This is a special new area for people who want to have a small, intimate place to discuss anorexia. It was born via the rather long comment section in an article here on this site about 10 activities that help with recovering from anorexia. I know there are other sites out there who are very good at helping people with anorexia talk to each other; Somethingfishy is the best example. I certainly don’t want to take away from sites like this; they’ve proven invaluable for people who are trying to overcome anorexia.
However, for those of you who want to stay here, I’d like to provide this space where you can talk.
Please be aware that this area is visible to anyone who cares to visit; if privacy is important to you, please use an alias.
This is a place of support and respect, a place for sharing your journey in recovering from anorexia. I will remove any comment that is disrespectful or unsupportive (and, of course, any and all spam).
So … go to it! And if you want to follow the conversation, please don’t forget to make sure you’re subscribing to the comments.
(Btw, if you’re interested to hear what has been written on this blog on anorexia so far, here is the list.)
Here are a few things you may want to start out with:
- Do you get enough support from people around you?
- How do you deal with the roller coaster of recovering from anorexia?
- Have you found a food plan that works for you?
- How do you feel with the feeling of self-loathing that sometimes come up?
- Do you have tips for finding (and staying with) the right therapist?
- How long have you been in recovery?
- What do you do when you can’t stop thinking about the food/weight?
PLEASE NOTE:
Due to the great success of this page, I have now created a new page on this site, to make the large comment/talk section a bit easier to manage. Please continue your discussion here.
(And another note: Any message on this page that seems even remotely like spam will be deleted. This is NOT a place to advertise.)
thanks for all the support. gosh i’m so stressed. i’m gaining like 1 kg per day. i know its water weight and crap so when the hell will the water weight go away so that i can gain at my own pace. its too fast i can’t take it. i want to do it slowly but seriously 1 kg per day’s crazy. i need to exercise to build back my muscles if not it all going to be flabby. i’m gaining flab already, my clothes are getting tighter.
hell, i’m damn tired. mentally i mean. i’m sick of crying everyday. numb. emotionless. yeah, that’s what i feel. they can do whatever they want, its just going to change me physically. i’m totally rid of emotions.
tong i know EXACTLY what your going thru..i find though that when i work out to much it actually makes my muscles swollen therefore making my legss and srms loook bigger and that causes my mind to think bad thoughts like anxiety and “og god” and crap like that. and not to mention muscle weighs more than fat. so try not to overdue the wrking out..yoga and stretching is good though. as far as your emotions go i k now how your feeling.very alone like no one else understands you and just cold with a heaviness inside but thats your brain and the mental part of anorexia trying to adjust and it really takes time..its hell and im not going to lie and say it gets easy fast cause it doesnt its haaaaaaaarrrrrrdddddddd but in time it wil get better and better..your beautiful <3 always remember that.
remember 0 is not a size, dont aim for the low weight. aim for a healthy weight, which is stable and that u can enjoy food and have abetter relationship with food. dont let ana take anything away from you.
hi, I’m trying to recover from anorexia, and I was wondering how much calories do patients recovering from anorexia need? I’ve been eating around 2000 calories now and I’m scared that its too much. I’ve gained so much weight in just a few days and my stomach is so bloated, but I can’t control my binging! Will the binging go away?
hi linh! its great your trying to recover, its the best decision u will ever make honestly. I myself have had bulimia and anorexia since i was 13, and i am now 20. And healthy and happy and dont get the thoughts like i used to.
patients recovering from ana need at least 2000+ cals a day, but you shud try to pace ur meal times, and eat small amount regularly, which reduces bloating and give it a few weeks. by that time, ur stomach will get used to the food, and slowly expand. not get fat, EXPAND. because when u restrict for a long time, ur stomach shrinks.
binges are normal in recovery, its because ur body isnt used to food, all of a sudden it wants lots of it, because in essence ur body doesnt trust u. it think u might go and restrict again.
so the best thing to do is eat regularly, try to enjoy the food, enjoy teh flavour, and dont ever restrict, u will have bad days, and on those days u need to remind urself y u are in recovery. looking like a skleton isnt nice, girls arent supposed to be stick thin, so dont make urself ill and give ur body damage like loss of period and weak bones, as well as bad digestion, heart problems and feelong cold all the time
i had all those problems, buyt by recovering i reduced them all.
u can do it to!
thank you so much aliyah
you’re words really made me feel so much better about eating.
