anorexia talk – for people recovering from anorexia

This is a special new area for people who want to have a small, intimate place to discuss anorexia. It was born via the rather long comment section in an article here on this site about 10 activities that help with recovering from anorexia. I know there are other sites out there who are very good at helping people with anorexia talk to each other; Somethingfishy is the best example. I certainly don’t want to take away from sites like this; they’ve proven invaluable for people who are trying to overcome anorexia.

However, for those of you who want to stay here, I’d like to provide this space where you can talk.

Please be aware that this area is visible to anyone who cares to visit; if privacy is important to you, please use an alias.

This is a place of support and respect, a place for sharing your journey in recovering from anorexia. I will remove any comment that is disrespectful or unsupportive (and, of course, any and all spam).

So … go to it! And if you want to follow the conversation, please don’t forget to make sure you’re subscribing to the comments.

(Btw, if you’re interested to hear what has been written on this blog on anorexia so far, here is the list.)

Here are a few things you may want to start out with:

  • Do you get enough support from people around you?
  • How do you deal with the roller coaster of recovering from anorexia?
  • Have you found a food plan that works for you?
  • How do you feel with the feeling of self-loathing that sometimes come up?
  • Do you have tips for finding (and staying with) the right therapist?
  • How long have you been in recovery?
  • What do you do when you can’t stop thinking about the food/weight?

PLEASE NOTE:

Due to the great success of this page, I have now created a new page on this site, to make the large comment/talk section a bit easier to manage. Please continue your discussion here.

(And another note: Any message on this page that seems even remotely like spam will be deleted. This is NOT a place to advertise.)

2,780 thoughts on “anorexia talk – for people recovering from anorexia

  1. Neko

    Hi everyone!

    Kayla- glad to hear you had a good day:)

    Red Headed Step child- I understand your frustration but I wish I had never tried throwing up…I thought it was my only option when I was being less restrictive with food. I hate feeling so full sometimes. Purging made my teeth sensitive, made me super dehydrated, and made my throat hurt. After doing it more often, it was really hard to stop and I still stuggle with this impluse. I ended up feeling worse instead of better. it’s another trick of ED…please don’t give in.

  2. El

    Hey guys, sorry i havent been checking in for a while now, im really busy with school and a bunch of stupid drama -sigh-

    im fighting with my best friend right now, we’ve been friends snce like 4th grade and we’ve never had a major fight before, why now at 11th grade are we fighting?
    She’s been kinda ignoring me a making commetns and being really mean, so im doing it back. I don’t like that she’s hanging out with this annoying freshman and she’s totallly dumping our group. she called me the other day to say sorry and that we’re too much alike.

    I think she’s upset that im happier and more outgoing , i don’t think she cn deal with being second best, im getting more attention than her from everyone and so she’s looking for new groups of people, (freshman, who will o course idolize a junior) and i think its pathetic.

    She’s my best friend thogh and i don’t want to lose her but she’s really getting on my nerves, its hard to be around her. Like the other day i went to confront her becuase i want to make it better and i basically told her she’s hurting me and beng really bitchy and she just smirked at me and said, “you’re a bitch, just go home” it hurt

    I knew i couldn’t be alone with feelings like that so i went over to my friends house and a few close friends came over and told me how much o a bitch she’s being and i felt kinda better.

    Also, i think she’s jeaoulous of me, not only for the attention but becuase she’s gained like 12 pounds and I, still recovering from anorexia, haven’t regained any weight, in fact i’ve lost like 2 pounds (oops) so im like 5’5 and 93 lbs and she;s like 5’2 and 112. She hates me for that i think, since she was anorexc when she was in 5th grade. She’s being really bitchy and im wondering if i should just stop trying with her, its like she doesn’t want me to be happy.

    What should i do?

  3. aliyah

    el- it can be hard to say exactly what to do. i think your best bet is just to say, to her listen i love you for how u are and what u are, its nothing to do with weight. lets not let this ocme between us, and let it bring us closer.
    then maybe try to eat a bit more with her, cause u shouldnt be losing any weight and show her u are serious about getting recovered x

  4. Kate

    Hey everyone,
    i just happened to stumble across this website and all I can say is WOW! I’ve been anorexic for about 2 years now and I have lost count of how many times that I’ve made an attempt to recover. I’ve also been trying to find some website where I can relate to others and confide in each other because we are all going through the same thing. Just a week ago, I’ve decided to make another attempt at recovery. This time I want it to be the last one. Does anyone have any more suggestions on how to beat this???

