anorexia talk – for people recovering from anorexia (3)

This is a special area for people who want to have a small, intimate place to discuss anorexia. It was born via the rather long comment section in an article here on this site about 10 activities that help with recovering from anorexia, which was then moved here and then here.

A great, huge, big, humongous thank-you to all the contributors. Your fierce commitment to recovering from anorexia and your loving support for each other have truly surpassed my wildest dreams.  This is what I wanted when I first created this site!  I am humbled and honoured.

Please continue sharing and using this space here.

(I also know there are other sites out there who are very good at helping people with anorexia talk to each other; Somethingfishy is the best example. I certainly don’t want to take away from sites like this; they’ve proven invaluable for people who are trying to overcome anorexia.

However, for those of you who want to stay here, I’d like to provide this space where you can talk.)

Please be aware that this area is visible to anyone who cares to visit; if privacy is important to you, please use an alias.

This is a place of support and respect, a place for sharing your journey in recovering from anorexia. I will remove any comment that is disrespectful or unsupportive (and, of course, any and all spam).

So … go to it! And if you want to follow the conversation, please don’t forget to make sure you’re subscribing to the comments.

(Btw, if you’re interested to hear what has been written on this blog on anorexia so far, here is the list.)

Here are a few things you may want to start out with:

  • Do you get enough support from people around you?
  • How do you deal with the roller coaster of recovering from anorexia?
  • Have you found a food plan that works for you?
  • How do you feel with the feeling of self-loathing that sometimes come up?
  • Do you have tips for finding (and staying with) the right therapist?
  • How long have you been in recovery?
  • What do you do when you can’t stop thinking about the food/weight?

Disclaimer: This site and this page specifically are not meant to be a substitute for face-to-face professional advice. If in doubt, or in an emergency, please visit your local health professional.

477 thoughts on “anorexia talk – for people recovering from anorexia (3)

  1. Been there

    hey chloe. ive been there and im pretty much better now and happy too! its extremely hard when your in the situation i know, but you know that saying that beauty is pain? well this “pain” of eating like so much is actually making you prettier, im not just saying that. obese ppl have to go through pain to look better and feel better and so do anorexics. like i once did, you may think ull get fat and ugly but if you work at it , one day ull start to feel happier and then after a while youl notice how much prettier you are. skin,hair, cheeks, everything. im so glad i dont look like i did 6 months ago…but it was reallly hard to keep up with all that food. just know that i was in ur shoes and now im much better looking and i feel so happy almost all the time (ahah and im not on meds)

  2. Kate

    I been trying to eat more too Chloe and it’s scary! It feels like I’m constantly eating. But now I feel so bloated and fat. I also noticed that my stomach is extended too. Will the weight distribute?? I get scared when I feel and see the changes and it makes me want to restrict. 🙁

  3. Been there

    oh my gosh yah its so scary. and the stomach popping out is horrifying!!! i rememberr so clearly. but your body will redistribute the weight and if u get to a healthy weight you feel totally not fat. most of my clothes except for skinny jeans fit, too and i feel a lot better in my body. the weight doesnt feel awkward. i remember at first my butt felt to jiggly but now it doesnt at all and id kinda rather have a bigger butt ahahahah just keep it up and ull see how things go. ur in control and ur makin yoursdelf more attractive to all

  4. Kate

    well it’s good to know that the weight redistributes. I just wish it would hurry up already!! Right now I just want to wear baggy clothing so that I can’t feel how tight they are at the moment because I know I’d probably restrict. But I must not!! And oh my gosh!! I totally know what you mean by the jiggly butt!! Hahaha mine felt like that yesterday. I did notice that I am in a better mood now that I’ve been eating more although it still scares me having to eat so much. I’m even slowly trying to eat my “forbidden foods” but it’s hard. Also why does it feel like I can’t stop eating sometimes?? even when I’m not hungry. It’s discouraging!

  5. kaily

    Kate: It seems to me you´re working so hard right now, and that´s just so effin INSPIRING. Think about that every time you consider restricting. THAT doesn´t help any of us; you won´t feel better, and as long as you don´t feel better, you can´t set a good example for others who struggle as wells. I mean, thats what I try to think about, but I know it´s real hard.