linh- ur welcome, im here to help. stay strong, beat ana
heeey guysss
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
sorry ive not been on this site in agees
my recovery is going well atm
i mean im going out more, i can eat around people more i mean i am still trying forbiden foods but it is a progress, i went out for a chinese for my friends birthday last night, i am still very weary what i order and i didnt fell that comfortable tbh but i didnt let it show obv coz it was my friends birthday. I think because atm i feel i am just about better i feel i dont need a food plan and some of the time i miss stuff out like im kinda ment to have 2 snacks i think but i only have one and still dont finish meals really :/ and i still count calories for stuff and i am finding it really difficult to become comfortable with eating butter but i guess it is a progress
the good thing is atm i am kinda seeing a guy, i mean i think he knows about my ed because obv people found it noticeable but we havent talked about it :/
but you know what it lovely he started talking and getting to know me first, its like guys now actually kinda look at me as if i dunno im nice ot look at, for months and months i never had that and i think thats improved my confidence so much. And he always wants to spend time with me which is lovely
just to say to everyone recovery it is such a rolercoaster i am not fully there yet but im nearly at the end and when you get near the end you realise how much happier you are most of the time, i mean i went through periods when i would try to self harm becsaue i hated everything, i would cry i wouldnt go out. but see if you block out ana and dont listen to her you will get back to having the freedom you always wanted
i sometimes get scared of loosing ana and i know i shouldnt :/
but i know when i try and think rationally i need to push through that
keep going everyone
Hi guys! sorry I haven’t been on in a while, sooooo busy with school. Yay junior year! not really, i have so much homework but i really like all my classes and my sheduale is good.
Um im not eating lunch at school, i always throw it out in the morning or after school but I am eating my snack at the nurse (mostly cause she watches me like a hawk!!!!)
Um im joining GSA which should be fun because i even have some friends who are coming to the meeting to support me and I asked a guy that i kinda liked out and he gave me his number but he canceled our date on sunday cause he had to babysit at teh last minute but hes takign me to a movie this saterda instead, yay!
I’ve been feelign super weak latley though, and just really tired, ive lost weight, i even had the nurse weigh me like 10 days ago and i was down to 93 pounds, i lost 3 pounds! and i couldn’t help but to feel proud even though i know thats really bad especially since i have a weigh in this thursday and i think i lost more wieght.
I mean, i know i’ve been restricting, but its so much easier to eat a little than to eat alot, i hate the feelings afterwards, it never get better
So hang on everyone, and wish me luck *_*
I’m getting really worried again
I have just been continuing to binge all the time. even when i’m full I just keep eating.
will I ever stop =( or will I become a binge eater for life. I’m so scared I’ll go from under weight to obese now.
and my weight has been increasing so rapidly
I’m getting really worried. I’ve read that its only water weight.. but I’m not so sure. I’m scared that this is permanent weight.
well done nicola! im so happy for you, hang in there and keep going. thers lots of bad moments in recovery, but soo many good ones! its definetly better to loook healthier , ratehr than really skinny!
linh- dont worry, bingeing is normal in recoverys, its a phase in recvoery and its not bad. its because ue body is getting used to the food and needs a lot of it, to repair the body. give in to the cravings for now and it will go away. just make sure u are eating regularly during the day, because if ur not eating much in the day , it will cause u to binge at night also.
x
OMFG i’m freaking pissed right now. my parents got me transferred from a medical ward to a specialised ward in another hospital the day before. and they told me like 2 hours before i was put on an ambulance. wtf they didn’t even ask or tell me. wth they’re not even the ones who have to go through hell. who the heck finishes meals on 45mins?!
AND I JUST FUCKING ATE FRIED FOOD FOR DINNER FOR ONE WHOLE FUCKING WEEK IN A ROW!!! if i have to gain weight i should gain healthily, not by eating fried food. even normal ppl don’t eat fried food for dinner everyday. my fucking parents said its ok when they don’t even eat fried food themselves. what the shit. isn’t it like common sense that fried food is totally not healthy.all the weight that i’m gaining is like coming from oil and fats what the shit.
and i don;t like being in an ED ward. i mean, the nurses and ppl are nice, but everyone;s so skinny. i’m like not the skinnest anymore. i can’t stop comparing and i want to be the skinniest. wth now i’m like the fattest here. OMG I WANT TO BE SKINNY!!!!!! i seriously gotta get out of here!