  5. aliyah

    hey kate! well done for trying to recvover, trust me if you want to, YOU WILL. recovery isnt a straight easy path it has lots of ups and downs, but get past it all, REgain back the weight you lost, by eating regularly, 3 set meals a day with snacks. dont exercise, dont eat alone, and write down a list of all the risks of anorexia- inferility, loss of teeth enamel, stomach ulcers, kidney problems, feeling cold, brittle hair, hair growth on the body, feeling faint, heart problems…. and potential death. Each time u feel bad, look at the loist, and remind urself what u can escape from.
    i had anorexia and bulimia for years and years, and i recovered, im at a hea;lthy weight with a period now. its not nice to look skeltal, the media potrays a horriblew image, aim to be feminine and healthy 🙂

  6. aliza

    kate, ive been struggling with so many things and anorexia has been one of them.
    a few of the things that has helped me throughout this is to confide in someone(not the bitch im going to describe below). find someone who knows what youre feeling, and someone you can just rant to. someone you can turn to when you feel weak.
    get a meal plan. make sure you have 3 meals a day and try and squeeze in some caloric snacks if its not too overwhelming. try and do it on a schedule because if you dont, than youll be left with a pile of food at the end of the day that you have to eat. it will be easier and lead you to healthier lifestyles later on once you beat this.
    choose healthy foods. recognize your boundaries and figure out what foods your comftorble with and what ones make you scared.once youve established this, try and write down all the foods that scare you and try and cross them off one by one.
    find something that helps you feel calm. whenever i felt as if i was fat, or as if i wanted to throw up, i would talk to a friend( 🙁 ) listen to music or write. now that i am over a healthy weight, one of the things i can do is run, which really helps me feel better about myself in a positive manor. DONOT turn to things that are abviously unhealthy, like drugs or alcohol, hookups, or that type of thing. these will just add to your problems and put you back a step.
    when your having a really bad day, dont stop eating. just keep going. slip little things into your daily schedule if youre feeling overwhelmed and just take it slow. maybe distract yourself while you eat. i used to listen to music throughout my meals.
    another thing is self-image building. you can find websites to help you with this if you google ‘self image strengthening excersises” it helps alot. never tell yourself that your fat. you dont have to say your beautiful right away, or anything like that. just dont say ‘im fat, flabby,lazy, gross’ its not good. just try and cut out the negative, and soon youll build up positive.
    and finally, you have to keep faith. find organisations, find anything that will get you the will to continue. find other struggling. find faith in your family and friends and they will give you the strength to recover. find it within yourself and the hope will come. find faith in god, or what ever religion you have(you can ignore that bit if youd like) just belivee that recovery is possible and it will come to you.
    i find faith in this organization:
    http://www.twloha.com
    its amazing, check it out,
    <3
    aliza

  7. aliza

    so…the one person who i 100% trusted. the person who i turned to when i wanted to kill myself. the person i talked to when i wanted to cut or throw up…has abandoned me. she is gone. she isnt coming back.
    she is the one who showed me the light path when it was dark is now gone. when she wouldnt give up on my urges to give up..and now is gone..am i supposed to give up again? go back to my old ways?
    fuck:(
    cross off another person who has dissapointed me.
    another who has left me when i couldnt deal…another who just couldnt take me anymore.
    i didnt think i was this bad:(

  8. Kate

    Hey girls!
    Thanks so much for all your help and advice. Finally I’ve found other people who know what I’m going through. Recovery at the moment is going very well. It actually seems like it’s moving way too fast for me at times but that’s okay. As long as I’m getting better, that’s all that counts.
    I’m 5 foot 5 and at my lowest weight I was 80 pounds or so. As I said before, I’ve made several attempts at recovery and over those time frames, I’ve slowly gained some weight back but not to the stage of a complete healthy weight. I do have a goal weight in mind and I hope I can reach it.
    I’m eating better too and slowly I am crossing things off of my “forbidden” foods list. I actually ate a piece of chocolate which was the first piece that I’ve had in over 2 years. And the amazing thing was, that I wasn’t overwhelmed by the negative feelings that usually invade my mind after I eat such foods. I was so happy and it gave me hope. Hope that I MUST be recovering and the more that I ignore those negative thoughts, the easier it is to try new things and break free of the disorderd thinking. I’ve also gained some more weight which scares me but at the same time, I’m getting more and more excited because soon I’ll be able to wear nice clothes, feel beautiful (not skeletal :S) and finally partake in sports again. I absolutely love sports and exercising (weight training in particular and running ). Mainly just because I love the feeling of happiness and peace I feel after such a work out.
    Do you guys think I would be able to start some moderate weight training if I continue to eat and recover? I mainly want to do it so that the rest of the weight that I do gain, turns to muscle and not fat.

