change therapy

212 responses so far ↓

• 1 Natasha // Oct 24, 2006 at 4:53 pm

  I’m currently in recovery, and I find the best behaviours that help me to move along are…

  Personal achievment– Doing things like short courses and working really helps, I focus my energy on achieving something else other than weight-loss and see positive results at the end.

  Constant Reassurance– Often when eating, I repeatedly ask those around me (parents, my partner) whether it is “okay” for me to be eating what I’m eating, whether it’s “okay” to gain the weight… I know what their answers will always be, but it helps to hear it repeated.

  Ones in your list that do/dont’ work for me are:

  DON’T WORK FOR ME:

  1.positive eating: Perhaps I’m not at this stage yet, I feel very restricted in this area.

  4. gentle exercise and resting: I have too little control over this and always end up exercising for the wrong reasons and in excess.

  5. positive self-talk: I just find this impossible to do.

  9. professional help: I actually find the professional help to be more stressful and detramental to my emotional state than beneficial. I prefer to be given the space to work things through on my own. Sometimes the professionals make me feel trapped and consumed even more-so.

  10. positive body image: I’m crappy with this and always end up comparing and stuff, so I avoid it.

  DO WORK:

  2. engaging in healthy relationships: A form of distraction, this makes me feel loved, special and takes my mind away from the negative thoughts.

  3. walking away from unhealthy eating: I’m not always good at this and do slip up and purge, etc. but walking away definitely does help at times.

  6. honesty: When I have the strength to do this one, it does help… but it’s a matter of me not wanting to ‘burden’ people with my rubbish.

  7. doing nice things for yourself: Getting my nails or hair done always makes me feel special and deattracts attention away from my negative self-image and thoughts.

  8. spending quiet time with your feelings: Writing is a huge helper, art and music too. I would recommend any of these, almost above everything else, to people trying to recover.

  This was a ridiculously long and pointless note… I think I wrote it more for my own benefit than anything else though, sorry!!!

  Thanks for your post, I’m sure it will benefit a lot of people in need.

• 2 isabella mori // Oct 25, 2006 at 8:29 pm

  thank you, natasha, for such a thorough reply! this was SO not ridiculous and pointless!

  i’m really interested in what you have to say about writing, art and music. any specific recommendations you would make?

  writing has helped me a lot in getting through difficult times, too, so of course i’m particularly interested in that …

• 3 anonymous // Dec 4, 2006 at 4:36 pm

  hey thanks for this im going to try them…ive been trying 2 recover for the last 4 months and recently its been SO HARD its unbelievable but so many people have been stictly watchin me so ive resorted to other things which is bad but helped well yeah i feel the same as .natasha. who rote before and writing does help but it feels pointless but good for me at the same time..??so sorry if this get a bit umm babbily i guess no one reely realised how depressed i had actually been before i started to stop eating…there was so many issues going on with me n the voice inside my head was telling me whot to do and whot not to and every one around me like at school(i go to a bording school)and my sports coach and my family all thort i was for attention…so i just nodded my head n i wasnt going to tell them y because then THEY would feel bad and i didnt tell any one whot i was thinking feeling/eating/doing because i felt like an selfish attention seeker it only reely got serious i spose in the last couple of months…i dont even no y im writing this i dont even reely it want it on the net but i no that i luv reeding people with anorexias stories..for some reeson…but when i was at my worst everyone just made me stop like they didnt give me a choice n my frends and house staff like wouldnt let me not eat but i nevah got to see a counsellor or nutritionist coz i was to ashamed and embarressed and thort i was overreacting to ask…but ive read some stories and i think i wish i was hopitalized because that was one of my goals n it nevah happened so part of me wants to do it all agen just to get there…n i guess thats part of my story so ill get back to u n let u no which numbers helped me..and stuff had to help but yeah these look like reely good ideas and im going to try them starting today…thanx heeps for ur help..wuld u mind if u rote back and im not reely shore if this appropriate to be posted on this site…but yeah thanx anyway

• 4 carnival of eating disorders #1 » change therapy - isabella mori // Jan 10, 2007 at 10:47 pm

  [...] what helps in these situations is not yet another diet but a whole different outlook and set of behaviours around eating and body image. [...]

• 5 maria meyer // Mar 9, 2007 at 7:26 am

  I just recently figured out that I might have a problem. It’s so strange, its just that I was overweight about 2 years ago and then when I started to lose weight I felt like I couldn’t stop. It felt so good and I felt pretty, which is something I haven’t ever really felt like. Even when I knew that I could probably stop losing weight, it gave me a weird sense of accomplishment if I could do more. I haven’t gone to see anyone about this, but am trying to get better on my own. I don’t feel like anyone understands though. My husband just says to eat more, but my biggest fear is being overweight again. I feel out of control when I eat whatever I want. It’s just nice to read some of these comment and know that someone feels the same way.

• 6 isabella mori // Mar 9, 2007 at 7:48 am

  hi maria, thanks for dropping by. you bring up something really important – the interplay between overeating and anorexia. i send you my best wishes with dealing with it by yourself. naturally, that’s the first thing to do when we have challenges like this. and please be aware that there is lots of support. i’m really glad that you found these comments useful.

• 7 Some One // Mar 12, 2007 at 3:57 pm

  I think i’m anorexic. i was overweight in august n now im about 110 or less. im 5’6 btw. i started off eating healthy and being in shock at how many calories i actually used to eat. i was in aww! amazed i actually ate so many calories. and now im obsessed with everything i eat. i dont want to lose anymore weight. i know i need help. i look gross. i want to eat more but dont want to become obese again. like if i change from eating little to more i know ill gain weight..which i want ..but i dont want to keep and keep and keep gaining weight. like will it stop. i dont know what to do or where to go.

• 8 isabella mori // Mar 12, 2007 at 5:13 pm

  hey some one – if you check this site again, why don’t you send me a confidential message (you can use this link). there are some things you can look into, like something fishy or OA (yes, OA is for all types of eating disorders). take good care of yourself!

• 9 lost on the net // Mar 23, 2007 at 11:43 am

  I just found out my bmi is 16.7 and it’s so so scary, my family just seem to think gaining weight will be the easiest thing in the world and they don’t get how much I hate myself when i eat, and i feel so out of control. I’ve never been overweight, but losing weight felt good, like an acheivement. And now I hate myself when I eat, and when I don’t eat. I look terrible, and I know that but it doesn’t change how I feel about eating.

• 10 isabella mori // Mar 23, 2007 at 2:34 pm

  hello lost on the net … yes, most people who have not dealt with challenges around food before think it’s really easy: “if you don’t weigh enough, eat more, and if you weigh too much, eat less.” i hope you can find someone who can walk with you through this difficult time, someone who will understand how you feel about all of this.

• 11 Liz // Apr 4, 2007 at 12:17 pm

  I have a question, and this is one of the first places I’ve happened upon while looking things up online. Is there any kind of web site or book or anything that has simple, nutritious recipies or instructions for people who can’t force themselves to eat enough? I need some kind of “eating for beginners” instructions. I’d like to eat more. I’d like to eat healthier foods. But it’s such a burden and then I’m never sure what is good for me in the first place.

• 12 isabella mori // Apr 4, 2007 at 4:06 pm

  your question is not unusual for people who are in the early stages of recovery from an eating disorder (from what you say, it looks like that might describe you – correct me if i’m wrong). i’m a great believer in connecting up with people who’ve gone before you.

  you could go to one of the forums at something fishy, one of the best resources for people with eating disorders, or connect with someone at local OA group (they’re not just for people who struggle with overeating; they’re also for people with anorexia and bulimia).

  you could also try to find a nutritionist who understands your situation.

  here is another link that provides a good introduction to learning about healthy, complete nutrition: http://life.familyeducation.com/nutrition-and-diet/health/36041.html?page=1&detoured=1

  it takes a while to learn about this – intellectually and emotionally. go easy on yourself!

• 13 Charlotte // Apr 8, 2007 at 8:38 pm

  hey,
  i am 20 years old and have spent the last 5 years dealing with anorexia. two years ago i managed to get myself up from 58 lbs to 98, but than realized i was almost in the triple digits and relapsed. i found myself 48 lbs and told to be a miracle that i am still alive. after having 3 ambulances at my house within 2 weeks and refusing admittance to the hospital, i have taken things into my own hands and am doing much better than anyone thought possible. i do however still have difficulty eating, of course, but also am very afraid of another relapse. my heart can’t handle it, emotionally or physically. i wondered how often people relapse, and if it is possible to truly, 100% recover and one day not have to worry about it, just to be able to eat normally and make all of this nothing more than a bad dream. i know it sounds overly dramatic lol but i am so afraid that this is going to kill me…any insight or advice would be more than appreciated. good luck and love to anyone else going through the same ordeal.
  Charlotte

• 14 Ashley // Jun 3, 2007 at 12:31 pm

  I am trying to recover. I understand every single comment everyone has made on this page. I have also been in therephy for 2-3 years and I have still not gotten better–actually, I have gotten worse. I think about things WAY too much and I know it, but I can’t stop. Does anyone else here just want to be told exactly what to eat, when to eat, where to eat…everything?! Just so you couldnt have to think about it anymore?

• 15 isabella mori // Jun 3, 2007 at 1:30 pm

  many people who consider themselves recovering from anorexia talk exactly about that: that true recovery is when thoughts of food are just more or less part of the whole landscape of your life.

  food is nourishment that the body needs, so we lovingly give that to the body, and when the right amount has been reached, it’s over and we move on.

  sounds simple, doesn’t it. i know it can be very hard to comprehend for anyone with an eating disorder (never mind put it in practice.)

  a friend of mine who is happily recovering from decades of struggling with anorexia always says that one of the best things one can do is to focus away from the food. take the attention elsewhere.

  “i am not ‘an anorexic’,” she would say, “i am someone who is dealing with anorexia, but my life is so much bigger than that!”

• 16 Katie // Jul 29, 2007 at 8:51 pm

  I have an eating disorder that isn’t exactly anorexia (even though I did believe that I was anorexic for a while.. I sure look it) but once I started seening a pshycologist i found out its ocd. Which makes sense because I don’t think I’m fat and never did. But my obsession lies in food, and I can’t stop. It’s been over 6 months since I’ve had anything that I couldn’t count the calories in. I have to know the calories in everything. Just about everything I eat is prepackaged so I can read the nutrition facts. I’m terrified of fat, too. In cheese, egg yolks.. all that stuff. But anyway, despite the fact the the cause of my eating issues are slightly different, I’m having the same problem stopping myself from doing it as all of you who are trying to recover as well. All I think about is food. I watch a movie, I see a show, I read a book, I’m with my friends.. but my mind is somewhere else: what I ate and what I’ll eat next. There can never be more that 100 calories at once. I’m 5’8 and 95 pounds. And I’m trying so hard to fix myself, but I’m terrified! What happens once you start gaining weight? Does your metabolism ever go back to normal? Does your stomach go back to normal? Why am I bloating so much now that I’m forcing myself to eat more? Will that go away? Do you ever stop obsessing? Do you ever get used to eating normal things? How long does it take to be at risk for osteoporosis? What else could happen to me? What happens to you while you go back to a normal weight?

• 17 Isabella // Aug 28, 2007 at 1:54 pm

  (note from isabella mori, the author of this blog – the commenter is a DIFFERENT isabella)

  I am a recovering Aneroxic and have been starting to binge lately at night. I finally got over my fear of peanut butter but have started eating it alot more than I probably should. Sometimes I feel like when I start eating it I can’t stop! My mom, try as she might, will never understand the disease and therefore the peanut will still be an item in our house no matter what I request. Can anyone offer advice on late night binges?

  For Katie– I started eating regular meals this May when I came home after graduation and always felt bloated. I had reached my lowest weight of 98 llbs about 3 years ago and realized that I needed help. Your body tries to repair itself so the bloating you feel could be from that. It’s what happened to me too! The bloating eventually goes away– for me it’s been a discovery of what my body actually LIKES and WANTS. It’s matter of listening to yourself and feeling ok in your own flesh. I still struggle with this sometimes, when I put on jeans or look in the mirror at the wrong time. I still have an obsession with it– but it lessens with time. Some things aren’t worth it and my boss once told me you get happier as you get older. I’m hoping she’s right and that I’ll be able to focus 95% of my energy on family, friends, and art, instead of food. Good luck, it’s worth a try to be happy and get of this cycle.

• 18 Joanne // Oct 10, 2007 at 2:44 pm

  To Isabella,

  I can relate to what you are saying because I am in that exact same position myself. I am a recovering anorexic as well, and while I am still slightly underweight, I have begun to binge on my old comfort foods (nuts, chocolate, anything unhealthy, you name it). I have only recently gotten over my fear of those foods and I can only bring myself to eat them at night, when I am on my own. I look forward to eating my old ‘forbidden foods’ so much that I have actually begun eating less during the day so I can save up my calories for the junk food at night. I am terrified at the intensity of my cravings. My Mum tells me that I am craving all these foods because I have not allowed myself to eat them and I am currenly feeling very deprived. She says the cravings will lessen, but I am still scared that I will end up obese. I have been fighting anorexia for a year, and before that, I was hefty although not overweight. I hated it then, and fear that I will return to where I was before.

  Right now, I am trying to revert back into a normal eating routine which I started when I was at home (I just moved out to start university which disrupted my eating habits). It is just hard to find the strength sometimes when you want to be thin and happy.

  Do any of you have any advice for me to break out of this?

  Joanne

• 19 Isabella // Oct 14, 2007 at 11:48 am

  Joanne-

  The best advice I can give to you try not to get caught up in the social network around you if it entices unhealthy habits. My problem developed while I was in college, and before I even realized it I was too far in over my head to get out of the issue without help. College is stressful- late nights- studying- tests- comparing yourself to others in your school. The best thing is to try to learn yourself- when you’re hungry- how long you should work out, etc. Also, I know it always helps me when I have sechdule- so if it helps to plan out what your eating or when you can eat in between studying, socializing and classes definitly do that. It seems somewhat extreme but every night before bed I would plan out my next day on a post it note bit by bit, when I should eat lunch and dinner in between my five classes, gym time and meetings… It kept me sane even through the tough times that I knew I had a plan.

  Also– I have a hard time with this– but try to be gentle with yourself. Know that there will be some nights where you should have ate more, or should have not eaten so much– and know that it takes time to get over this problem. Know that if there is a time where you eat to much– it’s only a few minutes of your life, you aren’t a bad person, and forgive yourself and move on.

  Oh I also use to keep a post-it note on my desk that read “some things just aren’t worth it” and it would remind me when I wanted to restrict that I wasn’t hurting anyone but myself.

  good luck with everything and keep trying!

  Isabella

• 20 Isabella // Oct 14, 2007 at 11:54 am

  oh and being thin doesn’t always mean you’re happy- when I was 98lbs. I was a miserable person, always tired, awful to be around, and thought that counting the calories in a stick of gum was the only way to make me happy. Needless to say– I’ve been skinny– and trust me i was no where near happy or had the energy to do everything I wanted.

• 21 Joanne // Oct 15, 2007 at 6:34 am

  Dear Isabella,

  Thank you so much for your kind words of encouragement.

  Since my last post, I have put on more weight and I feel absolutely dreadful. I am in the awkward stage where I feel lousy because I am no longer as small as I was before, and yet I love the taste of food too much to restrict my food intake. Because of this, I am really finding myself looking forward to being able to eat all the foods that I previously never allowed myself to touch, and as a result I always eat more than I should. I sometimes find myself standing over the bathroom sink debating whether or not to vomit out what I have just eaten (I don’t, but there are times when I have been SO CLOSE). My suicidal thoughts have increased in frequency.

  I am certain this is either a manifestation of the anorexia, or another form of an eating disorder. The preoccupation with food is still there, as is the obsession with being thin/body image. When it comes to nighttime, I cannot seem to eat a bit and stop. I get really strong cravings.

  Is this normal in the recovery process of anorexia? Or is it the start of another problem? I need help.

  Joanne

• 22 isabella mori // Oct 17, 2007 at 9:04 am

  thanks, isabella, for your ideas, and thanks, joanne, for sharing your struggles with us.

  to all of you who are deep in the struggle with anorexia, PLEASE make sure that you have SOMEONE who you can talk to – preferably someone with experience with recovery and/or a trustworthy mental health professional.

  part of the reason for that is that there are lots of questions, like the ones that you bring up, joanne.

  what is “normal” is hard to say but what you are going through is anything but unusual. it can almost feel as if the anorexia has a mind of its own and buckles and acts up when a person tries to overcome it. nighttime bingeing is very typical. some people deal with that with emphatically “closing the kitchen” by a certain time – say, 8 pm.

  i hope you will find the help you need. i’ll also contact you privately.

  btw, i really like what isabella said – “the best thing is to try to learn yourself- when you’re hungry- how long you should work out, etc.” that can be really difficult with anorexia (a condition which is often aimed precisely at numbing this kind of knowledge) but this is so important.

• 23 Catherine // Oct 30, 2007 at 11:33 am

  Hi,
  I am a recovered anorexic…(yes, there is such things as recovered!!!) I am 20 years old and am finally in a normal BMI range, which I’ve never been my whole life. I was always naturally thin, but when my body wanted me to actually develop it freaked me out so I started restricting.

  Fortunately, my parents noticed my sudden “healthy” eating habits and got me a wonderful team of therapists to treat it. It takes your body a little boost to get out of that dangerous underweigt range, so when it was taking a long time for me to gain weight they told me I might not be able to go back to college. I realized my school, friends, and life were more important than something as silly as calories in food and I just had to try harder, every meal eating more. Everyone has been amazed when I visit home and the treatment facility because I moved away and have been buying normal groceries for myself and eating like a normal person.

  Sometimes I eat a lot in the day, sometimes I eat a little bit less…It all balances out. Now that I’m nourishing myself extra I can exercise, but I take days off and just hang out with friends. I also also eat something after I workout, i.e. fruit with peanut butter.

  Last night I tried on a pair of my skinny jeans and they wouldn’t close and I just cried for an hour. These things might happen, but it’s normal. The point is, I realized my worth is not a number on a jean take, especially such a small one. Plus, curves are beautiful. It’s normal to have relapses in thinking, but you just need to keep eating normally. It’s so much better to prevent an eating disorder or prevent relapse.

  By the way, I only restricted for about 6 months and I have osteoporosis. It is reversable if you’re enough, like me, but you can’t deprive nutritents and food to do that.

  This brings me to my next point: Find your own ways to cope. For me, it’s reading research articles through our school library on the long term effects of eating disorders. From my readings I have found that sure, you can take calcium pills, but they won’t do much if you’re deteriorating your body, which isn’t just fat. It’s muscle and bone too. I can’t believe at 20 I have a potentially disabling disease and am I trying everyday to reverse it, which I know at a minimum will take a year.

  I also learned that it only take a few days of fasting to seriously harm your bones. SCARY!

  Recovery is possible though. I am definitely recovered and I am committed to never relapse because eating disorders are not a way of life. You can be of a healthy weight and exercise and eat in moderation, have normal relationships, and BE HAPPY!!! Seriously, I am happier now that I can’t fit into those small jeans!