take a deep breath tong, remember that being skinny doesnt solve anything
as for the fried food, ur parents just want u to gain weight, of course u need to eat healthily also but at ur weight u can afford to eat unhealthily. you have toi make urself better, so u can get out of there, so u can ive your life. dont let it be controlled by ana,
I’m so stressed I’m packing on weight so fast
and it’s all going to my stomach and thighs
i feel so gross
is 2000 calories really what a normal person eats
Tong I know how hard it is! But eating fried foods for dinner is not UNhealthy! For someone whos extremely underweight, its actually really healthy. Its what you body needs. You need fat. It not as if your eating fried food and junk all day everyday. One meal is fine. What sort of things have you been eating? Once you gain a bit, you can start to have more control over what you eat. But right now just think about it as medicine. Most people do get told to avoid fried fatty foods, because they are overweight or they eat far too much of it. But its ok if you have a balanced diet. You should ask if you can introduce essential fats into your diet. Like oily fish, and olive oil, nuts like brazils and almonds. Totally HEALTHY fats! Good luck hun, I hope you overcome this and get out soon. The stage your at now is still dangerous, and your not thinking straight. You just have to overcome your fear of gaining, and accept that being a healthy weight is necessary and natural and skinny isn’t.
Linh- yeah most people eat 2000 cals, some eat more. I totally understand how you feel, I felt o disgusting when I started gaining, but it does decrease after a while. Its just because your not used to it. Maybe not for everyone, but for me I’ve been a healthy weight for ages, and I’m still not comfortable with my weight. I feel gross a lot still(not always, but most of the time). But, the thing that i’ve managed to do, is overcome it. I’ve learned that I don’t have to react to those thoughts. I may never be happy with my body, but that doesn’t mean I have to let it ruin me. I’m strong enough to ignore it and I’m learning to accept myself. I believe your strong enough too.
Haven’t posted in a while, but I hope everyone’s ok. I’m doing great, although I still have my sulky moments. A huge problem for me at the moment is, (I think)I have IBS, which is problemativ when it comes to eating. Certain foods seem to aggrivate my digestion and cause chronic pain and discomfort. But I can’t distinguish what foods, which starts to put me oof eating all together. May I add, I never had this before my ED. As soon as I started to recover, it began. I thought it would go away, but it hasn’t. I’ve probably damaged my digestive system with undereating. Damn anorexiaa!! .. Has anyone else experienced this? xxx
linh- like kayla said, 2000 cals is what a normal person eats. ino it may feel like ur gaining loads of weight and ”getting fat” but your not. you percieve ur body differently, than to what it actually is. trust ur body urges, eat well and regulary and keep it up. u need ot nourish ur mind, and when u do that, you will in time feel better.
kayla- aw thats a shame
i havent experiences it, you probably dont have enough fibre, so you should increase that with some sort of fibre shakes, and drink lots of water. maybe u shud go to a doctor, to see if u have any allergies or intolerances, in which case there may be certain foods u need to avoid, which in turn means u can feel better!:)
Thanks Aliyah. Yeah I have been to the docs. I have tablets to stop the spasms and pain. But thats really only a short term fix. I want to sort it for good!! And its soo hard to distinguish what foods are causing it. At first I tried to add more fibre, but then realised that too much wholegrains were aggrivating it. So I tried less, but then that meant white bread and less raw fruit and stuff, which helped with the pain, but caused me to bloat. I’ve tried cutting out bread all together. tried cutting out milk. I can’t figure it out. Sometimes I can eat anything and its not that bad, other times I can’t. I know I can’t eat too much raw stuff. Like apples, cucumber etc… or drink coffee. When I’m stressed it gets worse too. I’ve researched it and its sooo common. About 25% of the UK have it! …
Anyway, hope your all ok x
Awww that such a shame kayla! i think you should just keep trying different foods and taking out different things, until you know what doesnt cause u to bloat or doesnt cause pain. Just stick with it
hope u get better soon! im all good thanks, back to uni. hard work begins again! x
Hi All,
It’s been forever since I have been on this site, I see Aliyah still gives great advice.. glad Tracie is doing ok.. where’s Nature?
My son Matthew graduated.. and now I have Michael left this year.. however for some reason I have been struggling more than ever. My weight is lower than it’s ever been. They are checking my liver enzymes .. I have never felt so physically lousy. Yet why do I continue? I don’t have the answer. I just feel soooo alone at times. Then the disconnect and depression sets in. I have one more son to see graduate. Yet I fear with all of these heart palpitations that my body grows tired of this fight as do I.