    About the hunger…I know! But they say it will correct itself. Our bodies are a bit confused at the moment, haha

    Girls, I´m really confused myself right now. They want me to gain 16 pounds. That´s just…evil, right? I wont even be lean then….

  6. Kate

    Kaily: if you don’t mind me asking, how much do you currently weigh? At my lowest weight, thyey wanted me to gain 35 pounds or so. Slowly over the past year, I have gotten some of the weight on ( by the way, I’m 5 foot 5 ) and I’m still suppose to gain more.

    For so long,I’ve been waiting and wanting someone to tell me one morning that I would be completely recovered and I’d be able to enjoy food and life like I used to. But it took me up until a couple of weeks ago that it doesn’t work that way. I actually have to try and put the effort into getting better. I didn’t become anorexic overnight and I sure the heck won’t recover over night. And so that’s why I’ve decided to try at another attempt at recovery. I’ve noticed that since I’ve started to eat more and more, I’m much more happy and have more energy. Even though it scares the hell out of me, I still try.
    I do have a goal weight in my mind and I hope to reach it although it’s not the same as the one the doctors have in mind. They told me that I should be at least 114 pounds for my body compostion, etc.. but even then that number scares me.
    Kaily, you will be lean if you eat the right foods in order to gain those 16 pounds. Also, once you get to a safe weight, you could also go to the gym and lift weights or do exercises to help build lean muscle. That’s what I plan on doing. But we must be careful that we don’t become obesessive with exercising either.
    Right now I’m not suppose to exercise because I’ll probably end up losing all that I do gain. But I feel that it would help me mentally if I did do some light exercises. What do you guys think would be a healthy and safe weight so that I could start toning up? I figured that as long as I continue to eat the right foods and exercising moderately, I should become lean and reach my weight goal… right???
    Slowly everyday I’m trying to eat the foods that I’m scared off and I find that the more I try them, the easier it gets to eat them.
    Even though I find the many attempts at recovery frustrating, I realize now that I have grown stronger from each of them. And maybe, just maybe this time will be the success!!

  7. Amy

    Hi its me amy..havnt psted in a wile because things were going great! Met a new guy in my class..we got on realy wel and started going out..then one nite I got drunk and he said i was flirtin with other people..now he wont talk to me:( Im so upset..i havnt slept in 3 days. Ive ben eating fine bt hav lost weight…im under 8 stone again and I was told if i went under that theyd put me back in therapy..i feel depressed tbh…about not bein able to talk to this guy nemre and i actualy dnt feel like eatin nemre either.. So many bad things av happened me in my life…depression,anorexia,depression,bulimia,anorexia,lost friends..now this..:(

  8. Holly

    Hi amy, i know exactly how you feel. i started going out with a fella a few weeks back and we really really liked eachother and then all of a sudden he just dumped me and said he was sick of our fights and it completely broke me, i was so upset i didnt see the point in being here anymore. and although we do talk now, its not the same because im always going to want more:/
    dont worry you arent alone…. xoxox

  9. amy

    Hi Holly.
    Thanks for telling me ur story. It is so hard..we were like best friends in our class 2..so its so hard.Its a pity one ite can change everything.Every1 is on my side tho..sayin hes bein immature lol. aw wel… Im gona get over it…not gona let 1 boy make me go back to the way I was

  10. Chloe

    Thanks guys- you’ve really made me feel a bit better about myself… I’m really trying now but Kate i really know how you are feeling… i feel as if i’m eating all the time but it is almost exciting to eat my forbidden foods as i have been depriving myself for so long!!! xxx

  11. Kate

    Hey everyone,
    things are going pretty good with me. I’m eating more and more of my forbidden foods and Chloe, you’re right, it is exciting. The only disappointment I somewhat have after eating some of those foods, is that they don’t taste as good as I thought they would after being deprived of them for so long haha. None the less I’m still trying them. And the more and more that I try new foods, the easier it is to ignore the thoughts and guilt that usually comes with it from the ED. So that’s got to be a good sign that I’m recovering, right?
    I’ve been doing really good with my eating and finally the bloating as started to go down. YAY!! 🙂 I’ve also noticed that my legs, arms, face and well basically my whole body is starting to fill out nicely and I’m not at all bothered by it.
    I’m definatly looking forward to wear nice clothes again and not been cold all the time.
    Good luck everyone! I didn’t think I could do it but slowly everyday I believe I can.
    <3