  9. aliza

    kate, thats amazing! thats such a big step. i also just ate beef the first time in 16 months. i found it disgusting:P aha! i actually got sick from it…i have a weak stomach from ana and i wasnt a big meat eater before…so i guess it just didnt agree with me.
    i do think you can start weight training!! i dont suggest you do enough that you burn calories to lose weight, because that will totally defeat the purpose of weight training. you may have to eat a bit extra, and if your not ready for that, i suggest you wait a while. maybe just start with a little bit, and grow as your meals also grow.
    running would burn alot of calories. i just burned 400 calories running and im goin to bball now:)
    ps, im a healthy weight so dont worry. actualy a beautiful 140 pounds and it suits me beautifuly:)
    good luck gurrrlllss<3
    bball now. comment more later!
    <3 u

  10. aliyah

    kate- i think for now your est just to stick to not exercising, and firstly getting into a healthier midnset. the last thing you want to do is become obsessed with exercise. dont focus on the fat, you need to have some, its not all bad. girls need a certain amount, otherwise they cant have babies! so its biologically natural.

    aliza- hope your doing ok. always smile, rememver why ur in recovery. dont exercise too much, and im glad ur at a healthy weight. i got my period back recently, so happy 🙂

  11. Kate

    Hey ladies,
    so I have really increased my food intake over the past few days and not feeling at all bad about it! 🙂 The only problem I have right now is that it defintely looks like I have a pregnant belly and I don’t like it at all.
    Aliza- that’s awesome on eating beef. I’m discovering more and more that when I try foods that I have set limits on, they don’t taste as good as I thought they would after restriciting myself of them for so long. It’s actually rather disappointing LOL
    Aliyah- you’re right and I do have to keep reminding myself that I must not get obsessed with exercising but I just want to play sports again! Especially since I have loads more energy and strength.
    Friday I have my weigh in so I get to see if all of my hard work is paying off. I hope so!! And hopefully this darn “baby bump” will go down. haha
    lots of love and thanks for everything!
    <3

  12. Neko

    Hi everyone,
    It’s been a little while-been busy with classes and work and prepping stuff for portfolio review to graduate and…and the list goes on. I am trying to keep the stress in check (which isn’t working to well) because it still really affects my eating and tend to purge when I’m stressed:(-sigh. I do hope I can function “normally” one day.

    Aliza- be strong and keep up the good fight…easier said then done sometiems but I hope you’re hangin’ in there. On the note about beef…has anyone/did anyone go vegetarian or vegan due to ED? Just wondering. I did…and I still eat vegetarian. I usually wind up lying to people (NOT something I like to do by the way) about why I eat vegetarian because the original reason is not so pretty.
    Aliyah-Thanks for the reminder about why women are the way we are…lol it is natural:). Sometimes being female still makes me cranky though and I find myself jealous of men who can biologically carry less fat and be fine.
    Kate- Congrats on the chocolate:)
    <3 have a great week!

  13. Rose

    Sorry i haven’t been on here in ages! Lots of new people and it’s so nice to see others getting help. I’d just firstly like to say well done to everyone for trying, it seems a lot of people are doing well <3

    I just want to let stuff off my chest, I guess.
    I feel like shit. I put on a happy face, and act all happy, and inside i'm unhappy as fuck. I've lost all motivation with life, I just don't care anymore. I tried so hard to get rid of this eating disorder, and i'm still trying. I feel like i'm fighting a losing battle. I''m not gonna be a drama queen like "oh no one understands me :(:(:(:(", but I feel so alone with it. Day to day comments like 'oh I love your figure' screws me up, because I know that there's still more weight to put on. Day to day comments like 'oh i'm getting fat' from someone who doesn't have an eating disorder screws me up, because they don't know what i'm going through. Nor should they know, i don't blame them at all. My best friend is supposed to be understanding, but half the time she'll tell me "that's not enough for dinner" and she'll have an apple or something. I feel so disconnected from everyone, including my family. My sister won't talk to us anymore, and I haven't done anything, it's because she's had an argument with my mam. I was so close to my sister, and now, nothing. I can't even see my nephews. My mam never ever makes an effort, I haven't been to hers for around 3 months. She never rings or texts or pops in to see me at home, it's always me.
    On top of that stuff, I was at a party not long ago, and one of my "friends" decided to start being cocky, and try stuff on with me. To cut a long story short, he was so extreme that I ended up with scratches on me for trying to get away from him, and he got thrown out. It's really messed my head up.