  Not to mention, it’s kind of nice feeling “above” the whole propoganda that thin is in. Notice that most with e.d.s are women? Hmm…I know with mine it was also a control thing, but I have to admit the media was a part of too.

• 24 isabella mori // Nov 5, 2007 at 11:39 am

  thanks for your input, catherine! your comment about finding your OWN ways of coping is so very important. if you don’t mind, would you share a bit on how your own particular way of coping came about for you – how you realized that that helps you?

• 25 Catherine // Nov 5, 2007 at 1:30 pm

  My own ways are coping are as follows:
  *not isolating myself from loved ones, i.e. going out to dinner with them and truly enjoying the company and food too

  *working hard to have the mindset that I can trust my body to balance if I eat a little too much one day.

  But really the best for me is this:
  every time I want to restrict I look up research on the effects of eating disorders and osteoporosis (especially because I know I have that), ones that are credible. It scares me so much that I never skip a meal anymore because malnutrition is so harmful to the bones. I also don’t drink coffee or diet soda to limit my appetite. In my research I found that the phosphoric acid (found in pop) and caffeine (found in coffee and usually pop too) are no no’s for bone health.

  I also stay away from calorie counting or anything that would lead to me OCD about food.

  But it’s really what works for you. Once you find your own coping ways then can seriously become a part of you, like a reversal habit.

  I truly hope someone will read this and benefit! I will never forget the nightmare that was my eating disorder and I can’t stand knowing others are still feeling that pain!

• 26 samantha // Nov 8, 2007 at 11:43 am

  I’ve just come to the realization that i may have a problem. my mom passed away when i was 10 and i never really dealt with it. i turned to substance abuse for a while, and my boyfriend made me realize that i’m doing more harm to myself. so for the past 6 months, i just haven’t been eating. it’s the one thing that i feel like i have true control over. and now i’m trying to deal with things. i don’t want to see a doctor because i feel like that will make me feel worse and that i’m just a nut case and i want someone to fix me. but i want to fix myself. i want god to help fix me and to do things naturally. if anybody has similar experiences, i’d love to talk to someone who knows what i’m going through. because really, no one else around me knows.

• 27 Kirst // Nov 16, 2007 at 4:54 am

  im 17 years old and i am in the beginning stages of recovering from anorexia. i was in a verbally abusive relationship from over a year and i have a father (who i dont live with) but his doing still affect me. he is ann alchoholic and drug addict, who has been in and out of jail since i can remember. last year i was nearing 160 pounds, when i became extremely unhappy with my weight and started “dieting” it started out healthy, i just ate better and lowered my caloric intake to about 1800 a day. …until it became an obsession. over the summer i started eating less and less and less until i neared about 130 pounds. its amazing the compliments you get when you lose so much weight and how much “happier” you are. i now realize that it was a problem and i was becoming obsessed with losing weight and being thin. although people tend to think that being skinny = being happy. it doesnt. at all. i got down to about 110 pounds, my hair was falling out and i was eating anywhere from 400 to 600 calories a day. then using laxatives at night to get rid of what i ate. i felt so guilty when i ate anything over “my set limit”. i never made myself vomit or anything but i came so close so many times. until my mom confronted me. shes my angel. when i was at my lowest, my mom told me i was a week from being in the hospital and having IVs and everything. and i was ready to admit and stop denying my problem. one night i decided to actually “eat” with my family and have a big dinner. and after that dinner(that tasted so good) i binged for about 3 hours. and everynight since then ive been doing it. ive only put on about 6 pounds im at about 119 or so now. i just want to know if this binging will stop.

• 28 Joanne // Nov 16, 2007 at 12:54 pm

  Hi Kirst,

  I am eighteen and know exactly what you are talking about because I am in a similar situation as you. This was the exact same question I asked my family, friends, and all the professionals I was seeing. I too one day just decided that I was going to eat, because I wanted to get better and also because I love food so much. The thing is, I suddenly realised how good food tastes and I would binge everytime I ate a meal.

  I discussed this issue with all the parties mentioned in the previous paragraph, and unfortunately, the answer to my question was, there is NO answer. Apparently, the binge eating could be a temporary symptom of your body’s lack of food, but could also hint at a longer term problem. I hated not knowing and thought it was safer just to eat less again, which just made the whole thing worse.

  I wish I could give you the answers you seek, but I am searching for them too. The only thing I can do for you is describe my current situation in brief. As I said before, after hearing professionals tell me that I should have a ‘healthy diet’ and not binge, I panicked that I was being ‘unhealthy’ and ‘bad’ so I tried eating ‘healthily’ and began to restrict my food intake, which made me lose more weight. Obviously, that wasn’t the way to go. It took me about two months to finally decide that I was sick of controlling every mouthful so one day I just decided to buy a huge box of chocolates after dinner one night and I finished the whole lot, enjoying every second of it.

  Now that was a turning point. I began looking forward to my after-dinner treats, and now I eat A LOT. I have just reached my minimum target weight, but I’ve yet to get my periods. So, that is my motivation to keep up my weight. I honestly am concerned that I might develop a binge eating disorder, but I know if I dwell on it too long, I will want to lose more weight again.

  I am not going to tell you what I think is best for you, because I don’t know what’s best for you. I don’t even know what’s best for myself yet. But for me, putting on weight the ‘healthy way’ just didn’t work because I was so unhappy about eating food that was healthy but I didn’t enjoy, and I was also still being scared of all the unhealthy foods. It was only when I made the decision to face my fears and eat the junk foods that I began to fear them less.

  I am now heavier than I was before, heavier but happier. I still binge at night, but my cravings are starting to diminish. I used to stare at pizzas, burgers, chocolate bars and cookies, longing for a taste, but now that I’ve had my fill of them, I can’t be bothered. My tastes shift, I will crave certain things for a few days, then get sick of them. Now I crave yoghurt-covered banana chips. I am hoping that with time, the cravings will just fade away.

  What brought me a lot of comfort was what I heard a friend tell me a while back on a completely unrelated topic. She got sent to a type of boot camp for three months, and was only allowed to eat the food there, which needless to say was terrible. When she got out, she went on a junk food spree, eating ice cream and everything else she craved. This lasted a month before things just went back to normal. She put on weight at first, then lost it as her eating patterns stabilised. Now this happened to a normal person after just three months. I don’t know how long you were starving but I had anorexia for 18 months, and there were days when I ate as little as 300 calories. So my theory is, people with anorexia are bound to get cravings when they start eating, and chances are, they are going to last for quite some time.

  Of course, I am not suggesting that you be like me and eat all sorts of nonsense, but taking this route to gain weight was the most successful for me. If I were you, as long as you don’t feel really awful afterwards and decide to purge or restrict the next meal, I’d just give in to your cravings, because they will just come back with a vengeance once suppressed. Enjoy the freedom that you have because you actually have a reason to put on weight.

  I hope this helps and that you find your path to recovery. I might not be there yet, but I do know how much anorexia has taken from my life and now I am determined to fight it and get better. We only get one life, and it’s mighty short. So we should make the most of it.

  Joanne

• 29 Samantha // Nov 17, 2007 at 1:22 pm

  I am 34 years old, 5’6″ and currently 114 pounds. I have had OCD my entire life and have been on and off of Zoloft for years for my obsesessive thoughts and compulsions. This past June I stopped taking my meds cold turkey (bad idea). I was 159 and decided it was time to join a gym and lose some weight. I started working out everyday and eating healthy foods and elimintaed sweets, fast foods and anything that was just calorie ridden. By the end of August I was at 133 pounds and began to realize that I was fearing foods I had eliminated and even low-fat items. Counting calories and “points” became an obsession and I wouldn’t allow myslef anything if I didn’y know the caloric intake of it. The thought of food and numbers played vividly in my head from the minute I woke up to the time I went to bed. Food thoughts and numbers controlled My thought process shifted to a thermo-dynamic perspective. Whatever I ate I had to burn. I knew I was spiraling out of control and finally “crashed” . I saw my doctor and have been going every 3 weeks for the past month. All bloodwork shows that my body is functioning properly. I am also seeing a psychiatrist once a week. My current weight is 114 and I am in a size 4 pant (was a 14!). My doctor said I have to get back to 130 and NO gym/exercise. I realize I am underweight but a part of me actually finds a sense of satisfaction being so much thinner.

  I weigh myself EVERY morning and have to stop but it helps alleviate some anxiety. Unfortunately, I let the scale dictate how I will feel each day. I get disappointed in myself and mad if the numbers go up at all (even thought I know they are suppose to). Any suggestions for how to stop this way of thinking?

  More importantly, I am eating the same foods at approx the same time each day. If I divert from the “normal safe” food(s) I worry about the scale the next morning. I will not allow myself regualr foods like pasta, burgers, chips etc. It’s a high fiber ceral with fruit every morning, coffee, a banana snack, red grapes with a turkey wrap for lunch, an apple for afternoon snack and dinner which is usually more cereal or a chicken wrap with salsa. That’s it. Can’t let myself eat out, order in or make meals for my husband and I like I use to. If I do, I won’t have any of it. It’s so frustrating. All I tell myself is “You can’t have that.” How do I get over this?

  Any suggestions??? Thanks in advance for any help.

  Samantha

• 30 Catherine // Nov 18, 2007 at 9:10 am

  Samantha, I’m sorry you’re going through this right now, but it can get better. I realize it’s an OCD tendency of yours to weigh yourself a lot, but seriously if you want to be healthier and gain weight, which you definitely should, then you need to stop weighing yourself. Weight fluctuates soooo much. Plus, think about it, muscle weighs more than fat. A lot of anorexics lose bone mass, like I did (severely and I was only for about 6 months) so that could be a reason the number is going down. Now that I’m in a normal weight range I feel stronger because when I ate more I lifted weights more than cardio, so my dr. said I’ve gained weight in more than just fat. And like you realize, the oh-so magical number on the scale can vary from hour to hour, by what you’ve drank, and other reasons. Another suggestion, take a break from the gym a few times of the week. You don’t need to go everyday and for hours. Do something relaxing or fun for yourself that doesn’t depend on your size, i.e. go see a movie that you’ve wanted to for a long time instead. And don’t isolate yourself, even if you want to. People DO eat together and it’s normal, so it’s okay to diverge from your meal plan to be with others. If there’s a birthday party and there’s cake, it is okay to have some in celebration. It’s not going to kill you. You’re not going to get fat…everything can be eaten in moderation. Part of recovery is learning to eat according to what you feel like eating at the time and not dwelling. I really hope you can get to that place because it is really wonderful and it allows your mind to keep up with more important things in life than food and calories and diets.

• 31 Pat // Jan 2, 2008 at 11:48 am

  Hi-
  My daughter is working through anorexia and I’m a devoted mom trying to find a way to understand what she’s going through. Reading the comments of everyone really helped to understand so much more. I don’t want to focus on her anorexia. There’s so much more to my daughter than her eating. She is wonderful! I just need to understand how to not push too hard. I need help to trust in my daughter. She is highly motivated to stay in college and loves her friends. Her glass is definately half full!
  Thank you so much!
  Pat

• 32 Stephanie // Jan 10, 2008 at 2:34 pm

  Hi…
  Just been browsing the net for advice. My best friend has developed an eating disorder, about a year ago she started to loose weight and looked amazing for it! but then she became skinnier and skinnier, I’ve been so worried about her, and had a chat with her trying my best to be as tactful as possible and not scare her away. She admitted that her “no carbs” diet just went a bit too far and that she is struggling to stop it. As time has gone by she didn’t seem to be improving and when she comes over for dinner it has become a big issue..but I try not to make it an issue infront of her so as not to make her feel uncomfortable. The last thing I want is to make her feel pressured into eating as I know it’s a big battle for her in her head. She has broken down in tears to me asking for my help. So here I am..lost as what to do next… I have suggested maybe going to her doctor for advice..medical advice.. but I dont think she is too keen. She is trying to introduce more food into her diet again..and I suggested maybe we could make up a diet plan together of new foods to start eating again..I thought that having a diet plan would give her some rules and structure..so she can focus on the new diet and then slowly build from there.. she seemed quite happy with that idea..but am I going about this the right way??? I dont live that close to her anymore and so can’t keep an eye on her as much as I would like to..If anyone has any suggestions I would be very grateful..Thank you.

• 33 Pine // Jan 10, 2008 at 5:08 pm

  I was anorexic a few years ago. I managed to ‘recover’ with help from friends and a family member.
  But im afriad that ive gone from one extreme to another.
  Sometimes I do have trouble eating a meal, breakfast is always the hardest, i had breakfast for the first time in over a month today. Its my new years resolution to eat healthily and try not to care about my looks.
  I am becoming afraid to eat because when i start i cant stop. its horrible. most of the time i end up binging and feel so guilty i take a load of diet pills and eat bran flakes and drink tea till i go to the toilet.
  I feel disgusting. I have put on weight. I dont want to go back to old habits. i just want to be happy, healthy and normal.
  but when i eat i just dont stop. i know i should. i tell myself that i should stop now. but i cant. i dont know how to explain it.
  ur probably thinking im pathetic and stupid and that if i want to stop then just stop thinking about it and do it. but i cant. its not that simple. or maybe it is and i am just pathetic.
  But the binging has become more often and a habit. and its become my way of coping with the stress of life. but i know better.
  thats why im trying to be healthy. but i dont know if i can. i dont know if i can cope. i just dont know what to do.

• 34 Catherine // Jan 10, 2008 at 6:48 pm

  First of all, I have to say that I’ve been keeping up with this site and it’s really helped and I feel fully recovered.
  Pine, I can definitely relate with the feeling of no control with your eating. I really think the first thing to do is get professional help, because if you’re mixing your emotions with your eating then it’s still a problem.
  I think it’s sooo awesome that you got through your anorexia with friends and family.
  In regards to the bingeing, my friendly advice to you would be to try eating meals. Even if just an apple in the morning just to get you in the habit of breakfast. And just try focusing on food as health that you need to fuel your body, that is enjoyable as well. Eat often, 3 to 4 hours, don’t think of yourself as restricting so you don’t go overboard. Don’t hate yourself for this. Your body is probably just well, confused because for awhile you didn’t eat. Not to mention, eating too much probably isn’t going to hurt you as much as barely eating…eating too much doesn’t make you lose hair or lose your period.

  Let me know how things go with you!!!
  Take care.

• 35 isabella mori // Jan 10, 2008 at 7:29 pm

  hello everyone, this is isabella mori, the owner of this blog.

  i want to tell you how grateful i am that this here can be a bit of a forum for people to exchange ideas and experiences. or, as they say, “experience, strength and hope.”

  @pat, you sound like an awesome mom. it’s so hard to not just step in and say, eat, eat. i wish you continued strength in trusting your daughter; hopefully that will model trust in herself.

  @pine, as you’ve probably guessed in reading some of these entries here – people who are recovering from anorexia often start to binge. it doesn’t HAVE to be part of the experience but it does happen. eating meals is a fantastic suggestion, thanks, catherine – meals that have a beginning, a middle and an end.

  and don’t forget that you pretty much are learning to eat again. so of course there’s a lot of stumbling around and trying things out and falling on your face.

  hopefully you have a trusted professional with whom you can discuss all this.

  @stephanie – you’re being a fantastic friend! and maybe that’s what she needs the most, a friend. if your plan isn’t working in a hurry, perhaps the best thing would be for you to help your friend find someone who has some experience with helping others move through recovery – a counsellor, nutritionist or doctor. because if you get too deeply invested in her recovery, your friendship might be in danger, it might just be too much.

  this is just my “professional gut reaction” – of course i don’t know anything about you and your friend, so i can’t tell what the best course of action is.

  as always, i urge anyone with eating disorders to check out your local eating disorders clinic, somethingfishy and overeaters anonymous, a group that is for people with the whole variety of eating disorders.

  please also don’t hesitate to contact me if you want to talk offline.

• 36 pine // Jan 12, 2008 at 7:17 am

  To: Catherine and Isabella

  Thankyou for your help and advice.
  I am trying to eat healthily, a friend checks up on me everyday and asks what iv eaten, how much. hes a good friend, im lucky, although feel guilty.
  but I dont want to see a professional, my parents dont know about my problems and i dont want them to, it would just cause unneeded upset.
  Thankyou. Xx

• 37 isabella mori // Jan 12, 2008 at 9:30 am

  hello pine, and thanks for checking in again!

  great that you have a friend who’s helping you.

  i understand that you don’t want to upset your family. did you know, btw, that you can see a professional without your family finding out about it?

• 38 Pat // Jan 12, 2008 at 9:50 am

  Hi Pine-
  As a Mom of someone working through anorexia, I can say it was a big relief for my daughter to finally tell me she was facing her challenge with anorexia. Although I worry, I feel as if I can be a support of love and trust. She sees doctors on her own and is also seeing a nutritionist and counselor. She lives 5 hours away from me at college and has had to be independent and I’ve had to get used to her dealing with her health as an adult. However, I am doing it and feel better knowing I’m in the know about her. Hang in there! God bless!
  Pat

• 39 Kristina // Jan 12, 2008 at 10:30 am

  Pine-
  Hi, my name is Kristina and you can check out my blog. (the link is above) I have struggled with anorexia for over two years and it has been hard. I remember when I first realized that maybe this was more than a serious diet. I know seeking treatment can be hard and therapy isn’t easy and gaining weight isn’t either and i have had some bad experince with treatment. It is worth it if you truly want to get better just not make some one happy. If you are over 18 your parents are not required to know. If you are under but still don’t want to tell your parents, I suggest you call a hotline. They will help you and maybe even help you with your parents. There is also school conselurs. They can be really helpful with everything and can hold family sessions. (at least at my school) Remember there is always help and hope out there. The earlier you get treated the better. You also need to find the right person for you. If at all possible find one with an eating disorders specialty. Some people are just not the right fit, just keep trying, there is someone out there right for you.

  Kristina’s last blog post..Weight

• 40 angela // Jan 17, 2008 at 6:16 am

  My name is kristin and i have been suffering from anorexia on and off for 14 years..just recently about 1 1/2 ago it came back with a vengeance. i went from 110 (i am 5’1) to 100 then 95. then i saw a nutritionist and when she asked me what i wanted to lose i said i wanted to be down to 85..well, i got there and then lost more, recently i got down to 74. i am getting married in April and everyone is worried about me. i recently started to throw up everything i ate. i was happy about this because i could eat whatever i wanted and all i had to do was make myself throw up and then i was fine, all the food i just ate was gone..i would do this all the time, twice a day, and it worked right everytime.
  then i said i would stop this and start eating healthy. i would eat fruit, health choice meals, etc. then i notice myself still feeling hungry and would eat popcorn or something healthy, AFTER i just made myself throw up…this past week, i tried to go back to the eating whatever i wanted (because it made me happy to know i could just make myself throw up after i ate). WELL, just noticed the past couple of days, i tried doing this and …to my dismay, it doesn’t work anymore..i now i am scared, for the past 2 months it worked every single time..just ate whatever i wanted and made myself throw up..i would take me 2 minutes and it all would be back up again…now ..it is not working..been trying to make myself throw up for the past week and ….NOTHING is coming back up..tried and tried a couple times…nothing..
  what happened..why won’t it come back up? when it was every single time and now nothing..i know i shouldn’t be doing this period, but i just want to know why, after it was working like clock work and now all of a sudden it is not?