  12. Chloe

    That’s great Kate- it sounds like you’re really recovering well now 🙂 I wish my bloating would go down soon though .. and yeah i so know what you mean about the foods not tasting as good as you thought they would taste thing, but it is GREAT when you find the foods that do taste as good as you imagined them to 🙂

  13. Amy

    I have binged since friday:( I ate toast-slices for breakfast and a yoghurt.. then soup wheaten bread, yoghurt and kit kat for lunch, then a skinny blueberry muffin.. then alpen cereal..4 KIT KATS:o and 2 yoghurts and a rice krispie bar.. i seem to be doing this since fr:( im gona gain so much weight and i dnt need 2.. i dnt no y this is happening. I had lost half a stone since october bt il prob hav put it back on and go up to 8 stone 3 🙁

  14. Rochelle

    How do you get past the feeling of being completely stuffed and you just can’t fit any more food in? I have been struggling the past couple of days as I try to take more in, but the feeling of discomfort is overwhelming. How long will it last for?

  15. Kate

    Rochelle,
    I admit, it’s hard to get past that feeling. Sometimes you just have to ignore it. Even though I’m doing much better with food, I still having times where I’m not hungry but I know I must eat. The feeling shouldn’t last for too long. As long as you keep trying to eat, it’ll get easier and easier to eat normally and more food than what you have been. You just have to keep trying. Because once your body realizes that you won’t starve it anymore, it’ll want more and more food. Sometimes it feels like I won’t be able to stop eating. But eventually, that too will pass. Good luck.

  16. Rochelle

    Kate – Thank you very much. It feels like it has been a battle the past couple of days. I keep trying to forgive myself for eating all this food. I know I need it and want to get past the feeling of needing to restrict and opening myself up to other safe foods. Thanks for the reassurance that the feeling will go away and continuing to eat will only help it pass. It is good to know that others feel or have felt the same way and I am not the only one. The comments posted by others and yourself are very helpful. Thank you for your support.

  17. Neko

    Hi everyone,
    I was writting on a different page but its got a lot of comments on it and the page won’ t load for me anymore.
    Food situations over the holidays especially drive me crazy (still). I am just not trying to think about thanksgiving and I’m trying not to be anxious. Every year I get questions from the family about what I do /don’t eat. No one knows about this ED. any advice?
    I am also really having a hard time again with body image and food (not really related to the holidays…it just happens to be now.) I hate this place.I have been so busy, I have not been exercising and I feel guilty about that…and I just so freaking tired. I’m still eating…probably not everything I should but still eating. grrr… I feel so stuck.
    Just had to vent… have a good rest of the weekend

  18. AmyB

    Hey girls 🙂 (Sorry for the cheery smile, I know most of you are probably thinking “fuck off” right about now)
    I’ve suffered from anorexia for years now; I relapsed last year, and now I’m well into my road of recovery, once again. It has been about 3-4 months of healthy eating habits. That seems like an eternity compared to the years I spent starving myself. Ironic, huh?
    It’s hard, as all of you are finding. It’s insane how eating seems so much harder than not eating.
    But I’d like to let you in on some secrets:
    – I started to be open with my mom about my eating disorder. It helped ease the anger she felt about why I wouldn’t eat (It’s hard having your mom snap at you in front of company to eat your food, when you are having anxiety just looking at it). We came to some pretty reasonable compromises. I eventually went beyond those compromises (long after) to eating more than we agreed upon. My mom then told many people (at first I was mad) but when they came for dinner, I noticed I was getting more support and advice than weird looks. It made me feel like an insider, not an outsider.
    – When I eat a big meal, I feel really shocked and surprised that me (a starver of many years) could eat something like that. So I dive into my school books or start on a book or something that will highly distract me for hours, until the feeling of fullness and uncomfortableness has gone away. The feeling still comes, but I’ve learned to suppress it. Now after I’ve eaten and studied for hours (or something more fun) I start to feel my tummy growl for more. It’s kind of fun to get my appetite back.
    – I’m still a health NUT. Recovering from an eating disorder doesn’t mean you have to go and eat all the crap your brothers and friends do. We have an advantage, we know what we do and do not want to eat! Take control of your eating in a new and improved way; I’ve started to eat whole grain instead of whole wheat/white, and tonnes of vegetables. Most clinicians will say that you should start to eat with your family, what they eat, in their portions; I agree, but if my family is having unhealthy things that won’t improve my health at all, I’ll make something separate, like whole grain pasta, vegetables in sauce, chicken, and chocolate milk. Then I’ll sit down and eat with them. Of course, this won’t work unless you make an appropriate portion and eat it all.
    – Set a goal weight. It will take a while to get there. (I’m still not at mine; very close though) To lessen the fear that you will lose control and eat until you bust, this will control your eating in a new way. Once you get to your goal weight, practise healthy eating habits by trying to stay there; this doesn’t mean going under! And try not to panic if you go over.
    – I still worry. When I get on the scale, I still think hard about my weight. But again, try and distract yourself. Once you are hungry again, the number won’t seem nearly as big.
    – Don’t way yourself too often! It’s annoying, especially with fluctuating numbers. I weigh twice a week maximum.
    – My hair is still falling out, but growing in on the sides. Progress is showing!!
    – I have so many more. But I need breakfast!
    Let me know if anyone has any questions; i’m not fully recovered or any more of an expert than you guys, but sometimes new opinions open up some eyes.