    Sorry for ranting, just needed to get that out <3

  14. aliza

    rose!!!
    im so sorry, i commented weeks ago and came back on and realised that my comment wasnt posted.
    i understand you. never feel alone, or like your feelings are isolated, because there are thousands out there feeling the same. i feel like i have to hide my feelings all the time. i feel like shit day in and day out, and apparently acting happy when youre sad is supposed to make you happy, so ive been doing it for months. just keep it up, do things that you enjoy. go to movies with your friends, go for walks to think instead of thinking about all of this shit when youre isolated. it actually helps, and its so much healthier.

    i understand about the whole friends pressure and them eating an apple. but think of it this way…are they suffering from this? think of the difference in the situation. they might only eat an apple, but they may be a)not hungary, b)overweight c) not suffering from an eating disorder. theyre lifestyle is so different, and the last thing you need to do is compaire yourselves to people wheither it be your weight, issues, meals, whatever. you need to set your own standards, not go by someone elses standards.

    as for the guy, if you feel violated you need to contact the police. if youre good friends with the guy, maybe talk to him in a public place. i hope youre ok with that, and dont feel alone, it happens to alot of people. dont feel afraid or let it keep you from living, youre a beautiful girl and you dont deserve that to happen.

    as for me…well….
    its about the usual. im keeping everything in, and feeling really down. i dont let it show. i put on a happy face like a nice little girl does. im 145 pounds, where as betwween 130 and 160 is a healthy weight for me. im eating small meals every couple of hours instead of big meals..i dont know why i do this, its mostly to keep me from binging i guess. its actually really helpful.
    i eat allloottt, and even though im a healthy weight i want to drop 15 pounds..i havent started trying yet but im going to start. the scary part is that i eat when im hungary and excersise heavily for about 45 minutes a day(cardio) and my weight is being maintained..i dont want to have to keep myself hungary. i hate that feeling because ill have the urge to see how long i can go feeling hunhgary..its always a competition for me.

    also, one of my friends told me about her ed a few days away. she doesnt want any help, but i know that she is out of control. when she talks to me about it, its like back when i was struggling, one of the worst points in my life. shes already too small and wont listen to me when i tell her she needs help. she wants to stop after she loses 10 more pounds, and i know that she wont. its so out of control that my guess is that she’ll keep losing weight until she reached 95 pounds, and at that point shell look skelatal. im scared for her. i feel like i have the highest chance of getting through to her because ive been through this.
    anyone have any ideas of how i can tell her that she needs to trust me and believe me that she needs to begin her recovery?
    i told her to post on here but she hasent yet..

    friend,
    if youre reading this now, know that i love you. text me. youre beautiful and i dont want you to get as far as i did. i wish i could explain how much pain i was in but i can barly put it in words…read my commets from january last year if you want to find out. i love you<3
    aliza.

  15. alexandra

    okay so, i’ve been reading this site for the past few days.. it was shown to me by my friend aliza.
    she told me to write on here even though i don’t really know what to write. she told me that i need to recover, but i don’t even feel like i’m sick. in fact, i know i’m not.
    to start off, i’ll tell you that i’m 5’4″ and 113 pounds right now.. that is a perfectly normal, healthy weight. my bmi is 21.1, which is healthy too. that’s the first clue that i have that tells me that i am fine.
    let’s start off when this all started.. well, i don’t really know when it started. i have been so uncomfortable with my weight since a long time.. probably since i was eight or nine. i didn’t start controlling what i ate until january of this year. i started off at 136 pounds. i was put on ritalin for attention deficit disorder, and one of the side effects of this is appetite loss. i thought nothing of it honestly.. i just stopped eating because i was never hungry. i thought that it was great that i could lose weight while on this medication, because it was simple. never hungry, didn’t have to worry about a thing. i lost 21 pounds the first month. over the rest of the year, my weight has yoyo-ed up and down, and i can’t stand it. i feel fat all the time. it’s terrible. lately, i’ve been cutting back to about 400 calories a day. i want to get down to 105 pounds by the end of december.
    this is my way of control. i know that when i’m happy with my weight i can stop. but people are concerned. i don’t have a problem, and i don’t want to get labelled with the word ‘anorexia’ again. its been happening for a year, and i don’t think that it’s true.
    food is on my mind all the time, but that doesn’t mean anything. i’m just learning to control myself.
    i didn’t want to post on this site because everyone here is looking for recovery.. i’m not. i’m just looking to put down everything that i’m feeling inside. the people i told i really trust, and they’re concerned. they shouldn’t be. i’ll stop when i’m ready. i can do this. i am in control.