After Ihad the hip surgery my main goal was to get back to running. Now that I am able .. I don’t have the stamina or drive. I am usually outgoing and quick to laugh with a joke ..but am slowly losing myself again.
A simple question was posed to me recently ..one I couldn’t answer..”What am I waiting for?”
I guess I just want to be content with who I am.
Yet that push/pull of success/failure everytime I eat continues… when will it end.. or will it?
I don’t want to end up with permanent damage to my body or worse..a heart attack .. this disease is the hardest challenge I have yet to conquer. I am scared to death.
I sure could use your support ..
Laurie
hey laurie! the less you eat , the more obsessive teh mind becomes, the more you want to restrict, I think you should set yourself a meal plan, eat it , eat breakfast lunch and dinner with a snack and write down why u are getting better and why you want to.
Guys I myself am struggling. Not with food, but I have broke up with my bf of 3 and a half years, well we are on a long break. who knows whats going to happen with us. anyone have any advice or tips they could share with me?
Hi
I’m new here but not exactly new to anorexia =/ I’m 19 years old and am a sophomore in college. I started loosing a little weight last July unintentionally. Once I realized I was losing, I became OBSESSED with it. Weighing maybe 5 times a day, eating sometime 800 cals a day or maybe 300. I counted every calorie, even my gum! I was around 130 and dropped to 103 in 5 months then eventually to 98 lbs which was my lowest. I was losing globs of hair! I was always freezing. I felt horrible but I loved seeing the numbers go down. ANYWAYS, I went through the binging stage, then back to restricting and then just decided to eat normal! The weight never really packed on but I’ve gone up to about 108 and then back down. It keeps fluctuating and I’ve been trying to eat like a normal person for the last 4 months. I eat breakfast lunch dinner and I’m no longer scared of foods. I weighed myself the other day and was only 101! I’ve been eating semi healthy but have added ice cream, burgers and fries, i had chick fil a breakfast the other morning and even taco bell this week! I just don’t see the weight coming on? I’m seeing a nutritionist this next week but the thing is I don’t want to be on a meal plan , counting calories again. I don’t want to be weighed all the time because I’ve gotten away from scales for months. I’ve noticed my appetite is huge right now and I eat 3 meals plus 2 snacks a day.. usually nuts and I always have peanut butter! I’ve managed to gain a pound in a week on my own but I’m not sure if I should deal with a nutritionist or not. I can finally sense hunger/fullness because I’ve learned intuitive eating and do NOT restrict anymore. I eat a little of everything and I’m scared a nutritionist will make me follow a very specific plan and worry about calories!
Kaelynn, well donee, I’m soo proud of you! You’ve done so well on your own. In my opinion I dont think seeing a nutritionist will help. Unless you feel you need to. But as long as your eating everything you need. Carbs protein and fats! Fruit n veggies for all ur vitamins and dairy for your bones. A good balance of everything. And make sure you dont go any longer than 5 hours without eating. It sounds like your doing everything right, it’ll just take yourbody a while to restore itself. Maybe you just need bigger portions? And you could try asking your doctor for meal supplements (like fortisips), I had to have one everyday during recovery on top of what I was eating. Do simple changes like drink fruit juice or milk instead of water. If you snack on fruit, have something else with it, like a piece of cheese. Or have a biscuit or crisps instead, sounds unhealthy, but not at all! I’ve learned that everythings healthy in moderation xx
HI everyone, old and new!
Then fall came and I got super busy again and I just bought a brand new laptop! I just saw a changetherapy email and decided, heck why not read it I actually have downtime right now.
I’m Melissa, I used to come on here often, and then summer came and I got too wrapped in stuff and my laptop broke.
Aliyah, I am so sorry to hear about your bf, I remember how close you used to be and how happy he made you. I f you don’t mid my asking, what made you 2 go on a break?( Side note- Every time i hear break I picture Ross and Rachel from Friends
) While you are on the break, I suggest not thinking about him and spend time with gal pals or just reflecting on your own. See if you want to be alone for a while or really need him back in your life, as a bf or even a great friend.
