serenity prayer at 2:28 am

god, grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change, the courage to change the things i can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

what’s that all about?

one day, god is the old god. some unknown but benevolent male entity. the next it’s actually “goddess” – and the one goddess i can best connect with is hekate. the next day “god” is some vague kind of goodness, made up by all the higher powers in this world.

“grant” – that’s something that i have difficulty with. it makes me think of Q from startrek, an arrogant monarch who may or may not give me something, according to his whims.

serenity. i love that word. i can’t have enough of it. (which may be my problem – if i had true serenity, i would have enough)

the courage to change the things i can??? that’s the funny one. i used to think of myself as someone who loves change, a change agent, oh, i am so cool. until i took the luxury to look at the things i don’t want to look at, the things i don’t want to change. or the things i’m too chicken to change. oops. this part makes me so nervous i’m drawing a blank right now regarding what i should/could change. okay, here is one. there’s some kinds of anger i run away from. — so, yup, i need the courage.

the wisdom to know the difference …hmmm … yeah, i need that, too. and i mean “wisdom”. i often have “information” – like, i know it’s better to go to sleep before i’m so tired my feet get ice cold (like now, for example). but “wisdom” – that’s more than just having the information, isn’t it? it’s something that goes far deeper. it’s knowledge in the head, in the heart, in the bones … maybe even knowledge that compels action …

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