  19. Ally

    hey to everyone on this. I just wanted to say i know what u have all been through. i am an example of recovery working, i had anoreia and bulimia and believe me all you should try your best to recover. Get healthy, get happy.
    a skinny unhealthy body is not a good luck, plus there are so many long term consequences, you dont want to ruin yyour life! so eat regularly, vary the food, and try not to purge, restrict and so on. your body has to trust u, so feed it 🙂

  20. Ema

    @ AmyB

    Hi Amy, my name is Ema (almost the same 🙂 )
    I’ m in the same recovery phase as you are. Well, I have some questions…
    Are you afraid of reaching your goal weight? Because I’m also very close to that point, but I just cannot stand the thought of seeing those numbers… How do you cope with that? Please help me, because if I don’t reach it , and ACCEPT IT, it will cause further problems.
    It has already cost me my mum’s patience and trust, and I don’t think she can’t handle it anymore… I’m tired of feeling depressed, waking up in the morning hating myself and constantly diminishing my achievements… I have done everything, everything there is to be done in the outside world… Still, I feel so empty.
    I have talked to my therapist, but it helped me to a certain point. I have to break out from this never-ending cycle. Sometimes, I succeed in fighting it, but I always return to the same pattern… Controlling my weight has become my main priority, and even though I realize it is the road to nothingness, I’m still not able to shake it off.
    Do you feel like I do?

  21. aliyah

    ema, i have been where you are. I got to that ideal weight, and honestly i didnt feel good but when i told my bf and mum and dad, they were so hapyp and i knew then this was the right place to be, its not healthy in any way to be underweight. If its easier you shouldnt weight yourself, i dont anymore, i go by how clothes fit me and try to remain a stable weight.
    you wont get fat , that was my concern for years, and through all those years all i did was get anorexia and bulimia and now i am over them, because the fear was irrational. Its not true, if you eat well ( 3 regular meals), and try to follow your body hunger cues , which i know can be hard you wont get fat. try to get to your ideal weight and then maintain it.
    Often the thoughts and cognitions take longer than the actual physical side to ”heal”. good luck x

  22. Amy:(

    Hey.. I have recovered from anorexia for a year now. However now I seem to be eating far too much that i feel sick:( It is so annoyin..im feelin realy fat again.. Then I dnt eat 4 a wile then eat 2 much. Im sick of this:(

  23. Kate

    hey guys, it’s been awhile but I’m not doing so good.
    For awhile I thought i was doing good and that I was finally getting control of my anorexia but at this moment, I’m not so sure. For the longest time, I was beginning to thnk that I was over my fear of “forbidden” foods. But tonight, I went on what felt like a binge so I’m sure it was. I ate so many “forbidden” foods and I’m not sure why and now I’m scared. I am so scared that I’m going to gain a bunch of weight from it and I’ll feel worse about myself.
    I need someone to talk to.. there’s no one where I live that understands what I am going through and so I keep all my feelings to myself. I don’t know why I continued to eat the food even after I was full. Like what was I trying to prove and to who??? It was like I was telling myself HA! See there I can eat that and you can’t stop me. But really that is so pathetic! Help me guys… I don’t know what to do or think. I want to restrict so badly and I had even thought about purging… :S