  –Need to know why?

• 41 angela // Jan 17, 2008 at 6:20 am

  Pat, just help your daughter and be there for her and she will get better

• 42 Aliyah // Jan 30, 2008 at 3:08 pm

  heyy
  im new to this, but i just want sum suport.
  im currently going through anorexia recovery. Its soooo hard
  i get good patches and bad patches . sometimes i feel so low i want to jus die, sometimes i feel so positive i feel i can do anything.

  anyone know how i feel?
  i hate anorexia !

• 43 isabella mori // Jan 31, 2008 at 10:54 am

  hi aliyah and welcome!

  yes, it’s darn hard, and quite the rollercoaster, isn’t it?

  would you like some information on people who’ve gone through this experience in your area? i don’t know where you live but maybe i can help you with that. i’ll send you an email, ok?

  in the meantime, is there anyone who’s been on here before who could share a bit of their experience?

• 44 Aliyah // Jan 31, 2008 at 11:57 am

  heyy yeah i jus feel i need motivation and people to keep pushing me
  i jus ate a big dinner, well it was big to me and i feel really fat and stuff
  i weighed myself and its gone up by half a pound since before dinner!
  i hope its jus water retention and not fat
  does anyone else weight themselves constantlly?

• 45 isabella mori // Jan 31, 2008 at 12:08 pm

  there is a saying i really like, “scales are for fish not humans” they are DEFINITELY not good for humans with eating disorders (they’re not very good for people who deal with overeating, either, which you might find surprising)

  can you get rid of the scales? there’s always outside places – gym, pool, doctor – where you can weigh yourself once a month if you need to do that for health reasons.

  btw, fat takes a while to settle in your body. the half pound is the weight of the food you ate.

• 46 Aliyah // Jan 31, 2008 at 12:23 pm

  so will the weight go away?
  i hate sounding so obsessive, i just want to enjoy food and not worry about being fat
  but i guess thats the mission

• 47 isabella mori // Jan 31, 2008 at 12:39 pm

  don’t worry about sounding obsessive … as you recover, that’ll go, too.

  “i just want to enjoy food and not worry about being fat” – yup, you got it, that’s a huge part of the mission.

  as women, we typically burn somewhere between 1500 and 2500 calories a day, depending on frame, level of activity, metabolic rate, etc. if you’ve just started recovering from anorexia, chances are you might have to eat a little more than what you burn to get back to a healthy body weight. (a rule of thumb is a BNI of 18.5+).

  these are good topics to discuss at a forum such as somethingfishy.org. check it out!

• 48 Aliyah // Jan 31, 2008 at 1:05 pm

  my bmi is only 15 and ino i have to get it up
  i jst ate sum banana and a rice cake
  it was really nice, and i hate feeling guilty about eating!
  hpw long do you think recovery takes on average?

• 49 isabella mori // Jan 31, 2008 at 2:25 pm

  how long does recovery take? of course that depends on how you define “recovery”. it’s super individual. let’s put it this way, though: if you really work at it, it’ll probably take at least three months until you start feeling that you have firm ground under you feet.

  as i said, please check out somethingfishy.org. you’ll be able to talk to LOTS of people who are working on their recovery.

• 50 Aliyah // Feb 1, 2008 at 8:11 am

  ok thankssssssss
  had a councellin session today, it was goood.
  i asked her if there was grouo therapy i could try, but theres none in glasgow

  xx

• 51 isabella mori // Feb 2, 2008 at 12:17 am

  aliyah, keep working at it! thanks for showing up again!

  what are you hoping to get from group therapy? perhaps there are other ways of getting what you want …

• 52 Aliyah // Feb 2, 2008 at 2:02 am

  erm im not sure, somehwre in glasgow, but my counceller said currently in Glasgow, there are none!

  oh wells
  jus do it without i guess

  x

• 53 Aliyah // Feb 4, 2008 at 1:04 pm

  hey
  im feeelin so full and bloated
  thought id write it up, so maybe i can feel better about it

  i hate myselff so fat

• 54 rynelle // Feb 8, 2008 at 10:56 pm

  hi, im in the same boat as you guys…id really love some support. im trying to recover from anorexia and i dont think im doing as well as people think i am …

  love some help, thx

• 55 rynelle // Feb 8, 2008 at 11:39 pm

  also..i can really relate to you, aliyah. idk..sometimes i think i have sort of a handle on it and im going to be okay and then other times i cant do anything but look at food and cry bcuz i know i cant make myself eat it and then there are the times when i let myself go and just start binging…of course then feeling like crap again…i need something to keep me steady and under control

• 56 isabella mori // Feb 9, 2008 at 9:15 am

  would you guys like me to start a separate area where you can talk to each other and i can offer a bit of insight?

• 57 Aliyah // Feb 9, 2008 at 11:13 am

  yeah i think so
  wud u mind rynelle?
  i know exactly where your coming from, i am more than happy to support you

• 58 isabella mori // Feb 10, 2008 at 2:44 pm

  okay, people, i’ve added a talk area, here. as i said, if it takes off, i’ll turn it into a “real” forum.

• 59 rynelle // Feb 10, 2008 at 8:51 pm

  thx, thatd be great

• 60 please // Feb 16, 2008 at 4:59 pm

  hello everybody…
  i am a recovered anorexic. I am pretty young, in the low teen years and about 5 feet. my lowest weight was about 70 pounds. It started when i was overweight as a kid, my mom would always try to push me away from food. i hated it so one day i decided to get healthier. i did a great job and was losing weight in a very healthy way, but then it caught up with me. it was like a competition to lose more and more weight. i saw therapists and nutritionists…….didnt do a thing for me, but i somehow self recovered within a year. I DID IT! but now i am 2 years older and 115 pounds….i feel overweight, short (probobly because of my food deprivation as a child), and depressed. I am now experiencing all the things that went wrong in my body within that year and a half of starving myself. i feel fat and want to lose weight. its true once an anorexic always one. i still have all my past thoughts in the back of my head. i alwyas count calories and excercise excessivly…..but now i feel like i overeat and am unhealthy…. what do i do now?

• 61 Catherine // Feb 16, 2008 at 7:05 pm

  to please,
  You are so smart to come on here! I am a lot like you in that I did better once I went back to college and stopped seeing my therapists, although they had helped a lot and I recovered way quickly too. Right now, you need to tell yourself that you are not overweight. You are at a healthy weight and should fight to stay there.

  I found that making meals as a part of normal life crucial in remaining recovered (I’ve been at a healthy weight for 6 months now)! I always tell myself that if I eat too little I could lose more bone mass (I have osteoporosis from anorexia), won’t be able to concentrate on school, will be depressed again, and

  DUH DUH DUH lower my metabolism. Remember, if you don’t eat your body slows down, so eating often when you’re hungry keeps it up. It’s a very good thing. Your body does NOT want you to starve. That’s probably why you overeat. Or you don’t. ..those like us sometimes can’t tell the difference.

  If you want, I can send you my email or a.i.m. sn and we can help each other stay recovered. I’m great now, but I’m always on guard like you.
  Take care

• 62 please // Feb 16, 2008 at 7:58 pm

  thanks Catherine
  the whole support thing would be wonderful, i really want to feel like a normal person and not always have to think about it. i just want to be a healthy, happy teenager.

• 63 Catherine // Feb 16, 2008 at 9:34 pm

  I would love to help you get through this! When I was recovering I wish I had someone to write to. Hmm I’m wondering how I can get you my email and whatnot without posting it. Any ideas guys? I’m 20 yrs. old and only got hit with this stuff last year, but I’m still a teen at heart! Plus, everyone deserves to be a healthy and happy teenager.

• 64 isabella mori // Feb 16, 2008 at 10:00 pm

  hi people – just wanted to let you know that this discussion is now here.

• 65 Aliyah // Feb 17, 2008 at 10:46 am

  hhey please well done on firstly speaking out!
  and im really small too, about 5ft, and im currently in recovery puttin on weight every week.
  and also ithink because you did self recovery, you still have some sort of anorexia issues, i reccomend a therapist, it helps me belive me. maybe you need to get things off your chest, but 115 pounds, that is NOT FAT.

  ” you can get through this, everyone has tough times, love your body for what it is”

• 66 daisy // Feb 19, 2008 at 5:32 pm

  thank you so much Aliyah…and your probobly right about my thoughts now due to self recovery. but in all honesty therapists really didn’t help me…they only made me feel nervous, scared, and worse about myself. i hope that your recovery is going well and i am proud of your state and advice

• 67 Becca // Apr 22, 2008 at 8:51 am

  Im doing a project on anorexia nervosa, do you know any recovered anorexics i could interview?

  Please email me back, our project is due in 15 days and we need someone to interview.

• 68 Jay // Apr 28, 2008 at 8:11 pm

  hi….umm i just saw this and i guess i just need to tell someone…anybody who’ll listen.

  ive been anorexic for 3 yrs and until i met my boyfriend this summer i felt that things were going fine. im 5 foot 6 and i was 140lbs apparently “underweight” im supposedly supposed to be 160. and well after a couple of months as i will tell you i found myself at 170 and its discusting.

  over the summer my boyfriend kept telling me that i was eating too little and so for the past six or so months ive well i guess you can say eating better but ive been dying these past months everytime i go out to eat with him i force myself to eat. i just want to make him happy but its been catching up to me i tried convincing myself that i was fine and i am better but now ive gained weight and people tell me i look great and i didnt gain but the scale doesnt lie and i just told him that i cant do it anymore. i need for myself to go back. i want more than anything to go back to eating once a day. i was happy then and now im more depressed then ever. i just cant do it anymore. i hate eating and its making me sick and i just cant pretend anymore.

  i just i guess i just dont know what to do and i just dont know what to do!

• 69 isabella mori // Apr 28, 2008 at 9:18 pm

  hi jay, and welcome!

  you say “you don’t know what to do” and i get that. these struggles – it really does sound like a mightly struggle – can drive you crazy.

  i also want to acknowledge, though, that you did do at least one thing: you got these thought out of your head and wrote them down.

  if you’d like some support, please try the anorexia support area here on this blog.

  take good care of yourself!

• 70 Aliyah // Apr 29, 2008 at 6:08 am

  heyyyy
  awww i feel for you. hve u tried councelling or something? it does help, i never thought it wud but it does it does. u need contsant support.

  and whatever u do dont go back to ur old ways, eating less is never ever goint o solve anything, how does it? ur no truely happy whenu hungry nd deprioving urself! u just think u are

  x

• 71 Nikki // May 31, 2008 at 9:26 am

  hi every1

  im nikki and im 13….im 5′ 7” and currently 100lbs. I think im recovering but i might just b putting on weight. my lowest weight was 86lbs and that was only 2mnths ago, i really like how i am now and i reli want to stop putting on weight. i know ppl will say to exercise the amount i eat, but it doesnt seem to work! i realli need some advice??

• 72 rachael // Jun 30, 2008 at 2:27 pm

  hey all, its beeen awhile! ive been seeing a therapists but i dont see her till wed and im freaking out, lately ive been non stop eating like eating till i feel sick but i just cant stop and i never throw up i just feel sick and go for a walk but my stomach looooks huge and im just scared i know im still underweight b.c i went to my dr today and she said i was 102 and im 5’5″ so i am still underweight but i hate my body adn i wanna be thinner again, i dont believe i wiegh 102 im pretty sure i weigh at least 105 right now cause i cant stop eaaaating! ah this suckss why does my stomach have to be hugeee i dotn get it haha i feel so i dont wanna say it but the “f” wordd ah i just want somone to atlk to who understands haha thanks for letting me vent

  NIKI- you still need to gain wiehgt i wouldnt stay at your wiehgt b.c if i am 105 and still underweight @ 100 5’7″ you are still underweight you should def keep gaining be strong its hard i cant do it either but we’ll get threw it!

• 73 Lou // Jun 30, 2008 at 11:00 pm

  Hi, i’m lou and i’m 15 years old and 5 foot 5. I think I have an eating disorder, but i’ve never said it out loud. I remember about 3 months ago, I decided to go on a ‘diet’ because i felt ‘fat’ and ‘gross’. I weighed about 145-150lbs at that point. I know this sounds huge but I’ve got a pretty big frame and I am mostly muscle, (i’m a dancer – modern). It started off me watching what I was eating… and exercising more (even though i already did 10+ hours a week). Then I think i became… obsessed a bit. I became a vegetarian, (to cut out calorie intake) and restricted myself to 1000 calories a day. After that i started to constrict to 500, then 300, and now to 150. My thoughts are always on how I look, how much i weigh, how much anyone i see weighs, how fat i am, how disgusting i am, how much of a failure i am, etc. I don’t know what to do. I am supposed to be going to Canada as an exchange student in November and my application has to be in by the end of this month. I want to go so badly but i know they won’t accept me if i have an eating disorder. I’ve started to try and eat more… but its so so hard. Last week i was 106 lbs. I’m currently just 110 lbs. What can I do…. I don’t want to be the ‘fat’ girl again, i can’t do it. Even looking at all these posts, i find myself disgusted because im almost… jealous of these girls who say ‘i was 85 pounds’ and ‘i was in hospital’. I know they aren’t the right things to think but I don’t know what to do. Help me, please…

• 74 Aliyah // Jul 1, 2008 at 1:59 am

  Rachel- hey there. im sorry to hear its been so tuff for you, but you know what? your doing the RIGHT thing your body is clearly hungry, and u need to feed it, so u can get better and get rid of ana. I have the same issue withthe tummy, all my wieght goes there, but see after a while its all gonna EVEN out. You jus have to give it time. And your still underweight, so enjoy all the yummy food u get to feed your body. Anorexi is trying to get 2 u, by saying u need to lose weight, but what does that achieve? NOTHING. belive me, ive been eating more and i feel proud . And yes i feel a bit yucky sometimes, but i keep going cause i know my body needs it! Talk to your therapist about it, but keep eating nd just enjoy it. please.

  Lou- im so sorry to hear youre stuck with an eating disorder. DO NOT let it ruin ur life or chances like it is trying to. The best thing to do, is to not weigh urself, try not to look at urself in the mirrors all the time, cause u will just see fatness, which is FALSE. anorexia will try and plant false thoughts into ur mind, u have to ignore them. emotions are not facts. if u fel fat, it doesnt mean u are.
  about gaining weight, slowly just increase ur food. have 3 meals a day with snacks. as soon as ur body gets food consistently, ur metabolism will speed up.
  have u been to a docotr? nutrionist? cause it is reallyt helpful at the start.
  also try the somethng fishy website. its a good wee help, and u realise u are not alone.

  all the best! keep updating .
  x

• 75 Henry Nicholas // Jul 8, 2008 at 10:23 am

  In my opinion, those ten activities are good in general, not only for recovering, but also for being a person with moral values and principles. Not to mention about the healthy one!

  Henry Nicholas’s last blog post..Map of priciest O.C. homes

• 76 Amira // Sep 7, 2008 at 12:40 pm

  where the start..
  i’ am 15 years old, 5 “2′, currently recovering from anorexic which almost took my life around 6 months ago.

  i was 160 pounds (i do hav a larger set bone structure) absolutely hated it. so i began to restrict, it started of slowly.. 1000 calories per day, 800, 500, 300, 200, 100, then to my lowest 15 calories per day ! ..this went on for 8 months of pure hell.

  so when i finally reached my lowest weight (108 pounds) my hair was falling out wen i touched it, my nails were purple, i was always cold & tired.. i was dying.. but i cud’nt admit it.

  my parents forcefully brought me to the hospital, i was fed with N.G. tube, IVs, on bed rest for 3 months. my heart rate was fading, slow. they told me i was approx 2 days from death. & my body was shutting down.

  after that my only drive was to never go bac to the hospital cuz i wud come out in a body bag. & since i hav had 4 friends die from the disease i knew this was true.

  so now you kno my story..

  i’ am now 113 pounds & waaaaayyyy happier.
  tho i find myself saving up most of my calories till after 6:00 pm & then eating constantly till about 12:00 pm..

  i kno im still not 100 % recovered yet (im getting around 1600- 1800 calories per day) but im still trying my hardest to get better & im looking forward to life after recovery.

• 77 Aliyah // Sep 7, 2008 at 1:09 pm

  heyy… its so good ur recovering now!! keep going and regain ur life bak! caus ehonestly by regainin , the voices get less and u enjoy food more. im so happy for u, and when u feel down think of allthe horrible times with ana. to be in control u must get rid of ana. well done
  xx

• 78 rachael // Sep 7, 2008 at 2:01 pm

  aliyah- im eating really good actually i still sometimes restrict but not much at all, i drank soda the otehr day woo haha not diet either! and my stomach and everything is actually distributing and its nice to have a butt agian…like my jeans dont fall off also my bras fit again so yea i am actually liking my new body and starting to feel more comfortable with eating and not over excersize, also i have a lot LESS stress here! how have you been doing?

• 79 Aliyah // Sep 7, 2008 at 2:10 pm

  rachell wwoweeee way to go you eh! yup im good, eatling lots all the time. my main addcition just now is like nts like brazil nuts and that. so calorific but soo good and tasty! its so nice ur accepting ur body, thats the way to recover! u shud love it, its halthier and better and not starving! well done onthe non diet soda, i drink non diet too now, its better, and uno what the diet is worse for us, it will have all sorts of hidden sugar and stuff. its better to drink normal kind

  xx

• 80 rachael // Sep 7, 2008 at 2:21 pm

  yea i dont really drink sodaaa but the nuts i agree with you my weakness is peanut butter i probably eat it everyday haha i will eat it with anything tooo, i am really enjoying recovery because food isnt the enemy anymore its something that helps you live, i always think “food for thought” im feeding my brain and my body needs the nuritment also i have gotten a lot of compliments on how i look better and not bony and people still say i look thin so that helps me take another spoonful or bite of my dinner to know i can still look good and not have to starve myself!

• 81 Aliyah // Sep 7, 2008 at 2:25 pm

  aww thats so good though! yeh im loving recovery just now, ino every now n then i will have a bad day or whatever but i can ignore that stupid lying voice now and food i enjoy every single meal and i always look fwd to meals. r u near ur ideal weight? how many calories rougly do u eat a day?
  x

• 82 jay // Sep 8, 2008 at 5:25 pm

  hi, i wrote a while ago…i think it was comment 68. but im more miserable than ever…ive gained a total of 40lbs and i used to get into fights with my boyfriend about going back to my old ways and i know inside that i souldnt but this is sicking. i now weigh 185 lbs and you can tell. i spent so much much on jeans when i was so tiny that now i cant fit into them anymore!…i just had my prom in june and cant fit into my dress. and im in tears right now as im thinking and typing about this is. its so hard to fight this it really is.. but i dont want to lose my boyfriend because he told me that hes not really sure what he would do if i went back, and not sure if he could talk to me or be with me. its almost as if it hurts him more than me and its true. i want so badly to go back, and i know i cant. its so hard, and i know that if i just get to the gym between school in the city and work and babysitting and homework i could lose it….slowly but i could. i dont get myself sometimes and i confuse the hell out of my boyfriend, so hes told me. i know whats right and wrong and i know the alternatives but its almost like i havent been my
  old self” in so long that my body is screaming for it. but its so hard cause i know i cant. and its hard because i cant stomach to look at myself anymore.