    also, aliza.. i wanted to say thank you. i know i’ve said it but i really didn’t put down in words how much it means to me that you care. i want you to know that i’m going to be okay. i’m going to stop. i don’t want you to hurt over me and i don’t want you to be scared for me. i love you and it means the world to me that you’re here for me. <3 i'm gonna be okay.

  16. aliza

    you people are my family.
    someone post.
    🙂 love you alexandria, youre a beaut, i can tell cuz youre sittin right beside me<3
    we had some poutine. it was difficult for the both of us, but we did it:)
    i ve been feeling shitty latley, and hope someone is out there reading along.
    love you girls<3
    stay faithful

  17. Jen

    alexandra, i know exactly how you feel. I have a normal weight too and im about 5’5. Yes i have been cutting back on my calorie intake but for me food is what i control like what you said if somehting goes wrong i know i can make it better by not eating, so ill feel better about my self. Im very smart and i would never let myself get to the point where i have to go to the hospital but my parents found out. They sent me to a clinic so now im forced with certain meals and im scared. Its not like im underweight but they making me eat and eat and now i have all these rules. Until i found this website i felt so alone and isolated because i dont know anyone else personally with this. I hate when people joke around and call me anorexic because im not and i know i am not. I just wanted to say i feel the same way as you and your not alone

  18. aliza

    Jen,
    anorexia is more than just being skin and bones.
    i suffered from bulemia when i was 170 pounds. it was taking over my life. and i was overweight.
    anorexia is a brain disorder, effecting your mind. if they think that your thoughts, what ever is going through your head might make you want to harm yourself, people are going to step in.
    its more than being under, over, or a normal weight. its so much more than numbers. its what you see in the mirror and how far youll go to change that image.
    and i know if we try hard enough, we can all turn away from the mirror, because there is so much more out there we’re missing when were lost in this horrid little world of ours.
    its like your whole world crumbles apart, and im going to help all of you keeo it together.
    i know you can make it
    look away from the mirror.:)
    <3
    im so glad, jen, that you realize that youre not alone.
    just a couple days ago, we were talking about anemia, and a dude in my class just flat out said 'yeah, i was anemic, i got it a while back when i was anorexic'
    i have so much respect for him now.
    i know ill be able to do that some day.
    sorry for the big rant, girls and boys.
    i had a bad night.
    i had a donut, fudge, 3 peanut butter balls, soup and a bag of chips…it was disgusting.
    i was hungary though…i got through it.

    …i miss smiling for real

    love you guys<3 stay strong

  19. Jen

    aliza,
    thanks and im trying so hard to get rid of it. i know its not normal i guess why my case is a little different. i know im not fat but my half of my mind thinks i could get skinner. Sometimes i forgot about those feelings and im totally able to ignore that side of my brain like on the weekends but as soon as the week comes i have school and am alone most of the time it hits me hard. this clinic is making me have a treatment called like family based recovery where i have so many rules about eating and i cant take it anymore i feel like everyone is against me. none of the doctors listen to me they think my whole brain is taken over by my ed so they just say its not worth listening to like an ed patient. it makes me so mad. i feel even worse going through recovery phisologically than the actual eating part. I wish the doctors would let me fix my mind before the eating but they say it doesnt work when i know this treatment theyre giving me now wont work. Its tearing me apart and i dont know what to do.

  20. alexandra

    jen, i’m so glad you’re trying to get rid of those thoughts. you’re not alone in what you’re feeling, believe me on that one!
    i wish i was doing the same thing & trying to get better. i haven’t reached my goal weight yet,
    in fact i only started restricting my diet about two and a half weeks ago. i’ve already lost about thirteen pounds but i have maybe nine to go.
    i know i can stop.. i completely know i can.
    i don’t want to get better yet. i know i won’t make this go too far.

