). I was able to do this because I live in a society of such excessive (dare I say obscene) abundance, but I think also because of the protection and provision of God, and simply because I had already decided that my food choices are going to be healthy ones and also consistent with my values. Bon apetit.

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