Oh yes, I forgot to mention I got my period back last month!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It has been over 4 years, so I was relieved. This month I might not get it because I had a few wild nights of partying- ooooops. Also, I got even busier with school and work and skipped meals- uh-oh. Have to watch that!!!!!! grrr
hey melissa- nice to hear from you! well done on your period! that is great news. Keep it up, but dont skip meals. Its so easy to fall into a habit or routine of skipping them. stay strong, make sure u eat no matter what. the last thing u want to do is reverse the process.
well he wanted to go on a break cause he said his feelings have changed, and he needs time to sort his life out cause he feels really unhappy. i didnt want a break, but the fact we might get back together is what is keeping me going:( im going to try and keep busy, got uni and work and spending time with my friends I guess. Just wnat him back in my life
for the past week, i haven’t been able to get out of bed, not even allowed to go to the dining area without a wheelchair ‘cos i lost some weight aft they mae ome dietary changes. some ridiculous. i’m not like going to faint or die any moment, in fact i can (and should) go for a run. it’s been 3 months since i last exercised, i bet all my muscles are now jelly. i was actually happy with my calf muscles, but now they’rejust lipids.
AND I GAINED A FREAKING 1.5KG IN 3DAYS! no, its not water weight or whatever bullshit, it real jelly fats!!! and my tummy area (just underneath the belly) is huge i look like i’m pregnant. and the docs actually say its good progress. eat sleep get fat die
hi everybody!
im sorry i havent been on here in a while cuz ive been so busy
ive just finished some fall camping, and ALL we eat are rations these super high calorie things that are over 1500 cals per meal and noone seems to care except for me.
today i ate 2 of those and than soup with a roll and 2 wraps, an apple, and a huge bowl of granola and a glass of milk.!!! thats a million calories.
i feel so fat and full, but i still wanna eat.
i want these anorexic thoughts again:(
they said i would be able to stop eating after i started:(!!! they lied:(
ok, so tong calm down. you can do this! if i could dedicate my life to one thing it would be travelling the world and trying to help people from feeling these thoughs that ive felt. i dont want anyone too know the pain ive felt:(
but pay attention to me! you are sick. you can see this ‘fat’ that is NOT there. we are warped. if they wont allow you to move at all, than you REALLY have to conserve your calories.
i know this might be a little creepy…but im gonna pray for you tonight, tong.
i know you can do this. i believe in you
hey aliza:D thanks for the quick reply. i get these cravings too but i can’t actually eat them cos they monitor what we eat and we’re not alllowed to have extras. i didn;t even have a cake for my birthday><
i saw the docs again and they were mainly talking bullshit abt how i was doing good and completing my meals ad stuff. that's sooo ike rubbing salt on my wounds. but they said something like: is this how you feel, or is it ED who's making you feel like this? hmmm that;s smething to think about… thanks aliza for praying for me. BREAKFAST HERE I COME~
tong- aliza is right! you need to fight, the start is the hardest but food is you medicine. you need to be stronger than ana. you will FEEl like you have gained lots and your bodies, changed but the perception isnt flawed and faulty. right now you cant trust your thoughts. you need to eat well, and this is the only escpae to get rid of ana once and for all.
aliza- aliza it isnt a million calroies, your body eneds it all. think of how much you deprived your body then remember that your body needs to learn to trust you. you will have periods where you eat a lot, but when and if your weight is stable and healthu, it’ll stay like that trust me. I eat loads of some days and not as much on some. last night for example i had dinner, went to a friends house, had some kebab, then 2 donuts, some crisps and some sweets! i didnt feel fat or horrioble. i can eat it if i want! my body wants it. you should feel the same
i feel so lazy:(
i run everyday, and i love it.
but im doing a fitness test in december and im sooo nervous.. i need to start training for it, but im so weak and tired all the time even though i eat over the appropriate amount. its may be depression, but im doing so much better, im so much more happy.
i need to start working out, but ive lost that willpower that ana once gave me:(
they told me i wouldnt get lazy
Hey aliza:D think of it this way: ana didn’t let you enjoy exercising, it forced you to exercise. now, you should focus on really enjoying the training and letting yourself relax when doing it!
i’m seriously stressed>< got weighed a few days ago and hit a new high: 36.3KG!! freak out! i ended up crying for a few hours over it and felt really stupid. oh my gosh i feel sooooo disgusted at myself evrytime i look at the mirror. my hipbones and backbones are like disappearing:(i don't know about any of you, but seeing my bones make me relieved cos it means that i'm still skinny, and i can't help but wrap my fingers around my arm to check that it hasn't grown any fatter.