• 83 Aliyah // Sep 9, 2008 at 1:19 am

  Jay-im so ssorry to hear ur having a rough time,but r u at ur ideal weight?
  ino what ur bf sed hurts,btits because he cares he doesnt want to see u hungry,, sad,depressed, tired,lethargic and obsessed with food.He likes the non anorexiccyou,he loves the real you!
  remeber anorexia is a lie, its a horrible disease that cud killu! the voice is never happy ,it always wants u to lose more n more weight.bt wot kind of life is that to live where u cntenjoy food!?
  u need to loveyouself,see how ur bf loves u, the world loves u,only anais tellin u ur inadequate and fat,YOUR NOT!!! u have to let ur body beits natual self,women r meant to be curvy.embrace it andenjoy food.enjoy life. if u go bak to ana,( which u wont), u will lose ur life, health , and ur bf. n u will lose control

  stay ion control,love ur self andeat well.
  Buy ‘anorexia- a stranger to the family by katie metcalfe. and see for urself howanorexxia can destroy a persons ;life career family and health. thats what u dont want!
  stay strong,keep fighting the demon
  xx

• 84 jay // Sep 9, 2008 at 6:51 pm

  Aliyah, thank you so much…ur words mean a lot, especially now. right now im not at my ideal weight and i dont really know what i ideal weight is. i just want to be able to look at my self in the mirror and not start crying. once im there it really doesnt matter the weight even if its being 155 lbs to 165 lbs…but i know i cant be 185. and i think i will get that book thank you again so much…and i will keep you updated, hopefully better things will come of this <3 thanks again

• 85 Aliyah // Sep 10, 2008 at 1:22 am

  no bother jay! ive been in recovery for a while,and ino hw hard it can get and how u just wanna give in, butDONT. itgets better! the way to love urself is hard i still find it hard,but u have to accept that regaining weight is part ofrecovery and that u must eat as much as u can;.let ur body beits natural self, andthen u will love it. the only thing stopping u from loving it isana. so dnt listen to her!

  goood luuuuuuuuuuuck stay strong

• 86 sarah // Sep 10, 2008 at 10:39 pm

  Hey, don’t really know why I’m posting, I’ve never done it before, just feeling really low today.
  I’ve had anorexia for five years, and have permanent body dysmorphia. (which really doesn’t help).
  I restricted heavily for years, and then more heavily for another year, then collapsed and spent lots of time in ambulances and ERs. Then one EDU, then another one for 2 months. That was at the start of the year, but now my partner has a bmi of 16.7 and hardly eats.

  I’m supposed to be at home being all positive about food, and i did that for a while, but now it’s all blown up in my face, and I can’t eat! My body hates it when I restrict now, just because I did it so intensely for so long. I’ve lost quite a bit of weight and I feel like I’m going to pass out a lot of the time, but have to be strong for my partner.
  I can’t keep food down unless it’s ‘safe’ food.
  Any tips to not let my partner’s possible eating disorder make me slide back any further?

  (sorry about how rambly this was…)

• 87 Aliyah // Sep 11, 2008 at 1:17 am

  sarah- hey sorry to hear uve had such a horrible time with ana.first of allu must put urself first and make urself better. get ur health, i thnink uve suffered long enough! enjoy the taste of food and the energy u get from it. then focus on ur psrtner, u have to set a good example , and show ur partner food is good. i would say u shud try take ur partner to a doctor and maybe consider councelling.

  but your body hates u when u restrict because it needs food, why listen to a voice and feel ill and faint. where is that gna get u in life? nowhere but a hospital or grave. get ur life back sarah. get ur weight up, its the only way out the mess, eat unsafe foods, make a list of them, try them one by one, ull be suprised at how easy it can be . well all be here to supprt n encourge u. You must realise ur partners ed is not an exuse for ana, get rid of ana, only then can u focus on helping and supporting ur partner fully.
  good luck

• 88 Darlene // Sep 21, 2008 at 9:40 pm

  Hi
  I’m not anorexic, but as a former teacher and counsellor, I have known and know many who are . It’s a very hard struggle, in many cases, a struggle for your life.

  The fact that you are on this site, looking for help and support is a VERY good sign, and puts you in the category of those who have a fair to good chance of beating anorexia, in my opinion.

  I LOVE food and love my body even though I am overweight. I believe I have what I call reverse anorexia… a distorted body image where I feel lighter and smaller than I actually am. Aren’t I lucky? I think I am because although I have climbed from 110 lbs at 18 yrs. of age to 194 lbs. at 53, I carry it well and am happy, healthy and love people and life.

  My goal is to stay under 200, and I’ve been able to do that throughout menopause by eating less and becoming more active when I get close to 200.

  My friend who works in Cancer Care says the gals who have extra pounds generally do better if they get cancer because their body can afford to lose weight during chemo and radiation treatments.

  I know this is a different way of thinking, but I wanted to offer it to let you know that gaining weight isn’t the end of the world. Looking back at pictures of myself at 118 lbs. and 126 lbs. (I’m 5′ 4”), I honestly think I look sickly. I looked and felt best at 168, and consider that my ideal weight. However, I’m fine the way I am now, carrying most of the extra weight on my hips, not my waist. It’s how the women in my family are, on both sides.

  So put some weight on gals… eat the foods you like, exercise in moderation only… and enjoy LIFE!

  (I know it’s not that simple for you, but I believe you can do it.)

• 89 Gem // Sep 22, 2008 at 1:06 pm

  Hi i’m Gemma.
  I had anorexia between 19 and 24. I’m now nearly 27, emigrated from UK to NZ on my own and now started making myself sick again. It annoys me that I have put weight on, although i’m still only 9 1/4 stone and 5’7. I know I shouldn’t have gone back to this, but its so hard to try and stop it. I feel like my whole body just won’t sort itself out and I’ve got this roll of fat round my belly where everywhere else is ok. I just want to be a fit healthy normal 26 year old. I don’t think i’ll ever get over constantly thinking about food and what i look like.

• 90 Aliyah // Sep 22, 2008 at 1:37 pm

  Hey there. well done on admiting to urself u have an eating disorder. the only way to think normally and get a healthy perception of food is to eat. ALOT. ino how horrible that may sound to u, but anorexia feeds on an unhealthy mind. when u eat more, u actyally feel mor ehungry and u feel so much better, full of energy and what not. then u start to realise there is more to life than weight, and u honestly do start to get a healthy perception of everything the key thing is u must want to get better and accept that ur body is going to change and that regaining weight is th eonly way out. its the best thing ever though. yes it is hard but for me, i mean i battled anorexia andbulimia for 6 years. and now finally i am overocming it, and belive me, my thinkin has become alot clearer.
  u cud see a doc and nutrionist and counceller. have a gd support team and u will get better. ino u really muist want to. who wants to think about their weight all theit life? no one, life is about alot more than that!

  xx

• 91 Gem // Sep 22, 2008 at 7:14 pm

  doesn’t help though… it makes me feel worse at the moment. I think my body is storing fat which gets to me even more. I certainly can’t get family support… theyll be worried sick with me being so far away too.

• 92 Aliyah // Sep 23, 2008 at 2:33 pm

  until ur body trusts u agen, ur weight may fluncutuate a bit and u may find urself putting on weight easily. the only way to overcome is, is to make sure u eat regulary and eat a lot. this will speed up ur metabolism and eventuallu ti will even out.
  If u feel u cant get support from family hw wabout a doc? one things for sure, u definetly dnt deserve an dED in ur life, and its not makin u happy is it? so lets get rid of it1 everyone on this site is here to support u!
  xx

• 93 gemma // Sep 25, 2008 at 12:22 am

  i think i just have so much going on at the moment that its just something i can control. everyone around me seems to be a proper size or toned. i just control my eating habits or my shape.
  i’m staying with a couple who ask me constantly what ive eaten for tea and when am i going to eat proper food. i wish theyd just leave me alone instead of acting like my mum and dad… it just makes me more upset and annoyed.
  i shouldn’t have let myself go back to this… or maybe i should have stayed in england. either way i feel stuck.

• 94 Aliyah // Sep 25, 2008 at 2:45 pm

  gemma- awww yes situations like this is when anorexia can attack. Like u sedu feel its the onnly thing u can control but u cnt. ur not in control, of an ed the ed is in control of u. Those people around u are worried and concerned about u. Thers a reason for it, and u need to make sure u eat properly. Healthy and happy is the way to be. Everyone around u may SEEM to be all toned and perfect but tey r not. sure there will be sum! sum will just have gd genes but in the end they all will eat wel, cause they know to look good u need all the nutrients and vitamins in u.Th eonly way to be fit and healthy is to actually eat well and do lugh exercise. depriving urself of food, well that isnt gna do it. and anorexia is a lyring voice, anything she tells u is a lie, u will never be thin enuff in her eyes. Break free and start being YOU not a person contorlled by a horrible illness

  x

• 95 gem // Sep 27, 2008 at 1:22 pm

  Thanks, i know you are right. I’ve been through all this before and got through it by exactly what you are saying. sounds stupid that, but i’m ashamed too that i’ve gone back to it after staying strong for so long. I thought i had recovered and that was that.
  Do you think i’ll do this for the rest of my life… on and off bulimia. I want to think not, but its happened now.

• 96 Aliyah // Sep 27, 2008 at 1:26 pm

  dont worry its a hard jorney! EDS are not hard to get over. its easy to slip back, but u are stronger and u have realised it now. just make sure u eat well now and look after ur body. ur body needs loads of nourishment. uno today i had an indian for dinner, then cake and this noughat thiing. and i felt so bad after, i had ana basically then i realised its cause i was still hungry! and i ate more and felt better. so eds will feed on hungry minds. dnt let it
  xx

• 97 gem // Sep 28, 2008 at 1:01 am

  i can’t eat more and more… i really can’t. I’m so scared of ending up big like i was at 18, and if i ate more now this minute i would just make myself sick. I do eat normally now, i just hate being bloated and having a belly ( everywhere else is ok), i’m at a good weight and if anything i overeat cos i can’t stop myself bingeing. I hate being so pathetic… its not like i can say i am ill and anorexic again. Just greedy and make myself be sick when i’ve been too bad i guess you could say. I want to tone up but i’m lazy.
  Isn’t it bad when you end up hating your own body so much.

• 98 Aliyah // Sep 28, 2008 at 3:25 am

  Gem- everyone hates being bloated. By not eating properly ure obviously gna be really bloated the way to stop bloating is eating regularly, and try things like yoghrt and that. It can help reduce bloating.
  Yes its not nice when u hate ur body its horrible, thats why u have to learnt to accept it as it is.everyone has their own unique body shape and size and u have to let urs be its ntaural self and love it.Maybe u cant say ur anorexic, but u can definetly say ur bulimic. i went from one to th eother. each is horrible and each is going to lead to death.
  You must get better and that is by eating, if u keep going the way u r, ur gna damage ur body then itll be too late for it to be reersable.
  when u say ur eat normally, how do u eat? how often and how much? is their certain foods u wnt eat?
  u have dep body issues, i do too, ino how u fel i used to hate my body so much , hit it and i hated othe rpeople looking at it. but i got over it, u must too. theres so much more to life than bdy size and shape!!

  uve got a lot more to give!

• 99 Aliyah // Sep 28, 2008 at 3:26 am

  Gem- everyone hates being bloated. By not eating properly ure obviously gna be really bloated the way to stop bloating is eating regularly, and try things like yoghrt and that. It can help reduce bloating.
  Yes its not nice when u hate ur body its horrible, thats why u have to learnt to accept it as it is.everyone has their own unique body shape and size and u have to let urs be its ntaural self and love it.Maybe u cant say ur anorexic, but u can definetly say ur bulimic. i went from one to th eother. each is horrible and each is going to lead to death.
  You must get better and that is by eating, if u keep going the way u r, ur gna damage ur body then itll be too late for it to be reersable.
  when u say ur eat normally, how do u eat? how often and how much? is their certain foods u wnt eat?
  u have deep body issues, i do too, ino how u fel i used to hate my body so much , hit it and i hated othe rpeople looking at it. but i got over it, u must too. theres so much more to life than bdy size and shape!!

  uve got a lot more to give!

• 100 Maria // Sep 28, 2008 at 12:53 pm

  Hi everyone
  im so glad i found this site. i realized that i have been suffering from anorexia, and just realized and admitted it. my friends and family have been concerned about my weight loss for a few months now and finally it has come out. i started off dieting healthy like most of you and started to lose weight and i felt great then after reaching my goal, it just kept going and going until i started eating less and less my meals became a banana bag of soy crisps and something small for dinner. every day the samer thing.. i hav ent had my period in 4 months. i am down to 113 and im almost 5’8. im physically (ithink) doing good because i am eating more. like a banana, glass of juice, two pieces of toast, a salad, soy milk, and protein like chicken or fish with vegs and a baked potato for example. but i still find myself counting calories and whatnot. i even sometimes have snacks like i used to. but its always the same breakfast and lunch, its like ocd. i was also a vegetarian until my mom and i decided i needed protein in my body. i cant stop thinking about it its on my mind 24/7 no matter what. if im with my friends or in class or trying to do homework i cant concentrate normally, im miserable and have constant moodswings. i used to be such a happy persona nd i cant stand myself anymore. sometimes thoughts that i just want to die come up and i feel crazy. im going to see a counselor and nutritionist soon and i went to a doctor (who said i have rlly low estrogen) and might need to go on birth control (which freaked me out bc of possible weight gain) but i really would like some advice to just get this all out of my head i want to be happy and i want my life back someone plz help

  Maria’s last blog post..By: Aliyah

• 101 Aliyah // Sep 28, 2008 at 1:12 pm

  Maria- hey welcome to the sitee! you are not alone! first things first recocery is hard but amazing all the same. ur gna learn to love food agen but more importantly learn to love urself! its a jorney of self discovery! The start is hard maria, u have to really push urself. anorexics need to eat about 2500- 4000 calories! ya it sounds like loads but people who go into programmes get fed this much! If u wanna truely be happy u must learn and realise that weight gain and body shape changing is part of the process and ui have to learn to love it! Eating well and lots and often will help boost ur metablism and give u loads of energy!
  hmm u sed u eat the same stuff all the time? thats not good, cause routine is anorexia related. i mean ur nutrionist will help u wuth that, but until then, write a list of foods u cud eat instead, like for example if u always have a cereal bar or bowl of cereal instead of a banana, lunch u cud have sum sort of sandwich, a baguette the next day.

  variety is the spice of life! love food, enjoy it, and ignore that voice! regaining weight is the only way out this mess!
  good luckkk keep posting x

• 102 Maria // Sep 28, 2008 at 1:58 pm

  thanks for the advice, its amazing. i just have one question; do u have any tips or advice for me to stop constantly thinking about this? i can’t get it out of my head which causes me to be miserable and not act myself and i hate it

  Maria’s last blog post..By: Aliyah

• 103 Aliyah // Sep 28, 2008 at 2:18 pm

  Maria- no problem! honestly try and eat three big meals a day and have as many snacks as u like. food is to be njoyed dnt feel no guilt

  Its hard to not think about it. its sumthing that gets better over time, i still think about it. Th best way is see when uve eaten sumthing do sumthing to keep ur mind off the food. so like- have a bath, fone a friend, read a book, go for a walk, listen to ur fave music go shopping! anything u like really, but dnt stay isolated. be social and sit about with family n pals an that cause isolation will make the voices stronger. see when im really full and feel a bit crappy i sit with my family or watch a tv programe or sumthing to keep my mind off it!

  good luckkkkyyy whens ur appointments with doc and nustrionist?

  ur definetly doing the right thing! healthy and happy right?!
  xx

• 104 lou // Sep 28, 2008 at 4:57 pm

  Hey everyone,

  I just want to know what to do. All these posts seem to be people who need to gain weight. I do not need to gain any weight anymore. To be honest, I probably need to lose a little. But i do not know where to start eating ‘normal’ because the three meals a day and snacks is still making me gain, if that makes sense. Now im not saying im FAT, just that i’m like 125-130lbs and thats ‘normal’ even if i’d prefer 110. Oh well, i guess i have no choice, you cannot do anything with so many eyes watching you as i do. Its crazy.

  Can anyone offer any advice, is anyone in the same position as me?

  Sometimes i feel i have no right to write on this… im not ana, im just chubby with a bit of a screwed up mind

• 105 gem // Sep 29, 2008 at 12:37 am

  this sounds terrible… but once youve been down that road, you never stop thinking about whats in food, how many calories there are in it. It just seems to stay with you. You just have to learn to control your mind and just accept the food for what it is. Its hard work!!!
  I do eat normally now, but the people who have seen you ill never trust you… they are always watching!
  You have to let the folks worry, but at the same time they have to realise you do want to come out of this… its not easy, i know… thats why i’ve slipped back to it. I have another fight on my hands and i know it will never truly 100% go away out of my head.

• 106 Aliyah // Sep 29, 2008 at 11:10 am

  Lou- ino uve told me about ur situation before. ur in a wondeful position belive me, u know ur bodys at a state where its running well and everything is working internally. yes im sure it is hard, of course it is, but u sed what ur eating is still makin u gain? uno u have to keep doing it, until ur weight levels out. then u know ur eating enuff to maintain that weight. AFter that if u wanna lose weight u can do light exersice. but dont do anything drastic like cut out food groups, or go on a diet, let ur body learn to fully trust u agen!
  time is all u need, and u have plenty of it, so dnt worry about how u look and try to enjoy life and live it to the full! i bet u look beautiful no matter what, so ddont worry about it. ur more than a number!

  xx

• 107 gem // Oct 4, 2008 at 12:49 am

  well,another day another few binges with alternating being sick. i have to change this starting tomorrow. i’ve decided… i am going to end up dead if i carry on like this. i’m 26, i don’t want to end my life now. i hope its not too late… and that the damage is already done.
  ive got to learn how to eat normally again, i don’t really know how to or where to start. so its going to be tough. stick with me guys… it starts here. x

• 108 Aliyah // Oct 4, 2008 at 2:07 am

  gem- were all with u. im glad u have decided to get better. you are young nd have alot going for u! why let anorexia ruin it? theres no reason.
  how abotu startin off by going to a doc and gettin a nutrionist? she will help u make a meal plan that u can stick too. until then eat 3 meals, makew them big and snack inbetween.

  good luck lovely
  x

• 109 Gem // Oct 9, 2008 at 5:50 pm

  Hey guys…
  bit of a funny week. Did ok first day, back to square 1 yesterday. Today i’m off to docs for a medical for a driving licence anyway, my glands are up in my neck because i was sick, so I’m hoping my doc isn’t too sussed with eating probs!!! I have gone 24 hours anyway without being sick, I need to focus on the positives. It is so hard… c’mon we all have to think that there is more to life than battling this day in day out. I found a piece on the death of a bulimic at work yesterday… it was horrible and thats not how i want to end up.
  Let you know how tomorrow goes, but the battle goes on anyway!!! xxx

• 110 Aliyah // Oct 10, 2008 at 2:39 pm

  gem- heyy well done u! ur so right, we do need to focus on positives, u dont want to die, and tast whats eds do. u need to be stronger nd eat really wel.. do not let an ed ruin ur life!
  gd luck x

• 111 Mazzie // Oct 29, 2008 at 4:34 am

  Hi guys.
  I have been suffering from anorexia for about 4 years. I was admitted to hospital 2 years ago and spent a long time there, it was so hard at first but eventually i started to feel really positive about putting on weight and loved life again. I looked foward to getting my cleavage back and being able to waer the old clothes i used to love.
  Since being out of hospital i lost a little, but hav managed to maintain the same weight for about a year. At the moment i am feeling so frustrated, i have lost a little of that positivity and have stated exercising. I am constantly thinking about food! But i am not restricting, which is the bonus. I keep trying to get myslef a normal lifestyle, i miss eating out so much and would love to have meals out with my boyfriend like i used to, or go out drinking with the girls and not worry about the calories in alcohol but instead just let loose and have fun. I know i am so close to recovering, yet i cant seem to break that final barrier. I know life without anorexia is so much better and fun, yet at the same time i am so terrified of loosing it…. but i dont know why, it casuses nothing but heartache!!!!!
  If i coud just be comfotable with putting on weight it would be ok, but yesterday was one of those real fat days, and i tired to beat it by letting myself have a treat, out of routine.. just to stick it to the illness… but ended up feeling even more guilty! I will keep battling, cause this illness is just not worth it. IThanks to everyone who has posted their positive messages and advice, it has truly helped to read them.
  The best advice i was ever given was to think of food as medicine… your body needs it to function.

