http://www.moritherapy.org/article/identities-vs-labels/ making lives better, making better lives Thu, 09 Feb 2012 10:02:52 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.1.3 http://www.moritherapy.org/article/identities-vs-labels/comment-page-1/#comment-189 Jeff Mon, 14 Aug 2006 20:35:25 +0000 http://www.moritherapy.org/article/identities-vs-labels/#comment-189 I can relate to this from a past experience with a g/f who had kids. I lived with a woman for 3 years who had 2 young kids. Their Father had them on the weekends and "we" had them during the week. Being the "Older male" in this relationship, it was hard for me to know just exactly where my place was. I was not the kids' biological father, yet, all week long they were under my supervision ( when they were home ) and my responsibility when the Mother was not around. Yet, disiplining them was at times recieved with: "You're not my father" to which, what could I say ? They were right, I was not their father, yet I played a very active role in their life. We grew close as a "family unit" both myself and the mother (my g/f ) would take turns running the chores of the house, kids to school, etc... Yet, when it came right down to it, what was "I" ? I learned that "father" was just a label, just a term, something givin to someone because of.... and that it did not nesecarily mean the owner of that term was any better or worse then someone who did not have that term. In other words, I was "Jeff", that's who I was. All I had to be was the very best "Jeff" I could and as time went on, I earned respect from the kids as a male role model in their lives. It was a hard lesson at first, but a very valuable one to take with me. Just because someone is a "Dad" doesn't excuse them for anything they do, they are still what ever their first name is. I can relate to this from a past experience with a g/f who had kids. I lived with a woman for 3 years who had 2 young kids. Their Father had them on the weekends and “we” had them during the week. Being the “Older male” in this relationship, it was hard for me to know just exactly where my place was. I was not the kids’ biological father, yet, all week long they were under my supervision ( when they were home ) and my responsibility when the Mother was not around. Yet, disiplining them was at times recieved with: “You’re not my father” to which, what could I say ? They were right, I was not their father, yet I played a very active role in their life. We grew close as a “family unit” both myself and the mother (my g/f ) would take turns running the chores of the house, kids to school, etc… Yet, when it came right down to it, what was “I” ? I learned that “father” was just a label, just a term, something givin to someone because of…. and that it did not nesecarily mean the owner of that term was any better or worse then someone who did not have that term. In other words, I was “Jeff”, that’s who I was. All I had to be was the very best “Jeff” I could and as time went on, I earned respect from the kids as a male role model in their lives. It was a hard lesson at first, but a very valuable one to take with me.
Just because someone is a “Dad” doesn’t excuse them for anything they do, they are still what ever their first name is.

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