right now, i'm eating like 2000kcals worth of snacks and supplemets on top of the three main meals. thats like 4000+ cals!!!i know i shouldn't count calories, but seriously its so stressful. it's not that i can't eat, but eating leaves me feeling so gross and disappointed with myself. a few days ago it got so bad that i was to self harm but they took away all the "dangerous" objects, so i ended up scratching myself like crazy.
my emotions are really wrecked now, sometimes its super good(like when in therapy) and later it gets super bad, its like a rollercoaster. and i hate the dietician. she doesn't listen to what i say, claiming that its all ED talking to her. like what the shit.plus my tummy sticks out, like there's a buldge under the belly button. itsso embarrassing cos its so obvious, and it doesn't help that i'm consipated right now. wth! how long does it takefor the weight to redistribute?
take care everyone! try to stay strong
Hey everyone! My best friend has an eating disorder. I love her with all of my heart and I never know what to say to help her feel better. If someone could tell you exactly what you want to hear that would help you feel better what would it be? Before she had her eating disorder she was a perfect weight and now she is very very skinny. She is gorgeous as can be and I wish that I could tell her that and she would believe me! I keep googling what do you say to your friend to help her when she has an eating disorder? and It just keeps telling me what not to say. Please help:)
hey everyone! I hope you are alll well. sorry i havent been on in ages, been really busy. got a lot of stuff going on.
just all of you, stay strong, keep eating and winning this battle. you can all do it. life without ana and everything associated with it is so much better.
nicole- its very hard to talk to people with ed’s. very hard. the best thing to do, is to be there for her, when she may want to open up and talk, and try to encourage her to eat in subtle ways. like say, why dont you pick somewhere and we can go for a meal there.
dont comment on their food intake too much, or watch her when she eats and you could maybe show her a sight about anorexia and all its downsides, just to show her the damage she is doing. your being a great friend, but dont feel totally responsible, anorexia is a very isolating illness.
WHY THE FUCK DOES GOD HATE ME!!!???
i made it over a year and was gdoing good until i gained 5 more pounds, became addicted to foods, cant stop eating when im full!!!??:((((
AND NOW I LOST MY IPOD:(
the only 2 resources i have that are keeping me sain and from cutting and shit is my music and running. is god trying to cut off my resources to see how far i can go before fucking hanging myself.
god! fuck, and im doing worse in my school work, i used to ALWAYS be top in my grade, now im third, and the worst part is, i hate the 2 people that are ahead of me. one of them totally betrayed me!! i fucking hate life!
i need my ipod:( i cant sleep!!:(
hey everybody!
I am new to this site and I am in the recover process of my eating disorder… I am at a pretty healthy body weight right no however everyday is a constant struggle. I still go back to bad habbits ever so often and everyday i spit out my food… that sounds really gross and i apologize SO much for sharing that all with you… but i just can’t help it there is something in the back of my mind telling me i have to be skinny! ahhh it’s like taking over my mind and i don’t want to live like this anymore this disorder has taken over my life since freshman year of high school and i am a freshman now in college!
hey megan- firstly well done on getting to an ideal weight. i can assure you know, being healthy andhappy is the best way to be. looking like a stick is not attractive and it is so unatural and unhealthy.
I am recovered- from anorexia and bulimia, sinze i was 14 and i am now 20. it isnt easy, bad days will always come, but on the good days make them extra good! smile, go out, get your hair done, give yourself a boost in other ways.
eating disorders are vrery emotional, so i think letting ur feelings out on this site is a good idea, and also just to realise u are not alone. i used to spit out food, its normal in eating disorders. but just think of all the starving peiople in the world, who would give naything for food. so cherish what you have, and remember all anorexic thoughts are lies. ‘ you will not get fat from eating a slice of cake’.
aliza- take a deep breath. your just having a bad week. its normal. everyone in the world gets days like that. just remmeber u are not perfect, no one is, your allowed to make mistakes and have bad days. dont be so hard on urself.
did u find your ipod? and 5 pounds? thats nothing. no one would notive that much .
i gained about 10 pounds in the last few months, but i dont care, i prefer looking this way
Hi, I kind of stumbled on this web page by accident and thought I’d leave a post. I just need a place to be honest and I hope nothing is trigger for anyone.
I have struggled with an eating disorder since the start of high school and now I am getting ready to graduate from college. I spent about a year seeing a counselor and a nutritionist my junior year in college. for the most part, my weight is back where it should be but I think I feel more stuck then ever. My diet is still pretty restrictive and I hate the way I look more then I did in high school. I hate having to buy size 1′s or 2′s. It is not just about the weight anymore either. My latest obsession is with my body fat %. Being stressed about work and graduation and classes lately has not helped the situation any. I don’t know how much longer I can keep doing this crazy crap. cause that is what this all is…and I know that but I still refuse to let go. I just want to wake up tomorrow morning and not know what a calorie is.