• 112 Aliyah // Oct 29, 2008 at 8:50 am

  mazzie hey well done so far! anorexia recovery takes a long time i had it for about 6 years and now im nearly recovered, like u. ive started going out to dinner, going out drinkin alot more but now n then the voice creeps in. i dont exercise though, im way too lazy!
  just stay strong, remember life is better without ana, and ur more than a number. recovery is not jusabout weight regain, its about discoering the real you.

  love yourserlf!!! try go out for a meal, its so tasty. beat that voice, and prove to urself, u r in control

  xx

• 113 Anonymous // Dec 16, 2008 at 6:40 pm

  Hi, I’m 15 years old and starting to recover from an eating disorder. I have been told that it is anorexia but I dont see myself as being overweight and never have, all I want to do is put on the weight and be healthy again, I do have a fear of getting to fat as I was previously overweight and believe if I put on weight it wont stop and I will become overweight again. Is it easy to maintain a healthy weight once you reach it? Would you consider what I’ve got to be anorexia or some other sort of eating disorder. Any information would be helpful. Thanks.

• 114 Aliyah // Dec 17, 2008 at 4:23 am

  hey there.
  who said u have anorexia? if u are very underweight, or at least underweight , restrcting food intake , purging, low self esteem, loss of periods, low confidence, laxative abuse, over exercising, feeling tired and lethargic, weak, unable to see u are underweight or just doing a number of these things u probably are.
  and yes once u get to a healthy weight ur body will not keep putting on more and more. ur body has a set point, which is the weight it works best at, homeostasis. once u get to it, u have to leave ur body to do what it will. everyone set point differs, but at that weight u will feel good, have energy and ur body wil function well!
  my only advice is to eat well and dont worry about being overweight!!
  i have been suffering from anorexia and bulimia for a long time, and now im getting better and its the best thing in the world! ur doing urself great favours:)

  xx

• 115 melissa m // Jan 2, 2009 at 10:48 pm

  Hey, guys. Way to go to all those like me who are fighting to free themselves form anorexia, bulimia, or any dependency. It’s all real hard, especially acknowledging the problem and then acknowledging HELP IS needed- no matter who its from. So yeah, just giving encouragement………. and wondering if anyone out there would like a friend to chat/ emial with. My name’s Melissa, I’m 18, a college frshmen in Elk Grove, Ca, and just want someone to recover along with-. Just emial back to: melbewitched@yahoo.com com for more info. Thanks so much- and BEST WISHES!!!!!!!!

• 116 anonymous // Jan 20, 2009 at 3:31 pm

  Hi, I’m 15 and recovering from anorexia. I never realised how hard it was and what a terrible disease it is. can someone please reasure me that when I increase what I eat that I’m not going to balloon and put on a lot of weight quickly, thats my only worry.
  thank-you for any help

• 117 Aliyah // Jan 20, 2009 at 3:36 pm

  hey there
  i know how u feel, ive been there, its tough but belive me recovery is the best thing ull ever do !!!
  anorexia is SLOW SUICIDE belive me.and for ur weight i had the same thoughts when i got better and its false. u wnt put on lots of weight, ana will make it think u have. and any weight u put on will be water weight, and u have to stick with it and eat regulary till ur body trusts u agen and then honestly ur weight stabalisies and balances out.

  im proud of u for deciding to get better, ive had anorexia for years and i had the same thoughts as u all the time, but i learnt its sooo not true. behappy and live ur life!

• 118 Mazzy // Jan 23, 2009 at 12:42 pm

  Heya, I was just reading over some of everyones comments, and Id like to say that I find it a relief that someone finally understands how I am feeling. I have been sufering from anorexia for the last two and a half years, which in that time have been admitted into hospital twice. but i’m now on the way to recovery (I think). Recently my meal plans have been going OK, but I find that everything has to be so strucured, and I have to count the calories in EVERYTHING. I havn’t picked a piece of food up and eaten it without thinking about this for the last two years, and I just wish I could live a bit more spontaniously. Has any one got any advice on this, or how many calories do most recovering anorexics eat in a day? x

• 119 Aliyah // Jan 23, 2009 at 3:46 pm

  heya there welcome to the site! im aliyah, and i know just how u feel! i have had anorexia for about 6 years and it is really hard to break that mindset but uno what does it? POSITVITY. wake up and tell urself i will eat what i want, no matter wats in it! life is for living and recovery is about discosvering the real you, not the anorexic you. Honestly the best advice is, to keep positive, eat with others, dont be alone, go for walks or watch tv or sumthing when u feel bad and remind urself, anorexia is slow suicide. throw away scales too, scales r for fish!

  you will see life is so much better without an obsession of calories. come see for urself…
  xx

• 120 Me, Myself & I // Feb 11, 2009 at 4:41 pm

  Hey just came accross this site on a random google rade!!
  Was just wondering how the hell do you get your hair to grow back?? Lost over half of it and slightly recovering from the hole anorexia thing, im definitially fat now……you can grab flesh!!!!! ughgh!!! Anywhoo, so iv been eating a rediculous amount of protein (fish mainly) , takin naurkin, been eating spinish and takeing iron along with eating loads of bean sprouts (aparently they have silica which really helps). Is there something im missing!! Im defininitially eating loads (have a wierd addiction to fruit and veg, always eating them non stop, im talking 300 apples in two weeks along with numerous other fruit and vegies) If anyone has any advice it would be so helpful, the hole hair loss thing is making the depression worse. Gaining weight is one thing but having your hair fall out along with it is impossible to live with!!!
  Hope you all are doing well!!

• 121 Aliyah // Feb 13, 2009 at 1:26 pm

  me, myself & i- hey there hw u doing? diet wise, u need to make sure u eat not jus protein and lots if fruit n veg but lots of carbs too. i bet ur not fat!!! jus cause u can grab, doesnt mean ur fat, part of its skin too yano but yeah i wud say make ur diet is balanaced and im sure the hair loss will stop. honestly diet can fix a lot of things. have lots of nuts like almonds etc good for the hair.

  i wish u luck x

• 122 kate // Feb 16, 2009 at 1:00 am

  Hi, I’m a college student recovering from anorexia. It started the summer before I started school; I wanted to get in shape and get fit. I was never really uncomfortable with my body type–I’d always been a little overweight for my frame (like 137 lbs at 5’4) but not anything unhealthy. I started counting calories and cut out mindless snacking. I also lost my appetite for sweets and dessert when I cut out nearly all carbs like bread and pasta. I lost weight and felt great at first but I kept on losing without trying. I think I was drastically overestimating the number of calories I was in-taking (try for like 1200) I saw a picture someone took of me at a party and didn’t even recognize myself- I still felt like the curvy girl I was inside. It was like looking at another person; I looked sick and gaunt. My lowest weight was about 95 lbs. I was tired all the time and felt like a 90 year old man whose knees would crack and pop every time I sat and got up. I decided I needed to gain weight pronto, like 20 lbs. I started eating chocolates and nuts and protein bars like they were going out of style. Followed by whole jars of peanut butter till I felt like I’d explode. Now I know this wasn’t healthy either, but I started to get my appetite back and wanted to eat everything in sight. Usually, the cravings would kick in at night and I’d spend all night eating, even staying awake till dawn just stuffing my face. Obviously I’ve put on weight–I’m about 132 currently. The problem is, the bingeing hasn’t stopped–nor has the avoiding rice and pasta and bread. The more I think about it, the more I’m afraid of relapsing. This causes me to eat more. But then I’m afraid of the weight gain at the same time. I have a hard time gauging when I’m hungry. Whenever there is nuts around or anything munch-able–even apples– I end up eating several servings. Before it was like my anorexia was me rationalizing my preventative action on obesity–now my out of control weight gain is my preventative action on anorexia. I dont know what to do. I can’t figure out how to eat normally. My body has fallen into a pattern where it wants food every 3 hours or so but is satisfied with a small amount until evening when I’m like a bottomless pit. I feel pressure in my abdomen (from food) but I still feel hungry for more. It’s almost as if the feeling of fullness, which I hadn’t felt for so long is a binge trigger in itself, causing me to eat more and more and more. I really need some advice on recovering from anorexia without feeling the compulsion to eat everything in sight. Please help!

• 123 Kelly // Mar 13, 2009 at 10:36 am

  Hey, i am a college student recovering from anorxeia and bulima. I have had an eating disorder since i was in the 7th grade and now i am a freshman in college- so going on 6 years. thats scary to me and something that still burdens my mind. I am not full blow anorexic any more but i do skip meals or not eat at all occasiconly. I came to this site because i googled ( recovering from amorexia) because i feel like this is my demond that wont leave me alone and i just want to be free of thinking about being so thin. My lowest weight was 88 pounds and i am 5’1- it got to the point where my period stopped and i was always light headed. this diesase has controlled me for so long. One of my best friends right now is going through a eating disorder and i want to help her but the scary thing is that i am jealous of her and when i think about the weight she is- theres a part of me that wants to be back there. its sick and twisted and i should be worried for her and give her advice but instead im selfish and thinking about myself. if anyone has ne advice it would be great. thanks and i wish all of you who posted luck because i do understand where your coming from and i know how hard and what a long road to recovery is. god bless.

• 124 charlotte // Mar 14, 2009 at 3:59 am

  Im 16 and weigh 50.6kg at 5’7” and i’ve had anorexia for at least a year now, and been seeing a doctor for about six months. I must have a really fast metabolism or something because over 5 months, eating 3000 calories a day i only gained 1.2kg. I then went on a school trip for a week, and lost it all. Amazingly they increased what i ate by an extra muffin a day, and then i gained all the weight id lost- in 10 days. It really scared me, and now i feel huge- even though my mum and others tell me im not. Im doing my best but people dont seem to realise, and i know my parents are so worried and upset. I really just want to get better but i cant see any way to get out of the mess im in. I eat everything im given, but constantly calorie count and think of how i could eat that little bit less.

  charlotte’s last blog post..By: Kelly

• 125 charlotte // Mar 14, 2009 at 4:00 am

  Im 16 and weigh 50.6kg at 5’7” and i’ve had anorexia for at least a year now, and been seeing a doctor for about six months. I must have a really fast metabolism or something because over 5 months, eating 3000 calories a day i only gained 1.2kg. I then went on a school trip for a week, and lost it all. Amazingly they increased what i ate by an extra muffin a day, and then i gained all the weight id lost- in 10 days. It really scared me, and now i feel huge- even though my mum and others tell me im not. Im doing my best but people dont seem to realise, and i know my parents are so worried and upset. I really just want to get better but i cant see any way to get out of the mess im in. I eat everything im given, but constantly calorie count and think of how i could eat that little bit less. I really need help, but its made me feel that bit bettter hearing about how so many of you have made improvements and are getting better.

  charlotte’s last blog post..By: Kelly

• 126 Aliyah // Mar 14, 2009 at 5:37 am

  charlotte- hey there ino how u feel dont worry u are not alone in ur thoughts. Well done on REgaining the weight u lost, all u did was regain weight, u didnt put on any weight , keep reminding urself that. secdonly, anorexia ruins the metabolism, the best way to let ur metabolism set and return to normal is to eat what ur give and all of it, and ur body will trust u agen and stay at a set weight and point. it happened to me, at first i regained loads and i got scared but i stayed at it, and it lessens.
  im so glad ur eating what ur given, that just shows anorexia whos th eboss!!! keep eating, and everything will fit into place. when u get a though counter it. so if it says, try to eat a bit less of that, say, why! im not fat, im healthy and beautiful and i want to eat so i will! u will not get fat . the body is an amazing thing.
  and anorexics always always overestimate their body size and think theyre bigger than they are, when theyre really not, and that conitnues even after they get to their ideal weights, after time it stop.s

  time is th ebest healer, i think ur really brave and amazing and ino how u feel. just post when u feel bad and out of control but never control ur food ok?

  x

• 127 charlotte // Mar 26, 2009 at 2:26 am

  im 17 and have had anorexia for the past year. im 5’5 and 97 pounds and have had issues with OCD and food all my life (especially in my teenage years). im terrified of putting on weight and i never purge but have wanted to after bingeing which i havent done in a while. ive been living on a liquid diet and eating once every four days and i keep getting told how dangerous this is in the long term,the more you do it the worse it is for your body and i know all that,but i just cannot imagine eating again,ive always been thin but i decided that being really really thin and losing weight was the one thing i could achieve,the one thing i can actually succeed in. every day and night unless im asleep is like being in a hell of anxiety and obsession and self hatred. ive always felt really awful about myself and had zero self esteem due to mainly issues with my father, family things etc. im so terrified all the time of what this disease could do to me and its destroying my mother but i cant imagine not doing it. i live in the hope that one day ill stop doing this to myself and somehow get better

• 128 brittany // Mar 31, 2009 at 7:01 pm

  I’m having a difficult time with the “Being open about food issues with other people.” I try, and there are a few people that I feel completely comfortable talking about my eating disorder with. However today I was at work, and one of my coworkers mentioned the fact that I used to run ten miles a day. Another girl asked if that’s how I stayed so skinny, and said she wanted to try that! I became highly embarrassed and just completely removed myself from the situation. My anorexia is still a major source of mortification for me; I fear letting anyone see any part of me that is less than perfect. I know this is ridiculous — no one is perfect. But I still have the urge to strive for that unattainable goal. I am working on it though!

• 129 Pat Mc // Apr 14, 2009 at 6:24 pm

  Hello Brittany!
  I’m not anorexic, but my daughter is and I’ve been by her side for the past six years as she has faced its challenges. I want you to know that one of the best things my daughter and I did was to approach her anorexia head-on with absolutely no thought of embarrissment. It’s nothing to be ashamed of and those who face this challenge need support and love. Everyone I’ve known with an eating disorder has been someone who is extemely intelligent, very gifted, and extremely loving and sensitive. What an amazing group! No one is perfect, TRUE! Believe that and give yourself a break from perfection… it just doesn’t exist in anyone.
  God bless you! If you need me I’m here!
  My daughter is currently on the upside of this whole thing… Every day is a new day! Smile and know you’re not alone!
  Pat

• 130 shiran // Jun 11, 2009 at 7:04 am

  i need help i cant bring myself to eat but i m storving

• 131 Maroru // Jun 11, 2009 at 11:24 am

  Hi ,there!
  I’m on recovery from anorexia ,it is really hard !!!!
  it is not just eat and you’ll be fine …it is more than that.
  But what i have noticed is that if for someone in recovery is it normal to think in food all the time? i but mean, no like 24/,but really quite often than before.

• 132 Aliyah // Jun 11, 2009 at 12:45 pm

  shiran- welcome. i had anorexia for a long long time, and bulimia, and ino how hard it is to take that first step. but really what u need to say is, what do i gain from starving myself? the answer is nothing, and starving ur body is slow suicide. there are so many long term and short term risks, u can get from starvation, ur body doesnt deserve it. theres a better life out there, that involves enjoying food. im sure u want to be part of it.
  have u thought about counceling or going to a doctor?

  maroru- welcome! im aliyah, had eating disorders years aand years and recovery is the best thing u will ever do. u will gain back ur life and learn a lot about urself.and yeah it is normal to think about food a lot, because ur actually eating it now, and that can be quite strange to ur mind and body, it will get less . i used to just look foward to meals all the time, and eating and think about it, but it will calm down!

  all the best x

• 133 shiran // Jun 12, 2009 at 6:19 am

  thanks aliyah for answering.
  i also would wanna ask u what would u say was the best thing and most affective thing that caused u to get better??
  was it therapy? friends? yourself?
  i really wanna get better already this is going on already for 4 years and it is really ruining my self being and my social life .

• 134 maroru // Jun 12, 2009 at 8:35 am

  I’ve noticed some side effects of anorexia in my body…for instance, my period was reduce to the minimun like day and half and that’s about it (at least i still have it ) , i am cold all the time …winter was a nightmare for me,when before i enjoyed it .My hair falls in chunks ,whether i am taking a shower or not, i have to take supplements like no other… and i actually have to take ensure plus to make gain weight . What the wake up called was , it was that one day as many others i weight myself and the number i saw on the scale was less than 90lbs(40 kilos) it just scared me .It was the lowest i ever been in my entire life ,the lowest and the scariest !!! since i am 5’2” and 32 yrs. old !!!!
  i asked myself how low are you willing to go? and what for? IT DOES NOT WORTH IT !!!!! .
  I am (still) size OO !!!! .
  i can not shop at my favorite store anymore ,because happens they do not carry size OO ,the lowest is size O and i am still too small to fit that size.IT IS NOT WORTH !!!,whether you shop here or there doesn’t matter .
  I am not saying is easy and i have had many relapses ,but i do believe is part of the recovery process ,as long as you realize what it is right and wrong . i’ve been in recovery since Febraury this year or late Janaury and i do have more freedom . I think everybody needs a wake up call and mine happened just in time,because weighting lower than i did at the time i don’t know where i would be right now !!!! or in what conditions !!!!!.
  good luck everybody !!!