  24. Small-town girly

    Hi guys!
    I’m new around here 🙂 I suffered from anorexia about a year-and-a-half to two years back. I loved the feeling of losing wight and people commenting on it – it was like a drug. Until my parents sat me down and showed me pictures – holiday, school, you name it – and I saw myself through their eyes. However I’m quick with my mouth and I’ve convinced my parents all is well – I don’t need counseling. I’m still struggling a bit – I’m at a normal weight, but my mind still tells me I’m fat. Is it possible to defeat this on my own? My parents are very supportive, but they don’t realise what’s going on in my head. I haven’t read ALL the responses so I don’t know if this question’s been answered. I also have one VERY important question that’s seriously bothering me: It’s been more than two years since I’ve had my period. Will it come back or have I scarred my body for life? I’m so scared I won’t be able to have children one day!!!!

  25. Small-town girly

    Dear Kate
    I’m probably not the best person to give you advice, but I understand EXACTLY how you feel. I don’t know if this is of any help, but when I do binge, I always tell myself that tomorrow is a new day, I’ll do better. Your body burns ALOT of calories while you sleep, so you can literally take it one day at a time. One binge is not going to make your body gain weight. What I’ve also taken to doing is adding foods to my ‘anorexic diet’ systematically, one at a time. At first you’ll feel guilty about that cup of coffee after lunch or the chocolate biscuit at tea but onece your mind accepts that it’s part of your diet, you won’t even count the calories. And then you do it with a next food and so forth. Don’t be so hard on yourself – it is going to take time and you are going to have relapses. but the most important thing is to not let it get you down. Remember, you’re not back to square one! You’ve just taken a step back. So take that step forward again! What we have to overcome isn’t easy – chain smokers learn to just avoid cigarettes all together, alcoholics need to stay away from alcohol. BUT WE CAN”T JUST CUT OUT FOOD! Thus the problem stares you in the face three times a day! And cut yourself some slack 🙂 – you’ve already taken steps against anorexia, so you’re half way there. Tomorrow is a new day 🙂 forgive and forget

  26. Calli

    Hi everyone
    I am new here but i figured this is a good place to get advice from those who understand and share my feelings without having someone get mad at me for them. I have been suffering suffering anorexia. I’m 5’6 and weigh about 90 LBs. My mom suffered from anorexia when she was my age too and is trying to help me but it always seems like she is trying to make me over eat and forcing me to eat which makes me frustrated with her and we end of fighting over it. She used to tell me i was over weight before i became anorexic and now she wants me to eat all these foods she used to tell me to cut back on like chips and french fries and sweets. I dont know what to do. I used to enjoy food and not care what i ate or when i ate it. Now i count every calorie and look up every food that i eat.

    I do want to get better and be able to just enjoy food again but when i eat i feel like i wont be able to stop. I also dont know how much to eat to start gaining weight without over eating. Im so scared to gain weight and not look skinny anymore but i know i am killing my body and this needs to be done. My mom is scared to death that i am just killing my organs and she crys almost everyday. i want to get better for her and myself Someone please help me 🙂

  27. alex

    hi Calli,
    i think you were very brave to post on here and take the first step to trying to recover. i, too, am just starting to try to recover.
    i think that the first thing that is the most important thing to have is a close friend or two to confide in.. it’s definitely hard to deal with something like this alone. try to talk to someone who you feel will understand. i know that it’s very hard to try and tell people, but if you find someone who you can trust, it will help you so much in the long term.
    also.. i know how bad it feels to start eating and feel like you won’t be able to stop. your body needs the food so much, that it just wants to take it any chance it gets.
    one way to stop feeling like this, is to eat three small meals every day, with little snacks in between. you don’t have to eat unhealthily – but you do have to try and get every food group in. your body is probably very vitamin deficient. generally you should probably eat about 2000 calories a day.. i know it seems like a lot, but work up to it. try to eat at least every four hours.
    i know it seems like your mom is trying to force you to over eat, but to someone with an ed, a normal amount of food seems like a LOT. trust your mom.. she had an eating disorder and overcame it and she is healthy now, so she knows what to do.
    i know you can overcome this, we all can 😀
    keep hope! i know you can do this.

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