Neko- Hi . i know how you feel. I suffered eating disorders since the age of 13/14 and i am now 20 . recovery is the best option trust me. obsessiosn fade away slowly. i dont count cals, or worry about my weight now and enjoy food.
if you restrict, or have days you dont eat right, your mind is still not getting enough nutrients, and you will be obsessive. as you eat well, and regularly and conistsently, your weight stabilises and stays at a set point. as well as this, as you get on with life, keep busy, your mind will slowly rid of these obsessions.
often the thoughts take longer than the regain of weight, so just stick there and dont give up yet! just keep miotivated remember why you are in recovery and why you are doing this- you dont want an early death do you? or to be infertile? or to be unhappy forver? or to be obsesive forever? no, you dont, so only you can take the steps to ensure health
I’ve been stuck in this same place for too long now. I’ve recovered physically. I dont obsess with food. I dont count calories. I never undereat. I dont over exercise. But I’m still not happy. I tried to tell myself I’m happy as I am and that I’ve accepted my body as it is. But I hate it. I’m disgusted everytime I look in the mirror. I’m mad at everyone and myself for gaining so much weight. I hate it. I try to get on with things but no matter what I do I just hear FAT in the back of my head.
But ther are times when I’m so low I dont actually care how fat I am anymore. Its like nothing matters. If I’m thin, I’ll be miserable. If I’m fat I’ll be miserable. I hate who I am. I can’t handle this life anymore. But I cant change my mindset. I’ve tried for so long.
Too many years, too many tears.
Sorry if I’ve made anyone feel miserable. I tend to do that a lot. My bf is the only person I tell how I feel. But I feel bad for putting all this on him all the time so I’m just pouring out on here instead. To be honest, if he wasn’t ther for me, I probably wouldn’t be here right now. So if anyone else feels down. Talk to someone, it really does help.
I hope I can be happy one day.
Hope your all doing better than I am. xx
Thanks Aliyah:)
Hi Kayla,
Please know that you are not alone in the world of stuck. Sometimes it helps me to remember that good days still exist. Lately my good days have been few and far between but it makes them valuable. One of the last enjoyable days I had was art gallery hopping with a friend downtown. One of the exhibits gave a way little buttons instead of a ticket or something like that. I kept it and used it as a charm on a necklace to remind myself that good days still exist.
I hope you have a sincerely good day very soon:)
Thanks Neko. Aw thats a nice idea.
I can’t remember the last time I had a genuine good day. I have a brilliant life too. If anyone else was in my shoes they’d probably be so happy. But nothing seems to matter to me anymore. Things did get better for a while when I first gained weight. But then I just went overboard. I am a “healthy weight”, but I dont care. I can’t take it anymore. I’ve been trying for so long to lose some weight, but it just wont budge noww! Its so frustrating xx
xx
aw kayla, its really not like that. i do know how u feel, but i honestly dont feel miserable in terms of my body image. you just need to focus on what you like about urself. i mean from what i know, you have a wicked sense of humor, great style and you do your make up amazing, plus your so creative. so many people dont have that, that shoul dbe an instant boost! think about that, each day even just for a moment then smile and get on with your day
hello, im really glad i found this site i need someone to talk to who understands why i do this and who wont make me stop. im at rock bottom of my anorexia. I havent had any calories the past 3 days. when i do eat it is a salad or apples or anyother negative calarie foods. i cant sleep anymore because im so hungry i tried to make myself eat last night but as soon as i put my tounge on the food i threw it away, i couldn’t eat it. i almost fainted today in fitness class. but im losing so much weight it feels amazing im at 103 on the dot right now. id really like to be 90 im really good at hidding my problem which i know is a problem but i dont want to stop. i really love ana… it that bad? anyway i hope to recover one day but i want to lose more before i do. another thing is that i chew and spit out my food alot. and i also would like to throw up my food when i give in but every time i try i gag not throw up, how do i make it acually come up? please help i hate myself when i eat and i would really like to be able to do this
read headed step child-
awk i hate to find more people who are being swallowed by this illness. But we dont encourage it on here. We all here to support each other through recovery. Which I asure you is the best option to take NOW. Don’t leave it any longer.