  21. Jen

    thats how i feel too im not ready to get better because im still not satisfied but im forced to get better. Its so hard trying to make excuses and lying when people know you have a problem and are constantly watching/ questioning you. I went to the ed clinic today and wanted to scream at the doc. She doesnt listen to me and is so mean. She says she knows how hard it is but no body actaullly knows the feeling unless theyre going through it and thats what doc dont understand. Its so annoying. I just wish no one found out…

  22. aliza

    jen, i know how it feels to have no privacy or opinon towards your recovery, but when they tell you that you need to eat, they arent liying to you. and the reason that they wont let you wait until your mind gets better before you eat, its because your mind cant get better without food. if you stopped eating, and tryed to go through therapy, the progress would be nothing compaired to therapy with food. when you eat, your mind does get better. think about it like eating is part of your therapy to get better, and its not just the gaining weight part. as for the weekend-week days part, you need to find something to comfort you through those days to make eating easier. try calling friends or family everynight. go for a walk, draw, take pictures, read, paint, anything that will calm yourself and wont let you feel so alone and help you eat more comfortably. youre doing great! you have no idea the progress, dont ever say that you wish none found out. because if noone ever found out, you would likley never get better. you would relapse more often and more drastlicaly. i know you can do this, recovery is beautiful<3

    alexandra, i love you so much,a dn you are so beautiful. 13 pounds? you should have told me, and nine pounds…youll look skelatal. you cant stop, youre out of control already. when i decided to stop i lost about 15 more pounds. you need to try and eat over 1200 calories a day. noone wants to be this obsessive. noone wants to feel this pain, and i wont let this happen to you. tell you everyday that you are going to beat this. get it out of your head that you need to lose weight, and put in your mind that you need to stop this eating disorder dead in its tracks because it will drag you away soon. i can see that you are on the path, and it wont be soon. you cant lose anymore weight. you need to set new goals and start over before you end in the hospital. you need to beat this, and ill be here for you every step of the way.

    love you all<3 stay faithful

  23. aliza

    im hurting so bad. i just need some sort of inspiration. im going to look back at my old posts..i thought reading my old diary might of helped but i burned it a while back during one of my break downs.
    i had a panic attack yesterday.
    i feel so alone. i need some help.
    i really think i need some medication. my parents dont know because they dont see how sad and depressed i really am. i dont want to hurt them the way i hurt them last year, so i try hard to fix myself and put on a happy face. but right now i cant even leave my room because i feel like such a failure.
    i dont even know what triggered it. i was looking for my new boxers to wear but i cant find them..and than i just…broke down. because i found myself reallyreally warm and it just hurts to know that i cant take off my sweater at all.
    i feel so huge and so fat..i bought new jeans today and all i wish was that those jeans were 3 sizes smaller. because i would of been swimming in them at my lowest weight. ive gained so so so much…and now i realized how far ive taken it..
    i love food. i gained so much weight
    and i feel like i just cant take this anymore.
    i would describe further the fucked up shit going through my head but i dont want to frighten anyone or have you worry about me…
    it just hurts so bad.
    i cant stop these urges and feelings.

  24. alexandra

    Aliza, stay strong. I love you and I’m here to talk if you need me okay? You are beautiful just the way you are. You are not fat, and not ugly. Remember what I said about wishing I could be like you? I wasn’t lying. You’ve come so far. Don’t give up. You’ve beaten those thoughts before, and I know you can do it again. I’m here for you.
    Don’t ever change <3 I love you

  25. aliyah

    been a while since I have been on. Hope you are all ok ladies and gents. Smile, its nearly the end of the year make 2011 an ana/ ed free one.
    Positive thoughts and always think about the long term consequences of your eating behaviours, its never worth throwing up, or restricting, or skipping a meal…. x

  26. Jen

    aliza i know how you feel gaining back the weight is so hard, but dont call yourself fat, look in the mirror and tell yourself your beautiful, find distractions other than food, what im learning is that even though its hard food is minor thing in life and its not worth the emotional stress over. Even though it might be hard to look in the mirror sometimes dont wish you fit into 3 sizes smaller, try to think your perfect thte way you are and lucky youre still her staying strong. I know its hard to fihgt off the thoughts and even know im just beginning recovery im beginning to realize that everything happens for a reason. I know you want to get better so who cares how you look as long as your healthy its just your mind playing tricks on you. find distractions!!! <3

  27. alexandra

    Having a pretty bad day today, haven’t eaten much at all. My parents force food into me that I really can’t take. I’ll never tell them how much I hate food or how much I really need to lose that weight.
    I went to the doctor and they told me I weighed 125 pounds. That broke my heart a little.. Or a lot. I can’t stand feeling so disgusting and fat all the time.
    It’s pulling me away from my friends, they’re getting scared. I’m never happy anymore and I get into pointless fights about my insecurity.
    I just want this pain to go away. I just want to be thin and beautiful already.