• 135 Alex // Jun 14, 2009 at 6:21 am

  Hey. Im 14 and have struggled with anorexia this past year.
  I have nearly recovered though and am so much more talkative and happy now. I am still a bit underweight but much much better than i was before. It has been a rollercoster ride but im so happy i was caught in time.
  I realised that if i kept doing this to myself, I wouldn’t be able to go to school and see my friends again.
  Luckily I didn’t have to go to hospital and was to recover at home with the help from my family.
  My sister had the same eating disorder which was also a part of how i got ill as I compared myself to her when she was ill.
  I have never seen myself as ‘fat’ but I just wanted to get thinner and thinner as i thought it was pretty, but it wasn’t.
  I wasn’t able to eat or talk around people but now i can and I love it!:)

• 136 Chloe // Jun 14, 2009 at 9:11 am

  Hello to everyone hope its going well for u all! 18 and recovering from anorexia and bulimia (all though that aint going to well cus im doing exams and its so stressful). Been suffering from an eating disorder since bout 13. Finding it so hard cus im just a healthy weight but it kills me to look in the mirror. My clothes that used to be loose on me are now snug but I can still wear them perfectly. Recently I have felt like im on the verge of a relaps cus i just keep looking at my legs and seeing a cow! I know thats what comes with this hole anorexia milarky but its just a pain in the ass and I just need to vent a little! Actuall speaking of a pain in the ass, my ass bones used to hurt me whenever I sat down and it doesnt anymore. I know thats a good thing but the scary thing is I miss it. I miss by bones hitting of things and I miss struggling to walk up the stairs. The scariest of them all is i miss going to bed feeling like I have a heart attack. I used to go to bed with fear and Its totally not normal for me to miss that! Much happier tho I suppose but that might be due to the meds iv been put on! Anyone ever feel these disturbing things?? Again just need to vent!!

  Just wanted to say to maroru that I suffered from severe hair loss. Chunks would be in my hand if i so much as touched my head. In the end I couldn’t hack it anymore and ended up cutting most of my hair off with a nail scissors when I was on holliday!! I now weigh 110ib and my hair doesn’t fall out anymore. Actually it prob stopped once i hit 104ib. Was on naurkin for ages but I think the thing that helped the most was eating protein (since i was living on fruit and vedge) and giving up bullimia! It might come back since iv been getting sick recently but ill prob be able to quit again once my exams are over. Anywho my point is the more protein u eat the less it will fall out. Mine is still pretty thin but again more due to the bullimia than anything else so if you focus on protein it should really help. Try the naurkin range as well actually. They have shampoo, conditioner, scalp lotion and suppluments. Good luck!!

  Also wanted to say to Alex. So proud that you never found yourself fat. Thats a big step. You seem really focused and that should get you better much faster so that their will be no long term effects. Good luck aswel!

  Chloe.
  x x x

• 137 Chloe // Jun 14, 2009 at 9:18 am

  Ooooo just wanted to say also that pat mc has such a good point!! Telling people does make it so much easier. Should prob take some of my own advice here but I have been kinda secret about my weight feeling which could be whats causing the relaps. Anywho my point is being open and honest about it is prob the only way to get better. Otherwise ur head just seems t go against you and drive u nuts.

  Good luck again to everyone!

  Chloe.
  x x

• 138 shiran // Jun 15, 2009 at 8:11 am

  hi everyone!
  i also feel my hair falling out and getting thinner, r there any vitamins or such kinda stuff that wont make me gain weight that i could take that will help the hair problem??

  i was wandering also if there r any eating dissorder teens that would wanna b in contact through e mail???

  have a gr8 day!!!

• 139 shiran // Jun 15, 2009 at 8:16 am

  hey i also forgot i wanted to know if anyone was put on Zoloft for dealing with the eating disorder??
  i am on it and i am scared it will cause weight gain. does anyone know of any side affects that it has???

• 140 isabella mori // Jun 15, 2009 at 8:20 am

  hi shiran – please go to http://www.moritherapy.org/anorexia-talk-for-people-recovering-from-anorexia-2/ – you’ll find plenty of support there!

• 141 Chloe // Jun 15, 2009 at 11:06 am

  Hey shiran, I no its something ur not gonna want to here but ur gonna hav to gain a bit of weight to get ur hair back. I suffered severe hair loss and let it go to far so if u focus on eating protein with a small bit of low GI carbs it will have a significant effect on ur hair. I promise u tho that it wont cause u to gain much weight.

  Good luck!

• 142 Aliyah // Jun 15, 2009 at 1:02 pm

  shiran- for me, my motivation to get better was, really that i wanted to be happy, and i was sick of living how i was, in misery and hungry and thin and i wanted a life , and to go to uni and fo my degree and enjoy life and food. i think each personsmotvation will be different, but just think of what u truely want in life, and recover. its along journey but worth it. ur gna have to REgain weight back, dont see it as gain just as regaining, cause that is what it essentially is.

  my email is alfonzo_mango@hotmail.com
  feel free to email me, im always happy to chat x

• 143 maroru // Jun 15, 2009 at 1:39 pm

  Hi , everyone !!
  i just want to make some recommendations that i have done or am doing right now…
  First , i take (like i said before) supplements and vitamins such as: Postasium, Acid Folic, Complex B, Centrum , Vitamin C ,papaya enzime
  I do eat wheat bread , oatmeal cereal (Cherrios), lots of dairy foods ,since my nails got them bristle and fragile .
  Also, i’d like to make a book recommendations and this is something i recently read is named LIFE WITHOUT ED by Jenni Scheffer . If you have not read it ,you must !!!!! .if you had , you’re gonna agree with me that this is a helpful book …you gonna love it !!! this girl went throught the hells of Anorexia and bulimia . As someone going throught a recovery from ED , believe me ,you gonna see yourself in her story. Beautiful book, the chapters are short so don’t worry if you’re mind start to wander around .
  so, that’s my contribution hope you like it

• 144 maroru // Jun 15, 2009 at 1:44 pm

  By realizing i wanted to get away from my ED i can tell you guys that now i feel more free than before !!!!! imagine that !!! now if i feel like having a cookie or two i am gonna have it (them). As long as you eat healthy you also can have you treats from time to time …and it is not necesary that it has to be on a Saturday or Sunday or anything particular day of the week or weather …if i feel like having a cookie today i am gonna have it…is that sweet?

• 145 maroru // Jun 16, 2009 at 9:01 am

  And i forgot to tell you that in order to regain a healthy wieght you should drink either ENSURE PLUS or BOOST PLUS …they will help you in a healthy weight to get back on track …i’ve been having ensure plus and it helps !!! gives you more energy !!! and they taste pretty good …vanilla and strawberry my favorites

• 146 Lindsay // Sep 15, 2009 at 7:27 am

  Hi. My name is Lindsay and i have been a suffering anorexic for about a year and a half. I want everyone to know that this is the hardest thing I have ever had to overcome in my life, it has unfortunatly almost beaten me to death. I am 5’6 1/2 and i currently weigh 85 lbs. I have sought out treatment before ( Day Hospital Program) but i found it was not enough supervision and support for me, so i left. I am a severe anorexic aswell as bulemic. It is sad but true, that my doctor told me just recenly that because of my complaint of not being able to digest food ( it just comes up) he thinks that i have done permanant dammage to my esophageus. Because Day treatment did not work for me, the next option is inpatient treatment, where they keep a watch on you and you live in the hospital for about 2 months untill you are stepped down to the day program they have available there. Since i last left the day program I was 110 lbs, now i have been waiting for approx 5-6 months to get into inpatient treatment and i am now down in the mid eighties. I am so frustrated because i am basicly waiting to die, or waiting to live. They said i have abut 2 wks left untill I will be admitted, but who knows, yesterday the doctor called my house and told me that my potassium was so low im at a huge risk for a heart attack and i need to consistantly take my potassium pills, the problem is i can hardly digest anything, so even when i do take my pills, depending on what im doing, if i bend over, they will just come right back up (undigested), and the noise in my stomach is awfull, just awfull. I wanted to say all these things because I hope someone can relate to what im going through, there are MANY reasons why i have developed anorexia and bulemia to this level, but i understand and acknowledge that I have a problem and i WANT to gain the weight that i need to. I also love exercising. This is a problem aswell, because i am too week now to do anything i can not work out, and one of my goals is when i am better, to put on a good amount of muscle with a healthy diet, but i just have so many doubts as to if i will ever be able to do this, or any of the things (goals) that i have in my life. Please feel free to comment. I talk a lot, but because there is so little for me to do now, most of my days consist of thinking.

• 147 isabella mori // Sep 15, 2009 at 8:06 am

  hi lindsay

  thank you for speaking up. there is an area here http://www.moritherapy.org/anorexia-talk-for-people-recovering-from-anorexia-2/ where you can get support from others who have gone through this before you. i’ll also email you privately.
  isabella mori (@moritherapy)´s last blog ..understanding parents

• 148 aliyah // Sep 15, 2009 at 9:25 am

  lindsay- wow im so sorry to hear about everything. recovery is possible, and ur not gaining weight, your regaining your life back.
  i hope u get intro treatment soon, and motivate urself to get better. theres a much better life out there without an ed.
  I had anorexia and bulimia for many years and i found recovery very very hard but it can be done

  and you can do it too, xx

• 149 Feeling helpless // Sep 15, 2009 at 2:26 pm

  Im trying to recover from anorexia/bulimia. Its extremely difficult for me because I am not infact under weight, so every once in a while I reason with myself that I could stand to lose a few more pounds. When I look at my body I just see fat ontop of fat. In 4 months I went from 200 lbs to 155 (Im 5’9″) and I feel like Im not at the weight I want yet but I dont want to be like this anymore. I dont want to throw up, obsess and spend hours at the gym. I dont know what to do. I dont know how to be healthy becasue healthy makes me think I am going to get fat again…Im also under the constant temptation to go on pro-ana sites…Do you have any resources? Tips? Im at a loss and I cant live like this anymore!

• 150 aliyah // Sep 15, 2009 at 2:35 pm

  u did the right thing by deciding to do something about it. the good news is that u can get rid of this , and be a happier and healthier person.
  right now ur split , u want to get better, yet part of u screams out to lose weight and not eat.
  u shud go to a doctor, and say how u feel, they can get u profesional help, and those people will support u, plus they have the resources, to help properly.
  u wnt get fat, ur body is suffering.

  dnt go on pro ana sights and write down, what u want to gain from recovery. also remember, if u deprive ur body of food, ur emotions and mood will be all over the place. feelings are not facts, u have to stay strong and not give into a voice xxx

• 151 losing control // Oct 15, 2009 at 1:59 am

  Hi, i have just started my recovery (hopefully) and i have no idea how to deal with losing all control over every aspect of my life. i have had an eating disorder for 6 yrs, what seems like my whole life and to just now tell people, especially family is one of the hardest things. the extreme guilt and shame is overwhelming. i wish i never did this to myself, the repercussions are enormous. but in saying that – i am here writing to you, so that is a good sign (i’m telling myself ) . writing is therapeutic so this is the one thing over all that i recommend to other sufferers, it brings me some control back and gives me some focus as to what i’m REALLY thinking.

• 152 You can do it // Nov 20, 2009 at 9:30 am

  Hello,
  I came across this website on the off chance, but after reading all of these people messages I really wanted to enter something myself… Well I dont know how I developed my Anorexia… But it did become very bad… I went down to a weight where I was unable to think, unable to be happy… I would snap at my mm and my boyfriend constantly (how they put up with me I will never know), I was ever so tired and lathargic and couldn’t move very much , but at night I coulnt sleep, I was a talking skeleton and in bed my bones dug in to the mattress and eventually I began getting cuts and bleeds from where my bones were rubbing on the mattress…

  I started taking laxitives every day and this became a problem when I wasnt near a toilet… needless to say, it was very embarrasing.. I constantly thought of food, ate about 300 calories a day, exercised for atleast an hour a day (and if I had eaten “a bit too much” the previous day I would take the day off work sick, just to exercise as much as I could). I lost contact with all my friends, as I couldn’t be around people, I didn’t have space for socialising with everyone… if I did, I wouldnt be focused and wouldnt have time to exercise! I had fits, palpatations, headaches, bruising… in the summer i was cold and wore a jacket and scarf, while everyone else were in tshirts and bikinis… Id panic when i knew food was near me… id start breathing quickly and stuttering as i refused that one small chocolate… (the chocolate i believed would cause me great harm!)

  I went to the doctors one day about 3 years ago, where she asked me many question and said I was going to be refered to an eating clinic…

  Then the day came where I was refered to the clinic… I went along and was petrified (after cancelling the appointment 3 times i finally went)… She asked me question upon question, weighed me, looked back on my history… and i cried… The thing that made me realsie what i had done to my body, She said to me, if i loose anymore weight i will be hospitalised, and will probably die… i had got that bad… I went very regulary to see her, and she was wonderful… we went over many things, my mum and i realised that we were both keeping things from the past and it made it easier for us to let go… I was gaining weight at a good rate… having 3 meals and 3 snacks… and then i decided i was going to leave the clinic, although i hadnt reached my goal, i thought i was strong and wuold do it all on my own!

  Well after leaving the clinic i went down hill, and began loosing alot of weight again… clothes began to become loose again! no energy, moody, not being able to sleep… the LOT!!! and then i looked in the mirror one day, and i saw the girl 3 years prior… The anorexic me had come back again, and was taking control…i decided i cant let it…

  So now i am trying again! I havent reched 8 stone yet (weighed myself today and i am 7st 12) but my aim is to get there… sometimes i feel like i am going to burst and panic… OMG i am fat, i look ugly, but if i am honest the memory of what i used to be before i was gripped by anorexia, that is an attractive image, the one most recently, well it just isnt..

  I have an amazing support network, since going to the clinic, both my mum and boyfriend have a major understanding of the illness, and encourage me, and remind me “perhapsit is time you ate something”…

  All i can say, i know i am not there yet, i have a long way to go, and i dont honestly think anyone with anorexia will ever get rid of it… it is apart of you that you have to deal with… just like having a certain colour eyes, it is a part of you… but being strong means you can beat it and control it… Everyone is worth more that this… it does destroy your life if it goes too far!!! So be strong… YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN THE LIFE ANOREXIA IS WILLING TO GIVE!!! I have realised that there is more to life, and although i have my bad days and good days (no matter who you are wether suffering from a disorder or not you will have them), i prefer how i feel now i see my friends, my family is happy, me and my boyfriend can go do things on the spur of the moment and not think i am too weak or it is too cold… I am sorry i have babbled i just wanted to write my story and i really hope this helps others… JUST keep going, and my best advise is talk to some in the first instance… An eating disorder is a very lonely place… if you dont ask for help, you may be lonely for a long time…
  PLease take care of yourselfs x

• 153 aliyah // Nov 20, 2009 at 1:59 pm

  hi there
  thanks for sharing your story, you clearly are very strong and i admire you.
  i too used to abuse laxatives and exercise lobsessively. i decided to get help, i relapsed got ill again, and now finalllly im far in recovery, at an ideal weight.
  remember, ur regainin back weight ur not fat. ur body has a weight it works best at, so dont deprive urself.
  hope u have many good days to come, stay strong and never ever ever give up
  x

• 154 Clemmie // Nov 27, 2009 at 5:04 pm

  Hi, my names clemmie and I have had anorexia for 6 years. I have been in hopsital twice and the second time after treatment i thought i was better but i wasnt. In the last 2 months I have lost 1 stone in weight and have gone from 8st to 6st 12. My main problem is that i gain weight so so quickly. I know that i must put on weight because i want to get better but the problem is is when i get to a healthy weight i continue to put on weight and then i panic and restrict food again. All i want is to be a healthy weight and not keep putting on weight. Will this ever happen?? I juust want to break this vicous cycle but i am worried that in 6 years I have done irreversable damage to my metabolism and have slowed it down so much that for the rest of my life i am going to have to watch what I eat. It’s such a horrible feeling because i want to be free of this horrible disease and get on with my life but i jsut cant because when i keep putting on weight so easily i fear that i will carry on putting on weight until i am overweight. Please help

• 155 You can do it // Dec 8, 2009 at 8:25 am

  Hello Clemmie,
  I have just read your blog, and yes at first your weight may shoot up but that is because your body has been starved of food for so long that when it starts being fed again, and it grabs on to what ever you give it because it thinks, when am i going to get the next bit off food, i better store as much as i cn in cas ei get starved again. You metabolism will get faster again, and you may otice that you are loosing weight and at that point you will have to eat a slight bit more to keep the weight on… I guess yo know that you will feel bloated as you said you gained the weight and now have lost it… but you need to keep going, Anna will be telling you are fat… but i am sure you are not… I am currently recovering and have made a huge leap to a healthy me… and it is worth it… You just have to believe in yourself… You said it yourself you dont want to be like this stuck with this vicious disease… So believe me when i tell you, you need the food… it is how your body works, and how it keeps going… How tall are you?
  I dont think that you will ever be over weight… i think you will always be aware of your weight, but aslong as you can control that and keep it at a ealthy weight, if you can gain the weight to a healthy weight you will be able to maintain it…

• 156 shannon // Jan 7, 2010 at 5:55 pm

  hello my name is shannon.
  i dont think im anorexic i was 9stone 7 alot of people are worried about me and saying ive lost to much weight that i looked beter what i used to be its only been 4 months and ive droped down to 7stone 4. i havnt reali ate but i really need help i say to myself that im going to start eating in the morning but then when morning comes i weigh myself and look in the mirror and it puts me complity of.

  i am always cold dizzy moody never want to go out because i want to excercise but havnt got the energy to. my period has kind of stoped and my hair has got thiner.
  i just want to be normal again like my friends i watch them eat chippy and all and i say why cant i be like that.
  at christmas and boxing day i didnt want my mum and dad finding out i wasnt eating so i ate and felt so guilty so i went and made myself sick.
  i want to eat normal but ino i cant. i look up answers.com and all to see about my metabolism and it says that if i eat normaly il put on an awhful amount of weight. i am so scared of putting on alot of weight and getting strech marks plz do you have any way of helping me..
  shannon x

• 157 aliyah // Jan 8, 2010 at 5:41 am

  shannon- i understand ur fears i have been there myself, the fear of gaining weight is horrible. but ive been thru it the REgaining weight, and so has many people on the site and they will all tell u the same.
  regaining weight by eating more food will not make u gain loads of weight relalyfast. U need 500 cals every day extra for a week to gain one pound! u need to speed up urmetabolism, and the ONLY way to do it is eat regularly, even if its small meals, because it will help weigh regain to be slow and steady.
  u shud make up a little meal plan, like write breakfast and tick it once uve ate it, and after a while ull get into a routine of eating.

  dont throw up and dont take laxatives, they will seriously harm ur body. theres a woman on this site whose now suffering severe liver damage and needs a transplant because of this.

  u may think ur not anorexic, but u have all the disordered thoughts and fears and ur weight sounds very low so dont harm urself anymore. u can get better now and live ur life.

  http://www.something-fishy.org/

  that site mite help good luck x

• 158 shannon // Jan 8, 2010 at 7:06 am

  thank you aliyah..
  i do be really hungry and have alot of cravings for things to eat like chips chocolate and crips all that fatty stuff but i feel like if i eat one small chocolate sweet that i put on weight i dont want to eat them because if i do i think once i eat them i weigh myself and il have put on an extra 4 pounds its so scary.
  i have a plan made out for today but im forcing myself not to eat. but if i count the calories up its only adds up to 800 calories i really need help.
  i dont want to eat becaue im eating on my own so im skipping my meal what shall i do and if i do eat any thing at all i just want to go and excersise incase i get fat but dont have the energy to if i dont excerise will i put on more..
  how long does it take your metabolism to go back to normall and when it does would i have put on more weight than when i started because everything i read its like dont eat alot when recovering annorexic it puts so much weight on you so fast.

  i just need somthing to push me to get better..
  but im so so so scareddd.
  i want to stay like this but i used to love food and play football and all i used to be happy but its just got me so down.

  sorry for being so annoying and asking you things but im new to this and just want somone to help me without going to a pro..

  shannon x

• 159 shannon // Jan 8, 2010 at 7:13 am

  and i for got to say
  i have a friend and she knows that i starve myself and she asked me will you please eat. and i said yea i will when i get home i did but then i made myself sick. i have said to her that i am eating like a horse but im really not and im lying to her about what i eat..
  the only thing i would eat with out getting sick is a half a slice of toast or a wee small blow of conflakes what shall i do about that..