Firstly nearly fainting is a bad sign. Secondly, you think you love ana, but thats just because she tricks your mind. She’ll eventually just kill you. Also, your not throwing up because it isn’t natural. Your body doesn’t want to get rid of the food you eat, because its full of goodness and nutrition. Dont do this to yourself. Its not worth it. You can’t just decide to recover when your happy, it isn’t that easy. It takes over your mind.
.. On a good note. I had a good day today..
Although I do feel terrible because i just ate 2 slices of toast and a chocolate biscuit. (Its 11 at night where I am). I always end up eating before bed!! I’ll never losee this flab!! Stupid ED fucked everything up! I never had all this cellulite and flub before I lost weight! annoyed! x
Hi people…
I’m really sorry I haven’t been on in such a long time – I still read through your posts =) I’ve just been so busy with Un i lately that I haven’t had the time to really comment or update =(
Right, so. I got to Uni about 4 weeks ago, and I thought I was doing really well. I stopped counting calories =D it’s such a huge relief not to be constantly counting, I feel as though a massive weight has been lifted from me, and I was having a bigger lunch, which used to upset me. I wasn’t upset about these things, I didn’t have that “Ana voice” in my head telling me to lose weight or anything. It was great =)
But then, a funny thing happened. I just started restricting, but without realising. My portions were really tiny. My snacks at 11 and 5 disappeared. Because I’d stopped following my eating plan (I thought I could be more “normal” and just eat when I wanted), I subconsciously started restricting, and Ana crept back. Without me even noticing. I’ve lost some weight, which is worrying as I was only just maintaining a healthy BMI anyway =( I am now back in the unhealthy range.
So, as I’m writing this, I am finishing of a whopping 735 calorie salad. I can’t believe I have to regain my weight again. I have maintained a healthy one for so long, and I’m probably going to go through the stress of whether I think I’ll ever stop gaining again =( I know I never want to go above the weight I was before this happened.
But in spite of those fears, I know that as long as I regain the weight then eat how I was doing before I lost it, I’ll be fine. I just get scared still.
Redheaded step child – Kayla is right, this site is about recovery and we won’t give you tips about how to make yourself throw up. I really, really do understand how awful you can feel after eating, because I’ve felt like that too. As have all of us here. But you need to understand that the thoughts you have about food being bad are irrational and due to the illness that is Ana. She’s not your friend, and she WILL kill you if you don’t start fighting her. It’s better to start fighting A.S.A.P before she gets too much of a hold on you. Some people never find the strength to get rid of her, and they’re the ones who die, or live a very painful life because they have so many problems with their health. If you want support with recovery, that’s where we will gladly help you. I really hope you find the strength to fight. I’s a horrible, manipulative illness that is constantly creeping up on you when you don’t keep a check on it =(
lauren- its ok! dont worry yoyu get blips like that in recvoery. the main thing is that you REALISED it, and your aiming to regain it, rather than keep losing it
so just keep eating, snacks, and make sure you eat regularly, and stick to the 4 hour rule. eat something every 4 hours even if you dont feel hungry 
youll be back to a nice healthy beautiful weight in no time 
red headed child- everyone on this site is very supportive and will try to help you recover. no one is going to help you to throw up . its unhealthy dangerous plus it actually slowd your metabolism down/
you need to think properly now about why u want to recover, anorexia can lead to so many problems, infertility, bone damage, slow beating heart, coldness, hair falling out, hair on the body and kidney problems…. if you want top avoid all this its time to start recovery and to REgain back the weight you lost.
Oh yeah, thanks for the comment earlier aliyah. It was a boost.
And lauren. Aliyah’s right, at least you have noticed now what’s happened and your doing something about it. Keep it up xx
aliza be quick,
i love you all, and remeber that life is beautiful, just look at the sunrise, just look at the people surrounding you and you will realize that rescue is possible and life is short.
just look deep within yourself and find a strength that you never knew you had.
if you loook at a candle flicker.
at a full moon shine
at stars cluster.
listen to music flow
and wind blow.
let your senses guide you, let your mind go for just a second.
breathe in, let your demons out, breathe in everything that will aid you in recovery.
and always remember that someone is always thinking of you. i have a million thoughts a second, and youre in every one of them
youre all doing great, just keep pushing, keep loving. dont do it for your parents, boyfriend, girlfriend. do it for your soul, and the rest will come.
we can be free
we can live<3