  28. Jen

    My doctor told me last week i gained some weight and my parents were so happy i wanted to run and scream at them i hate going to the doctors it ruins my whole day finding out how much uneeded weight i gained. Im rreally trying hard to no let this get in the way of my friends i cant lose them sometimes i have to put an act on in front of them to seem happy i dont like when they ask me 24.7 why i look upset but sometimes theyre the only support i have when im mad at my parents so i really dont wanna lose them.. i know how you feel alexandra gaining the weight is the worst feeling in the world.

  29. aliza

    alex- you are beautiful and i want you to know that 125..its healthy. it might not be model..but it still is sooo skinny. you dont need to be skinny to be beautiful…you are amazing and i really NEED you to beat this. i need you to do this. you have to want to get better

    jen – just remember that theyre doing all of this because they love you and they want you to be healthy…they would never make you do something that would harm you. trust them, dont trust your ana voice. you cant think straight with all of these distorted images in your head. just keep faith and keep truckin;)

    soory that wasnt that long..im having a bad day. its christmas eve and i dont want to get out of bed to talk to my family. i want to cut. i want to throw up, i want to give up

    i forget what its like to be genuinly happy:(

  30. Jen

    aliza dont think like that today its the one time of the year where you should tryy to be happy! whatever your thoughts are find distractions erase them. Your loved and im sure your family wants to see you happy on this holiday even though it might be hard it would make their day. i feel like ive gotten to know you from this website and i care about you after hearing all your posts and im here for you please dont wanna cut its not good you dont want to hurt yourself you dont deserve it you dont do anything wrong aliza. i know what it feels like when you want to give up but think of all the people who care and all the fun times youd had in your life dont give up yet you dont need to. you need to have fun try to get out of bed and put a smile on because you deserve the best xmas ever. i can tell your going through a really hard time but you needa tell your mind positive things dont let it play tricks on you and bring you down especailly not today<3

  31. alexandra

    jen- I’m sure the weight you gained was needed, try not to worry about it! be glad you’re gainin, it means that you’re that much closer to beating this and getting rid of these thoughts!
    aliza- stay strong, I’m here for you. I’d do anything for you. stay strong, try to distract yourself from these urges.

  32. alexandra

    merry christmas/happy holidays to everyone <3
    stay strong you guyss,
    let's try and make this a worry-free day!

    i ate chocolate this morning, and a good amount of it. it immediately made me sick, but i'm kinda proud of myself for eating it.

  33. aliza

    jen, alex, thank you so so much, this forum means alot to me and so do you.
    im really tired today and had a rough couple of days so i cant really write anything.
    but thank you very very much<3
    stay strong and fight hard.
    i feel like ive seen the worst part of life than anyone could ever have seen. why would god put anyone in this amount of pain? maybe i just really deserve it.

    i hope everyone is really well<3

  34. alexandra

    Aliza, you didn’t deserve it. god just wanted to show you just how strong you really can be..he wanted to give you something that you could use to help others and to learn.
    you’ve come so far, and you’re saving me too.
    love youu, stay stronggg <3

  35. aliza

    dad told me to stop eating today.
    my siblings told me i was fat yesterday.
    i know ive gotten a little chunkier and it really shows because my clothes are small…but it hurts that they dont even understand the little things add up…

  36. alexandra

    you are not chunky. not one bit. you shouldn’t listen to them, Aliza. just be yourself. what they say doesn’t matter.

  37. alexandra

    I feel fat and ugly and worthless today.
    My stepmother hid our scale because I weigh myself too much.

  38. Jen

    aliza i havent been on in awhile but i just read your posts please stay strong dont listen to what your family says i get thtat to sometimes they dont understand how there words affect us noone really understnds eds unless theyre going through it please dont let their comments get to you<3 and if you need someone to vent to about a porblem with a friend or someone im here for you stay strong your doing great think positive:)

  39. Kayla

    Not been on in a long time. I see there are some new people. Hope you are all doing ok and have had a good christmas.

    Aliza don’t listen to your family. You are beautiful.