• 160 shannon // Jan 8, 2010 at 7:17 am

  and she thinks.
  you just eat its so easy but she doesnt no whats going throught my head its so confussing
  and my mum and dad said that too

• 161 isabella mori (@moritherapy) // Jan 8, 2010 at 7:49 am

  shannon, welcome! and thanks for your reply, aliyah – you are steady and faithful …

  most of the anorexia chat is going on at http://www.moritherapy.org/anorexia-talk-for-people-recovering-from-anorexia-3/ now – maybe it would be best to take the conversation there.

  good luck!

• 162 aliyah // Jan 8, 2010 at 10:59 am

  shannon- i knowww how u feeel. i had the samre thoughts, u have to challenge them! u have to say ok i think this wee sweet is gna make me fat, lets test this theory ( which is false).
  Ur metabolism will take a good few weeks, to get back to normal, but it depends on how u eat and how long this has gone on for.
  Start small, 3 small meals a day, try to eat as many calories as possible. 800 cals is nothing, but if its more than what ur having now, start at that and slowly build up.

  People dont understand whats going on in ur mind i know , its best to ignore these comments to some extent and focus on urself and recovery.
  is there anyone u cud eat with ? eating alone is hard and its too easy to throw food away.
  Also purging is going to slow ur metabolism, i also used to have bulimia where i threw up and took laxatives, and my metabolism slowed right down, its awful. dont do it, u will make recovery so much harder.

  u made a plan thats a gd step, now stick at it. have some motivation, why do u want to get better? what does urt future hold , what do u want it to hold? what foods do u want to be able to eat? how do u want to look?

  lets face it, looking like a skelton is not nice, and neither is being overweight. u want a happy medium, and that is what u shud aim for, and u know the only way is thru a balanced diet. But trust me inr ecovery u have to eat ALOT of food, because the body needs the food to repair all the damage.

  gooood luck, stay strong and never give in . eat well. xx

• 163 aliyah // Jan 8, 2010 at 11:01 am

  also i dont want to give u too much stuff to take in, but you are not gaining any weight, ur just REgaining back the weight u lost . Your mind is starved of nutrients, and that is why u have the disordered thoughts, when u start to eat, its hard but after a while the thoughts will go away.

  i have been thru it all, and i know people from the site also, and its do able be positive. xx

• 164 shannon // Jan 8, 2010 at 11:13 am

  Thank you very much
  i want to go eat a chippy tomarrow but i no when tomarrow comes i wont want it and if i do eat it il just fall back again in a day or to i need to have will power but im not good at that.
  id love to just start of eating nice big healthy meals but it not going to that easy since you did say that i have to start of wit small meals..

  i just feel so miserble not thinking right you have helped alot now but in a few days ana will get on top of me again..
  shannon xx

• 165 aliyah // Jan 8, 2010 at 11:25 am

  shannon- ur welcome, and i know how u feel. some days are better than others. If u feel like a chippy go for it, u dont have to have it all, have a little, just treat urself to the taste. u deserve it.

  http://www.thesite.org/healthandwellbeing/mentalhealth/eatingdisorders/eatingdisorderstherisks

  There are so many risks, each time u get ana thoughts think of these risks.
  You will get better, if u want to, and i can see that u do, u will do it. it can be a long slippy road , with lots of bumps along the way, but u will get there.

  is there anyone u cud tell at all? doctor? parents?

• 166 shannon // Jan 8, 2010 at 11:42 am

  but ino that i will want to eat it all because it will be so tasty and havnt had something like it in ages.
  and that will get to me i shouldnt have started a stupid diet it not worth it because i cant get out of it.
  i dont want to talk to anyone im not good at talking to someone because i dont tell them i just say im ok.
  the only person i will talk to is my best friend but it will be hard because she might not understand what im going through and all she would be able to do and say is EAT
  but it not that easy..

  i hope i do get trough it because im sick of being cold insolated, my hair falling out, being dizzy never having enough energy to go out and not being in any happy moods..

  i am glad i found this site and that im talking to someone that went through it all before it kind of helps but its not enough..

• 167 shannon // Jan 8, 2010 at 11:44 am

  xx

• 168 shannon // Jan 8, 2010 at 11:48 am

  and i need to say i cant stop everything i go to eat i count the calories and then if there 100 i think thats too much so i dont eat it

• 169 aliyah // Jan 8, 2010 at 11:54 am

  yeah sumtimes its best to eat the things that dont have calories on it.
  all the horrible effects u just decsribed the feeling cold the hair falling out, it will get worse. dont let it.
  well uno if u get a chippy and u really like the taste then eat it all! one chippy isnt gna make any difference. or if that really scares u take out a portion that ur gna eat and just have that put the rest away or give it to someone else.
  the urges to reduce food intake and eat less are going to be there for a long time, and u have to challenge it one at a time.

  all the best, stay strong, and try to treat food as ur medicine. if u dont make eat, itll get worse and ull end up in hospital on a drip.

  xxxx

• 170 shannon // Jan 8, 2010 at 12:01 pm

  okay thank you very much you have been alot of help and thanks for reading and writing back
  xx
  i will try the things you said.. xx

• 171 Danielle // Jan 9, 2010 at 12:07 am

  What? You erased my post for help?!

• 172 Danielle // Jan 9, 2010 at 12:08 am

  I am sory if i am not anorexic enough, but I thought this was a recovery site

• 173 isabella mori // Jan 9, 2010 at 12:14 am

  danielle, you posted your original posts not here but here http://www.moritherapy.org/anorexia-talk-for-people-recovering-from-anorexia/#comments. actually, most of the conversation is going on here now: http://www.moritherapy.org/anorexia-talk-for-people-recovering-from-anorexia-3/
  isabella mori (@moritherapy)´s last blog ..feather on a wordless wednesday

• 174 Danielle // Jan 9, 2010 at 12:15 am

  do you want to hear the real deal? they send you to a place and make you eat 3500 cal a day. but its its all in low cal cal food. You know so the bulimics don’t freak out. So everything you eat has to to be lo cal. So you try to gain fifty pounds on dry pasta and bagels.

• 175 shannon // Jan 12, 2010 at 8:11 am

  i starting eating meals and i eat chocolate and all but in 3 days ive put on 3 pounds and its starting to get really hard i am so scared i just want it all to go away. can you tell me something to do to stop this because im am getting the thoughts in my head that im going to stop eating and i will stop
  shannon xx

• 176 wedding toasting flutes // Jan 13, 2010 at 7:24 pm

  Thank you a lot,
  this is very useful for me,
  keep going on.

• 177 Cara // Jan 26, 2010 at 10:27 am

  Today I got told that I have osteroporsis (or however its spelt) in my spine. My blood pressure’s very low, my kidneys are in trouble and I’m having heart palpatations. I recently lost my boyfriend of 3 and a half years becuase he couldn’t cope/understand why I wanted to starve myself. Anorexia got hold of me soooo tightly. I just wanted to be thin, even though I was already ‘normal’ size 8, I wanted to be smaller, I’d be happier if I was thinner, more attractive – this is so FALSE!!
  I’m at my lowest wieght of 7 stone at 5″6 I look terrible, my skins awful my family are really worried about me and I have lost my boyfriend, who I loved very much.
  Being skinny really isn’t all that.
  Now i’m ‘recovering’ everday I make the effort to eat more and do less. seriously, I don’t want to die yet and thats what happens with anorexia – I could actually die! I cant believe I’ve got myself into such a state. Now I need to get out of it and turn my life around. I need an eating plan and suppliments and a new way of thinking. Any Ideas?

• 178 aliyah // Jan 26, 2010 at 2:37 pm

  Cara- well done for chosing the road to recovery. Its the best thign u will ever do . Its going to be a hard long journey with lots of mixed emotions but u can do it!
  You have to remind urself that u are REgaining weight, and each time u take a bite u are gaining back ur older life, a life which is not obsessed with food and eating.

  Ideas for food, is to eat small meals regularly, this will help speed upo ur metabolism. Eat a variety of foods, and try to eat foods u enjoy . Never chose the low fat calorie free stuff, and if u can drink an energy drink, or milkshakes with lots of calories every nite.
  It takes 500 cals a day on top of what u normally eat for a week just to gain one pound. So trust me when i say u wont get fat, u wont. Ur body has a ntural set point it works best at, so let ur body get to that stage. Its for ur best.
  My gran has osteroporsis, and its horrible, dont let anything else happen to you now. Its not worth it trust me.
  You mite find the link below helpful, its my stages of recovery, and some may relate to you. I had anorexia for 6 years, and i got over it, you can to Im not fat and im happy, i can eat food enjoy it, and i dont get negative obsessive thoughts. They go away as u challenge urself, and realise for urself that they are all false thoughts.

  http://www.moritherapy.org/article/recovering-from-anorexia-overcoming-the-obstacles/

  GOOD LUCK x

• 179 jordy // Jan 29, 2010 at 1:07 am

  I suffered from anorexia from 2004 to 2009. I just started to really recover in December, and I’m doing much better now. To complement what aliyah said towards cara’s comment, I couldn’t agree more. I know how hard it is to deal with obsessive thoughts every day…. It consumed my life from when I was 12 until I turned 18. While I’m only a month into recovery, please believe me when I say that you can recover cara. I was terrified that I would never be happy, whether I ate or not, but after starting to eat, everything has changed. I’m genuinely happy for the first time in years, and I’m at peace with myself. I no longer have obsessive arguments in my head over whether I ate too many calories, or didn’t work out enough. I just eat when I’m hungry and work out to be healthy. (I know, I know, much easier said than done…but once you get the hang of it, it gradually becomes second nature.) It’s such a relief not having to worry about food, and to just be able to enjoy it. I was really surprised by how much free time I had left in my day…I never realized how much time I spent researching and obsessing over food and calories. I’m not going to lie, I do have hard days, but they are becoming much further apart. Sometimes when I put on clothes or stand in front of a mirror, I have a hard time accepting the way I look (which, according to doctors, charts, and whatnot, I’m at a healthy weight), but it’s getting easier to cope with. I try to find ways to feel happy and satisfied with my life that doesn’t have to do with the way I look. So far, it’s working. Honestly, I wish you the best of luck with a successful recovery. Take your time, and try not to worry about burdening others. I never in a million years thought I would be able to overcome this, but I did. I hope you can, too.

• 180 Cara // Jan 31, 2010 at 4:29 pm

  Aliyah and Jordy, Thanku so much for your lovely positive comments It is so nice to get it off my chest (so to speak) to people who understand the hell that is Anorexia. I have been reading lots and have a better understanding of how/why its developed and I kinda feel a bit ‘normal’ knowing I’m not the only one with this awful illness. I have felt so alone for years, but now I’m going to turn my life around with a little help from friends and family. Thankyou again. Much love and peace to you both xox

• 181 jordy // Jan 31, 2010 at 9:15 pm

  You’re very welcome…I hope you write again if you ever need more support. It can feel very lonely and isolated having anorexia, but you’re far from alone. Sometimes I even have a hard time convincing myself that it’s a real disease and that I’m not just inflicting it on myself. I try to remind myself that it is hellish and sad and lonely, and that no one would ever choose that. I’m glad you’re getting help from friends and family. I’ve tried to steer clear of anyone who invalidates anorexia as an illness, and it has helped a lot. Just a bit of advice… Hope it helps
  And again, good luck

• 182 El // Feb 3, 2010 at 8:02 pm

  I’m 15 yrs old, 5”5 and currently weigh 96 lbs., I’m recovering from anorexia but I’m still not sure I want to recover. I’ve been hospitalized twice already this year and had an eating disorder in 8th grade too. I feel like I don’t need to gain anymore weight even though everyone else thinks I really need too. I feel sooooo huge, and disgusting. My lowest weight was 89 lbs. and that compared to now makes me feel like I’m a faliure. I’m afraid of relapsing again, but I’m evern more afraid of getting fat. What should I do?

• 183 jordy // Feb 4, 2010 at 1:29 am

  Hey El,
  I can completely relate to you. My lowest weight in the eighth grade was around yours, and I started panicking when I gained weight. It’s okay. Statistically speaking, there’s no possible way for you to be overweight. You’re not even close. For me, it took a long time to realize that I’m happiest when I’m healthy. It took a long time for me to want to get better, and to take the chance to see what happened by increasing my food intake. Someone told me to just try, and if I didn’t feel better, if I wasn’t comfortable, I could stop eating and go back to the way things were. Honestly, I wasn’t productive, and my life was going nowhere very fast. I didn’t like being miserable and tired and cold all the time. When I realized I didn’t like living that way, which was only about a month ago, I started eating. It still scares me, but I’m happy. Yesterday, I was smiling and giggly for no good reason, and I loved it. Whenever I start to freak out about eating now, I try to remember instances in which I was happy and healthy, and how depressed I was when I was unhealthy. It’s a little piece of what works for me…I hope it helps you, too, even just a little bit. Stay strong, and I wish you the best of luck. I hope you find happiness and health.

• 184 El // Feb 4, 2010 at 2:53 pm

  Thank you very much for replying back to me, Jordy, It makes me feel good to know that someone out there understands how I feel. Sometimes it feels like its me against the world and I’m always fighting back. I honestly don’t think I need to gain more weight, I’m absolutely terrfied that THEY (my doctors and therapists) want me to get up to 115 lbs. That’s absoutely crazy and I know I can’t do it. I won’t. I’m trying to get better but I think its mostly because everyone else is forcing me to. It’s not like I can go back to starving myself with so many people watching me all the time. I just feel so hopeless somtimes. It’s great that I’m not so tired or cold all the time but it’s also scary to actually have my appetite back. I feel guilty if my stomach growls, I feel so angry at myself. I just cant seem to see that way othes see me. What can I do?
  El´s last blog ..a song for anorexia

• 185 Melissa // Feb 5, 2010 at 1:30 am

  Aliza- You deserve to get better!!!!!!!!!! you have worked so hard, so hard gighting this stupid disorder! Anorexia is talking when you think the weather is a sign, its NOT a sign. Weather is unpredictable and uncontrollable. The disorder doesn’t want to let you go, so its LYING to you. Tellling you that you don’t deserve to see a counselor and get better. It wants to stay in your head forever!!!!!!!!! Forever is a LOOOOONG time. Do you want to have anorexia forever, never get better, never knbow what happiness is???? The sound of silence in your head??? Being yourself and discovering the REAL you are the best feelings ever. Ana wants you to suffer, so it will lie to you to keep you miserable. It is your job to recognize the lying voice and tell it to SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!! You want to really smile, laugh with all your heart, be with friends and not thinking of food and calories, to just be NORMAL. Thats possible, I found it after 5 years. 5 years of misery and pain and wanting to die. There were times where I held the razor in my hand juyst tracing the vain up and down my wrist wondering if life is really wortrh the PAIN of recovery. Well you know what, IT IS., There’s so much more to life, so much more. Keep pushing through these rough patches hun, life can only get more enjoyable. YOU CAN DO IT!

  El- Do ont, and I mean DO NOT focus on numbers! The numbers are scary, very high and very scary. Focus on happiness. On feeling a weight lift off your shoulders and gaining the love of life back! Do you want to only feel sadness and pain and misery? Nobody does, we all are wonderful girls who are loving, generous, intelligent, talented, and so much more. You deserve to live a life free of an eating disorder. Before the doctors say numbers ask them upfronbt not too, say you feel unprepared at this time to gear numbers but want to get better and be happy. They will listen, mine did. It’s all about YOU, recovery is all about YOU and what YOU want. If your stomach growls, try a small snack or meal. How about yogurt or cream cheese or a handful of trail mix? I say thhose because they have protein, which makes you feel less hungry for a longer period of time than water based foods, are very good for you, and do not make you feel too full or bloated just content or ok. Seriously, its soooooooo hard to eat sometimes. Emotions have tight controls over us, and so does stress. But you have to remind yourself you are HUMAN and humans need nutrients and energy in their body to live. You deserve to live, so keep on fighting for your friends, family, and most importantly yourself!

• 186 Cara // Feb 15, 2010 at 8:17 pm

  awake at 3am worrying about the yogurt i just ate.
  I have gained 3lbs everyones really happy.
  I like it when people are happy and not worried.

  I hate anorexia, I’ve had it for 10 years and only just realised in these last few months how bad it is.
  facing this demon is harder than I thought. No wonder my boyfriend had enough.

  I don’t know why I’m posting this – I’m finding it hard 2day

• 187 Jessy-Australia // Mar 6, 2010 at 12:46 am

  Ive suffered from Anorexia for the past 12 months and have just in the last 2 weeks given up the denial and acknowledged that i have a problem that I am unable to fix myself. For 12 months i have been supplied will all kinds of support, doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, naturopaths (you name it) but the entire time i wasnt really using the support or wanting it. 2 weeks ago it felt like a switch flicked and i could see just for a brief moment what everyone else was seeing. i looked in the mirror and saw a very sick girl, it felt like i had been blind folded the entire time. Ever since my realization ive been extremely stressed, and experiencing severe anxiety/panick attacks where i get so worked up my body is covered with sweat, my heart races, my hands shake and i start hallucinating that the world is spinning and pushing down on my chest. ive started seeing a professor and a nutritionist at an eating disorder clinic in Bondi (Australia) and so far they have been amazing. I didnt know how difficult the recovery process would be and im feeling like im not strong enough to beat it. like alot of others in this thread ive started ‘pretend bingeing’ late at night when everyone is in bed. I get together a whole range of really unhealthy foods, cake, chocolate, cereal etc and i pretend to binge – meaning i fill my mouth with the foods and chew but spit it out before i swallow. this usually lasts all night, ill pack all of the chewed foods up at about 4am, purge the soft drink i have drunk because i feel that even though i didnt swallow the food some may have gotten down to my stomach. This is a new process for me, its costing a lot, sometimes i even steal my parents card to buy the food and i hide bags and bags of chewed food in my room until i can throw them out without my parents noticing. I cant eat during the day, i dont ever feel hungry and ideas of eating during the day leave me borderline suicidal. I would really love any tips anyone has for getting out of this late night binge/purge routine if they have gone through something similar because right now the chance to binge at night seems to be all i look forward to. i stop myself from eating during the day because i want to save myself for my night time binge.

  Another thing im worried about is that ever since i acknowledged my problem and got the motivation to get the help i feel as though the anorexic inside of me is fighting back. almost like the more i try to pull away the more it digs its heels in. i can see that im making more rules around eating, stricter rules, more severe consequences for slip ups and even some of my old rules and habits are starting to creep back into my mind. things like laxative use, nurofen plus (i took about 16 capsules everyday for almost 8 months because they would suppress my appetite and blur my mind up so that i was able to go out in public and face people. also so i could enjoy a couple of hours of stillness in my head – im sure everyone here knows that being anorexic means having your brain scream at you ever second of every day, even in your dreams)

  Im not really sure what questions to ask i just know that im feeling really lost at the moment. this battle is much harder than i had anticipated and i truly feel that i cant do it. i dont feel strong enough. it feels like all ive had for the last 12 months is this eating disorder, its consumed me and if someone takes it away im afraid ill have nothing.

