There are situations in life (offline and online) where it’s not appropriate to address others with the vocabulary and tone of an English butler.

Sometimes you have to tell somebody that they’re full of shit, for example; or else they won’t take you seriously.

(And this from me, a guy who absolutely hates, hates, hates “construction worker” language and tone. I’ve left social gatherings without a word that tone got adopted, and in a couple of cases physically marched people out of my home because they used unmistakably derogatory language about women, foreigners, etc.)

you say

“… if you wouldn’t say it to my face in my living room, don’t post it.

I understand that people can become angry or can be sensitive to issues, but that does not excuse derogatory or abusive comments.”

derogatory or abusive comments – yes, they are out. agreed on that. but comments (and other communication) don’t have to be either of them and can still be somewhere on the hurtful-unhelpful continuum. what about them?

and then i wonder, when we write, is that ever really going to be like being face-to-face in the living room? well, perhaps if you’re bertrand russell, who supposedly dictated his books clean to his secretary, without hesitation or editing. but us mere mortals, we take time and revise and spellcheck when we write. we don’t do that when we talk.

and as we take time (viz the asynchronicity factor, above) and don’t look each other in the eye (the invisibility factor), we often feel emboldened to be a bit more assertive. and that’s not necessarily a bad thing, is it?

i also went to the good old stanford encyclopedia of philosophy, where they speak thus:

“as suggested by its derivation from the Latin respicere, which means “to look back at” or “to look again,” respect is a particular mode of apprehending the object: the person who respects something pays attention to it and perceives it differently from someone who does not and responds to it in light of that perception. This perceptual element is common also to synonyms such as regard (from “to watch out for”) and consideration (“examine (the stars) carefully”). The idea of paying heed or giving proper attention to the object which is central to respect often means trying to see the object clearly, as it really is in its own right, and not seeing it solely through the filter of one’s own desires and fears or likes and dislikes. Thus, respecting something contrasts with being oblivious or indifferent to it, ignoring or quickly dismissing it, neglecting or disregarding it, or carelessly or intentionally misidentifying it. An object can be perceived by a subject from a variety of perspectives; for example, one might rightly regard another human individual as a rights-bearer, a judge, a superlative singer, a trustworthy person, or a threat to one’s security. The respect one accords her in each case will be different, yet all will involve attention to her as she really is as a judge, threat, etc. It is in virtue of this aspect of careful attention that respect is sometimes thought of as an epistemic virtue.

As responsive, respect is object-generated rather than wholly subject-generated, something that is owed to, called for, deserved, elicited, or claimed by the object. We respect something not because we want to but because we recognize that we have to respect it (Wood 1999); respect involves “a deontic experience” — the experience that one must pay attention and respond appropriately”

I am not trying to discourage conversations, and I understand that people can become angry or can be sensitive to issues, but that does not excuse derogatory or abusive comments.

In my posts and comments, I try to build up, even with ideas I disagree with. I wrote a post Negativity Does Generate Forward Momentum where I question the value of negative comments with no follow up.