    Any problems you’ve had. Take them and leave them behind in 2010. 2011 is time for a fresh start and a happy new year.

    byee x

  40. alexandra

    I lost 11 pounds in the past 18 days, I really don’t even know what’s going on anymore. I never expected to lose that much so fast and it’s awesome and I wanna keep going.. But I wanna know that I can stop whenever I want.
    And I’m not sure I can do that anymore. When I try to eat, I feel so sick. Getting to 800 calories is hell to me, it hurts to eat. I’ve now been showing symptoms of hypoglycemia (low blood sugar) and I almost passed out today.
    I’m a healthy weight but my friends keep saying I’m getting thinner, although I know I’m not.
    I’m not afraid to lose more weight, I just want to be able to stop when I need to. And I just know that I can’t..
    Is it even normal to think like this? I feel like what I am thinking isn’t right..

  41. jen

    thats how i felt and you think you can stop but really you cant because your mind keeps telling you your still not thin enough so it just goes on and on i wanted to just lose a little weight and be able to control how much i lost but after a while you lose control and the ed takes control over you when you think you have control but really you dont

  42. Kate

    hey guys, it’s been awhile but I’m not doing so good.
    For awhile I thought i was doing good and that I was finally getting control of my anorexia but at this moment, I’m not so sure. For the longest time, I was beginning to thnk that I was over my fear of “forbidden” foods. But tonight, I went on what felt like a binge so I’m sure it was. I ate so many “forbidden” foods and I’m not sure why and now I’m scared. I am so scared that I’m going to gain a bunch of weight from it and I’ll feel worse about myself.
    I need someone to talk to.. there’s no one where I live that understands what I am going through and so I keep all my feelings to myself. I don’t know why I continued to eat the food even after I was full. Like what was I trying to prove and to who??? It was like I was telling myself HA! See there I can eat that and you can’t stop me. But really that is so pathetic! Help me guys… I don’t know what to do or think. I want to restrict so badly and I had even thought about purging… :S

  43. Jen

    kate i know exactly how you feel when this first began for me i had absolutely no one to tell but if you have a trusted friend it helps unless noone knows about your ed yet im not sure what your case is but the thing is when you tell yourself your gunna restrict all you rmind does is think about the foods and if you see your ” forbidden” foods in your house your minds gunna say oh i can have just one and ill skip a meal tommorw for it but in reality once you take that first bite your mind realizes how good it is and doesnt wanna give it up so you keep eating and eating and you end up gainign more weight than eating normal meals throughout the day my doctor makes me eat everything noraml now but ive realized since ive been eating healthy foods thorugh the whole day i dont binge anymore and i feel better eating healthy foods than bineign on bad foods and getting so mad at myself

  44. aliza

    aliza.
    quickly..sorry. i need sleep.
    but,,,
    anyone have a fear of being touched? i used to have it really bad. i still have it only for strangers though and my mother. why my mother? i love her, but i feel so mean:/

  45. Hannah

    Hey!
    I was wondering if any of you had advice on how I can help encourage a friend who I think has anorexia? I just confronted her last night about all the weight she has lost in the past yr. She’s 5’6″ and has gone from 135 to 110lbs. But she says when she looks in the mirror she still sees a fat person. She admitted to restricting herself to 800 calories a day and I know this isn’t healthy considering we have 2 hours of dance practice each day for dance team. Anyway she told me this started because her dad and boyfriend tease her about her weight, she can’t eat in front of them. Her mom struggles with the same issue and when she brought it up to her mom she said she thinks she looks better than ever and doesn’t think it’s a bid deal. I’m just so worried about her, she doesn’t look healthy and even our dance coach asked me about her. My friend said nobody knows about it besides me and she doesn’t want me to tell anyone. However, I did tell my mom because she has a major in food science and I wanted to make sure this was anorexia. I basically just told her I loved her, and wanted to see her get better…but what else can I do for her??

  46. Jen

    make sure you dont tell anyone else .. if she doesnt want ppl knowing then you have to let her trust you .. you prob wont understand what shes thinking when she sees the fat persson but she cant help it just make sure you stick by her side and when your with her dont force her to eat but if ur eating just offer her stuff like usual make everuhting seem normal like its not abig deal and she will maybe be able to get her mind off her ed .. also find distractions if shes always in her house amke sure u have fun with her u dont want her alone cuz then shell think about it even more and wanna isolate herself just be supportive dont confront her but just let her know ur a little worried cuz u love her and shes beautiful the way she is .. maybe tell her if she feels like she cant talk abt it to her familt she shd get a thearpust it helps to tell another adult who cant tell anything to .. and if she cant eat in front of her family then try taking her out to dinner or inviting her over just anything to let her have fun and get her mind off of it

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