  If anyone has any stories of their own that they can offer or if anyone has experienced something similar id love your input. i need to know that im not the only one, that im not just some crazy person and that like other before me, i will win this never ending battle.

  Thankyou so much for this thread of comments, it really does offer so much to people who really need and deserve this kind of support.

  xoxo

• 188 Nature // Mar 6, 2010 at 3:39 pm

  Hey Jessy,

  It’s been a long while since I checked back on this page, but I just want to give you a big hug and let you know that you are not alone!!!

  Lots of girls (and guys although we don’t see too many pop on by here) have gone through what you have. We have been at the same pages where you have been. We’re all like a big family here, and you are VERY welcome to go check the pages on the top, Anorexia Talk (whether it be one, two, or three) group to go communicate with lots of other girls there who have been through what you have been through.

  I have work soon so I cannot write a long response, but I hope you do check the other pages out! The people there are really amazing, .

• 189 Beth // Mar 22, 2010 at 4:58 pm

  Congrats to all who are considering or in the midst of recovery–you have my sincere respect and best wishes, because this is one of the hardest things any of us will overcome.
  I am in recovery from a relapse, and one thing that I have done is limit my time with people who trigger my eating disorder behaviors. I had a friend who did not understand the serious of the disease, and saw behavior such as forcing yourself to throw up after drinking alcohol as normal. I continually found that after spending time with him, I was returning to my ED behaviors. So I decided to spend less time with him. Every time I sit down to eat, I picture my healthiest friends and family members in my mind, and think about how I want to follow their example. If I slip up, I always try to imagine how they would feel if they knew what I was doing to myself. It doesn’t always work completely, but it does help keep me on track.

• 190 Chris // Mar 28, 2010 at 3:41 pm

  Hi my name is Chris and I am 21 years old and I have battled anorexia since I was 11 years old. One of the biggest problems was that I developed at the age of 9, so I was bigger and gaining weight in different places then all my friends. I’m only 5 foot 2, been that height for what feels like forever, anyways I will try to make this short. when I was little my mom used to say stuff like “I can hear you chew from across the table”. So that made me self continuous about eating in public, being “larger” then my friends in high school at a weight of 150 lbs and I used to work out every single night, skip breakfast and lunch, I would eat dinner because I didn’t want my family to know. I discovered that the only way for me to lose weight was to just not eat and it worked I felt great! Fortunately I had great friends that noticed my significant weight loss and confronted me about my problem (My family didn’t really notice…till now how thin I was) My problem right now is that my BF knows about my problem and is amazingly supportive and I have gained so much weight over the past four years and I’m so scared about re-lapsing and yet at the same time I welcome it because all I hear from my mom is how big I am and why don’t you just do what you did in High school when you were so thin and I want to tell her what it is but I’m so scared of her reaction. I’m 180 lbs now I work out, I eat right but I can not get rid of the weight. I really just need someone who understands what I’m going through!

• 191 csmilie123 // Mar 29, 2010 at 10:44 am

  I was anorectic for 25 years but have now been normal weight for 10 years. (I am 50 years old now and it has been a long struggle). What I wast to say was it took quite some time a good few years in fact for the food obsession to pass even though I was normal weight but very slowly it does improve and it gets easier as time goes on so don’t give up because my life now is so much better.

• 192 aliyah // Mar 29, 2010 at 12:43 pm

  chris- hi , im aliyah. congrats on recovery and getting to a healthy weight . Im sure along the way you have realised that food isnt needed to alleviate stress and feelings and negativity because controlling food doesnt solve anything. anytime u are in stressfilled situations , feeling like you might trigger count to ten and try to alleviate it in other ways- writing, phoninh ur bf of whatever.
  restricting food is only going to make u feel worse, and im at a healthy weight and im happy, but i know how u feel and it can be scary.
  just stay strong, and all will be well, you have come really well. dont give into the voice!

• 193 Ebony // Apr 3, 2010 at 4:52 pm

  heeey,
  im 16 years old and have recently over the past year lost 17 kilos. I walk 3 times a week for an hour and eat extremely healthy, i was always the bigger built girl before this ive gone from 67kg to now 50kg, i am proud that ive been able to do it but now i am obsessed with food and its taking over my social life, i wish i never lost weight in the first place sometimes just so i could be happy and eat whatever i wannt whenever i want.I am becoming anorexic obsessed with food always freaking out after i eat, like i binge out on so many sultanas is that bad ? i want to put a little bit of weight on but im scared of weight gain and that if i start eating more the weight gain wont stop ? can i eat normal foods like i used to or will i gain all my weight back? what do i do ?

• 194 Melissa // Apr 4, 2010 at 1:20 am

  Hi ebony
  First of all WELCOME! I am so glad you found this site before your health really suffers. Anorexia usually does start off as a diet, a person loses weight and feels great so they keep onloosing weight hoping to feel even better. But then the obsession starts, food and weight and calories and exercise dominate your thoughts, is that where you are now?
  It sounds like a nutrition plan would be really helpful for you. You would know how much calories you need and what foods are the best choice to meet your specific needs. If you treat yourself with the foods you enjoy, but portion control them or only have them once a week, you will not gain weight.
  From your post you sound very healthy, and not too far into anorexia yet. Talk to a doctor, so you can find out your body’s healthy or ideal weight range. That might help you feel more at ease. Remember you are not overweight and did the right thing by coming to this site and seeking hlep now before the anorexic thoughts consume your life.
  Good luck and remember everyone on this site will be here whenever you need to vent or advice.
  PS sorry for any typos it is 1:20 am in California

• 195 aliyah // Apr 4, 2010 at 2:59 am

  ebony- hi im aliyah, i know exactly how you feel, i have the exaxt same thoughts as you when i was at that stage. I had anorexia and bulimia for years and recovery is honestly the best path, your regaining back your life and not putting urself at risk!
  you need to take it one step at a time, i dont know how much ur eating, but start to eat a bit more every 4 hours at least, by not eating u slow down urmetabolism. And there is going to be a lot of resistance, and negative feelinsg but u need to push past it, and not let it control u . Also your only REgaining back weight u lost, and you wont get fat because ur body has a set point which it works best at, and you need to let ur body get there.
  Also the less u eat, the more obsessive u become, because a starved mind obsesses, its a biological fact, so belive it or not the more u eat the better and in time the negative thoughts will start to go away.
  Challenge ur thoughts, and if u have someone u can tell and talk to i would.
  wud u go to a doctor?

  make a little meal plan, of breakfast, lunch and dinner and two snacks and tick it off each day , r egular eating is really important.
  good luck x

• 196 Ebony // Apr 5, 2010 at 11:46 pm

  these comments really help guys
  the thoughts of food are really ruining me though im not hungry but the thoughts just amke me want to eat, its just been easter and ive eaten so badly like pigged out on chocolate and usually i just eat healthy food, is this going to make me put on weight ? because for the last week ive pigged out on so much chocolate and big meals ? i want to gain a little bit of weight but what do i do once ive reached the weight i want to be ? and how much junk food can you eat with getting fat ?
  im just scared im going to gain every bit of weight i lost in the first place

• 197 Cheryl // Apr 8, 2010 at 4:04 am

  hi everyone
  im only 14 and im not anorexic and have never had an eating disorder but lately ive been obsessing about my body a lot and i really dont want to become anorexic. I know im perfectly healthy and fit and im in the healthy weight range for my height and age, but i really dont want to develop an eating disorder because i know it will ruin my life. Im not fat, and im not even chubby, and i feel like im pretty and have great friends and family, and im doing good in school. I dont want to lose any weight and i dont want to get any thinner, and i dont want to get sick. I just feel like i need a place to anonomously write down how i feel, so that i wont develop an eating disorder.
  Cheryl

• 198 Sofie // Apr 28, 2010 at 6:17 am

  Hey all!
  I’ve been reading these comments and doing research for a while now and decided to finally ask for advice. I’m 17, have always been chubby (70-75kgs) and my weight has always cause stress for me. Though i am quite tall (174cm – about 5′ 8.5″) i have always felt pressure to lose weight. I have been suffering from depression for about 5 years (this is due to seperate issues, not stress about weight) and recently started getting help for that. My depression worsened quite significantly about half a year ago and i lost a few kilo’s and i decided to lose more weight. I lost about 1o kilo’s in two month’s through a horrible diet and nightly purges. Losing the weight felt great and i felt really in control but i decided to stop because i didn’t particularly want anyone to notice and i didn’t want to fall into an unhealthy BMI range (my current BMI is about 20). This has been almost impossible. No matter how many times i tell myself that I DO NOT WANT TO LOSE MORE WEIGHT, every bite i eat seems to be a struggle. I can’t eat anything without counting the calories and hating myself for eating them. This hasn’t been great for my depression because it lowers my self-esteem significantly…
  My query is this, do i have a problem? I am well within the healthy weight range but do not have my period, am still losing weight and am now losing a significant amount of hair. I have cut down on the purging and because my parents don’t know that i am restricting my diet (i come from a typically european family where food is a MUST) i have definately been eating more than i was.
  Ebony – I can relate to your story in the way that i feel like if i start eating i’ll gain all the weight back. And the pigging out on chocolate? I did that recently… Felt pretty bad after that.
  Cheryl – I don’t have a lot of experience with eating disorders (I don’t even know if i have one) but if you’re scared of developing one then i would definately say that you’re probably thinking about food and weight in the wrong way. All i can advise you to do is to remember that you are in the healthy range and that whatever society may tell you, you’re perfectly healthy. I can also assure you that bad food habits are hard to get out of so just don’t get into the habit, enjoy food.
  Good luck to everyone struggling!
  Sofie

• 199 Ebony // Apr 29, 2010 at 3:23 am

  heeey, sofie we relate totally the same, i know exactly what your going through im slowly getting better, i just need someone to talk too.
  i also cant stop bingeing, which is making me depressed, i just wanna go back to not having a care about food at all.
  if you have an email we could help eachother or talk about it if you would like.

• 200 Sofie // Apr 29, 2010 at 4:24 am

  Hey Ebony,
  My email is Joricko1234@hotmail.com , would love someone to talk to

• 201 Belinda // Apr 30, 2010 at 4:55 am

  Hi All, Stumbled across this site the other day while looking at other Helpful E.D sites.
  My name is Belinda and i’m 26 from Australia.
  I First was Diagnosed with Anorexia when i was 17, i somehow got my self sorted by my self but thn 2 years later started to relaps. before i got really dragged back into the terror of annorexia i fell preganat with my daughter, it saved my life… my annorexia seemed to just dissapear!! i never really gave it a thought, i was the healthiest i had been in a long time, i then fell pregnant again but this time the annorexia started to creep back in… by the time my son had turned one it was starting to control my life again.. by the time he was 2 i had been in hospital twice and had to be admitted into an in-patient facility for 5 months!!
  i have been home now for almost 6 months now and although i have a more positive outlook on recovery it’s like there is a wall i just can not get over. I decide i will try and gain a bit more weight, i gain a bit freak out and then loose it again. I do eat ok now, but my problem is, is that my motabolizim goes crazy when i start eating regular healthy meals. When i had to stay in the clinic they thought i was doing things to not gain weight… but i wasn’t. In order for me to gain weight i have to eat an obcene amount of food!! My husband was in total shock over the amount of food was on my meal plan to get me to gain such a tiny tiny amount. I eventually gained some weight and am alot happier, i need to gain more but i just can’t seem to do it. I look at my beautiful kids and get angry at myself and think ” what does it matter if i am thin or fat?? my kids are important … not how many kj’s or cal are in an apple or a piece of bread” I dont want to set a bad example for my daughter. I have had lots of therapy but nothing seems to trigger what is still holding me back. Why cant i move past my “magic number” ?
  I understand those of you having trouble with the Binge issues. I have been throught this and also started bulemic practises because of my junk food binges… My advice for this ( from my dietician) If you are eating enough “healthy food” from all food groups you will not binge eat. I have found this true for my self. It took a long time for me to let my self believe this and follow a plan and make sure i had a sandwhich etc for lunch… ( i had an intense fear of bread) a diet that consists of 3 meals and 3 snacks is alot better than a binge on chocolate biscuits ice cream etc etc. I had got to a point that i would not allow anything in my pantry that i thought i would binge on, with 2 kids that is rather horrible… it ment my cuboards were rather bare! ( hard to make school lunches) I now have cuboards full of food… i eat my 3 meals and 3 snacks,.. it is still a struggle… i go through waves of looking forward to my next meal because i’m starting to enjoy food, to fear and anxiety of my next meal because i dont want it to make me fat… and fear of skipping meals and being back in hospital away from my family.
  I understand the “set point theory” But it scares me, i’m scared to find out what my set point is.
  I’d love to stay where i am at, but my doctors tell me i wont get rid of my annorexic thoughts untill i am within the healthy weight range.
  It’s just so unbelievably hard!
  Sorry i have typed so much and it’s all over the place… i could type and type for days about my story… just typing all thay i keep thinking.
  Wishing you all the best in your battles and your road to recovery
  Thanx for all your posts they have been helpful and make me feel not so alone in my illness

• 202 Belinda // Apr 30, 2010 at 4:07 pm

  sorry did i post in the wrong section?

• 203 Caloric // May 10, 2010 at 7:51 am

  hi, im helping my friend overcome her anorexia nervosa.
  Hers is a mild case, slightly underweight but is a super calory counter.
  Any suggestion where I should start?
  Please advice.

  Regards
  Caloric´s last blog ..1st Post: 100510

• 204 aliyah // May 10, 2010 at 1:32 pm

  hey caloric i suggest that you try to encourage her to eat reguarly, so suggest things like why dont we go out for dinner today or try this new chcolate bar thats out.
  Aat the heart of anorexia lies a phobia of gaining weight, and an obsession with food, so i suggest nice compliments to boost her confidence, and hionestly just be there for any form of advice and support.
  ur a lovely friend for doing this for her x

• 205 pinker // May 10, 2010 at 2:18 pm

  hi everyone, i just wanted to say something to Sofie. im recovering from anorexia and i recognise pretty much everything you say about your thoughts on food and weight as what I was thinking at the beginning. I know you’re not a dangerously low weight at the moment but I really think you should try and get help as soon as possible because from what you say it sounds like you’re on a downward spiral and it gets out of control so quickly. You won’t put on weight until you eat 2500 calories EVERY day (trust me its a LOT harder than you think), in fact you’ll just keep on losing weight. and I know that you probably won’t trust me when I say that because i didnt trust the professionals saying it to me but unfortunately its true and you will just keep on losing weight otherwise. and the more weight you lose the more your brain will make you obsess over it…sorry this sounds like a story of doom I just wanted to make the point. if you’re seeing someone about your depression maybe you can talk to them? but don’t be put off if they don’t understand, there are specialists for a reason. anyway, i hope I havent scared you i just think you should try and do something about it now x x x

• 206 Ebony // May 11, 2010 at 3:51 am

  heeey girlies, ive been trying to recover myself cause we just dont have the money for therapy or anything like that, im not horribly skinny i could do with an extra 4 kilos or so and i eat 3 meals and snacks a day i also exercise and play soccer, but im on the verge of anorexia nervosa i obsess over food and have a fear of gaining weight, can anyone help me out with a right food and exercise plan and what amounts are right to eat ? i just wanna be happy again like at school i used to be call GB for ghettobooty cause everybody loved my butt hahaha i miss my butt and boobs i wasnt fat i was just built i guess but i let the exercise and less amounts of food get to me and i lost 17kgs but i weigh 49kg now but im not dagerously skinny but i fear if i eat i will put all my weight back on ? i hate being like this i love kim kardashians and beyonces body i think they are gorgeous and are perfect body image girls what real women should look like im just scared ill put all my weight back on because everyody seems to say no one ever keeps the weight off they pile it back on and even more and the obsession of food and gaining weight is driving me insane can anyone help me ? i aslo binge out like a lunatic on sultanas im obsessed once i start i cant stop is this bad to eat all the time ?

• 207 aliyah // May 11, 2010 at 3:58 am

  hi ebony, the problem with eating disorders is that they are so complex and obsessions lie at the heart of it.
  Its good urnot too underweight and that you admire bodies such as beyonce. obsession gets worse as u lose weight, thats why anorexia is such a destructive diseases, the more u lose the more u obsess and the more u keep losing.
  The best thing is to REgain whatever u lost, u wont keep gaining and gaining, thats the most common worry and its false because ur body has a set point it works best at, and when u get to it, and listen to ur hunger cues ull just maintain ur weight.
  for bingeing, try to put a few with you, so say u binge and have 12 usually, put 4 with you, and just eat them and then tel yourself thats it, if i feel like another i can have it later.
  the sultanans are always going to be there. but i can relate it is hard, and it reqires will power. I used to have to eat a whole bunch of grapes, i cud never eat a handful or whatever, and now i can. its possible x

• 208 Ebony // May 11, 2010 at 4:07 am

  when you say a set body weight does that mean you eat whatever you want whenever you want or ? thank you for the advice its helps i just wanna go back to normal i miss going out with myfriends and eating what they eat its just so hard

• 209 Ebony // May 11, 2010 at 4:08 am

  i also cut out carbs, what will happen if i re add them ?

• 210 aliyah // May 11, 2010 at 4:24 am

  a set point is a healthy weight for ur body, where u eat a similar amount of food every day. It doesnt mean u can eat whatever u want , whenever and never gain weight, it just means thats a body where u dont feel severe obsessions, and a weight that stays similar by eating similar amounts of food. It means somedays u mite eat lesss, some days more but if u listen to ur hunger signals u will be fine
  Nothing will happen by adding carbs except good things! U will have more energy, and more varied diet and good nutrition. never cut out carbs, no wonder u have obsessions ebony. Cutting out food is really serious, but u can get back to a stage where u can go out and enjoy food with friends x

• 211 Sofie // May 19, 2010 at 11:14 pm

  Hey!
  Pinker, thanks for your message. Though i was unwilling to admit it when you first posted, I now think that i am a little on a downward spiral. I did mention it to my psychologist who was seriously worried but didn’t quite understand…
  I tried eating a little more for a while and ended up binging and probably eating about 1700 – 2000 calories a day but freaked out when i felt that i was gaining weight so restricted quite badly for about 3 weeks. I lost weight quite rapidly but kind of freaked out after the weekend because i felt seriously dizzy and sick after going running. I’m eating again (a little) at the moment but have a few questions.
  Is it true that you can become infertile through restriction?
  How do i deal with my parents? (they found me purging the other day) So far they have been trying to force me to eat but my stomach cramps up and i can’t actually physically eat what they’re trying to make me eat.
  I’m absolutely terrified of not being in control of how much weight i could gain if i start eating again because my parents refuse to have any weighing scales in the house…
  Hope everyone is doing well!
  x

• 212 contactlenzen info // May 26, 2010 at 9:08 am

  Good artice, keep up the good work.

leave a comment

name

mail

website

notify me of followup comments via e-mail