This is a special new area for people who want to have a small, intimate place to discuss anorexia. It was born via the rather long comment section in an article here on this site about 10 activities that help with recovering from anorexia. I know there are other sites out there who are very good at helping people with anorexia talk to each other; Somethingfishy is the best example. I certainly don’t want to take away from sites like this; they’ve proven invaluable for people who are trying to overcome anorexia.
However, for those of you who want to stay here, I’d like to provide this space where you can talk.
Please be aware that this area is visible to anyone who cares to visit; if privacy is important to you, please use an alias.
This is a place of support and respect, a place for sharing your journey in recovering from anorexia. I will remove any comment that is disrespectful or unsupportive (and, of course, any and all spam).
So … go to it! And if you want to follow the conversation, please don’t forget to make sure you’re subscribing to the comments.
(Btw, if you’re interested to hear what has been written on this blog on anorexia so far, here is the list.)
Here are a few things you may want to start out with:
- Do you get enough support from people around you?
- How do you deal with the roller coaster of recovering from anorexia?
- Have you found a food plan that works for you?
- How do you feel with the feeling of self-loathing that sometimes come up?
- Do you have tips for finding (and staying with) the right therapist?
- How long have you been in recovery?
- What do you do when you can’t stop thinking about the food/weight?
PLEASE NOTE:
Due to the great success of this page, I have now created a new page on this site, to make the large comment/talk section a bit easier to manage. Please continue your discussion here.
(And another note: Any message on this page that seems even remotely like spam will be deleted. This is NOT a place to advertise.)
i feel like i should lose weight though…
i feel like im not good enough for people, and if people wont like me because of these scars, maybe being skinny will kinda balance it out.
i feel like being skinny, im good enough for others.
maybe if i just lose the weight that i gained this summer.
because i dont look scary skinny anymore. ive seen pictures of me at 98 pounds and i hate it, i look soooo much better now.
its really hard when i see everyone around having a good time with a bf, and im not.
maybe if i find someone to love, i can love me too.
i wish these scars would be gone, than i would have so much more confidence in my body in general</3
no aliza, thats all ana talking. if think about, dont like people because of their weight, do u like people purely on the basis of their weight and body? no, you dont. no one does. its just ana trying to get into ur mind and control u again. having a bf, doesnt solve anything, neither does losing weight. if u isolate urself, ur going to feel lonely. u need to hang with ur friends and talk to the people who love ( us).
dont do anymore damage to r body, look afterurself, treat your body like your friend, not your enemy.
so ive been doing pretty good the past couple days eating about 900 cals i weighed my self today for the 1st time in a while and im at 92 so i lost a few..i have mixed emotions about it a part of me is like “well if i already lost to this weight i should lose a few more” but then a big part wants to do better. this whole time i had the mind set that i was gaining and doing better but seeing i lost makes me think i should do more..ahhhh idk i know it probabl doesnt make much sense. today i ate cereal for breakfast a fruit salad for lunch with a yogurt and mixed vegs and some weird rice my mom made for dinner that feels like alot of food but idk my mid was not thinking right today.
i wanted to ask..do any of you have random triggers? like shows you would watch alot when you were deep in your ed and then you see them now and it triggers you like crazy? thats what happens to me..its weird i know..ver mind boggling how that works. of times of the year like fall..oh boy this time of the year is very triggering it seems like every fall and holiday season for the past couple yrs ive been waaaaay deep in my ed. songs can be pretty triggering too and just memories i have that i remember and dwell on ..triggering triggering triggering! i gueess its just a bad time of year..idk today was just blaaahhh. do any of yall have similar triggers or any at all?
oh and btw i was wondering what yalls meal plans were..and a meal plan that helps maintaing your weight like one that you feel safe with? if you could share thatd be awesome and id appreciate it alot! thanks girls yall are grrreat
hey becky! thats a shame abot the weight loss, and this is what i mean when i say food is ur medicine. as soon as u dont have enough,ana and obsession strikes. But im glad part of u wants ot get better, and u need to always listen to that part. so now u need to try and eat more. what u ate , is actually very little. u should add a snack or two inbetween meals. To gain one pound u need to eat an extra 500 cals a day on top of what u eat. i know it sounds alot , but if drink a milkshake or something that will help a lot.
yeah there are lots of triggers. for me, personally anytime i felt stressed or down, i would not eat. anytime i had an arguement with someone i would not eat. I didnt get triggered by songs or anything, but emotions controlled me. but now, when i get down i dont restrict. i overcame ana, and thats what u need to do. if a song triggers u, dont listen to it. or if u do, tell urself b4hand to eat normally after it.
you dontneed meal plan to maintain, so im just gna sggest that add some extra snacks to try and REgaini back what you lost.
good luck! reocvery and weight regain is the way foward!
Aliza I’m so glad you had a good time! But no, being skinny wont make people respect you more! Would you like one of your friends more just because they lost loads of weight?
And Becky, Aliyah’s right, that wasn’t a lot of food you ate, although it may have felt like it. And a meal plan is good for some people, but to be honest it didnt help me. It was good to get me started and into a routine of eating again. But after the initial weight gain and stuff I found that I had to just trust my myself to eat when I needed it. I found that the meal plan sort of kept the obsessive thinking around. Like I had to eat exactly what was on the plan which, although I was eating, still wasn’t a healthy relationship with food. If that makes sense. If you just use it as a base then it might help. I’ll tell you my plan anyway:
Breakfast: cereal with whole milk and toast and fruit juice.
Snack: pancake or crumpet or something like that. or full fat yogurt.
Lunch: sandwich( with protein filling, eg meat, cheese, pb ) plus glass whole milk.
Snack: choc biscuit
Dinner: carbs protein and veg. whole milk
Pudding: custard or rice pudding.
Supper: yogurt drink and toast.
Fruit can be an extra, but doesn’t count as a snack.
That was from the dietician. It was sooo hard at first, but I eventually got used to it, then once I gained, I could miss out snacks if I didn’t want them or whatever. And gradually jst started eating what I felt like. Oh, and I didnt just go straight into that plan, it was half that at first, but I had to drink a fortisip every day. And I had to have lots of dairy product, for my bones. Really important that you fit them in. x
GRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i’m back in the hospital again, for god knows how long. this is ridiculous, who the hell gets sent into the hospital 3 weeks aft being discharged?! this is stupid, really stupid. they’re giving me gaint sized meals. how awesome. i’m going to get fattened up again. i don;t need the hospital. I WANT TO GO HOME! oh, there’s something really weird: i weighed yesterday, it was 32.5kg, then i weighed today abt an hour aft lunch and it was 32.7kg then i weighed again abt 30 mins aft dinner (which was abt 3-4h aft lunch) and it was 33.1kg. how come it flactuates so fast???
Tong, so sorry you’re in hospital. But if your not gaining its expected. You are extremely underweight. You’re going to kill yourself if you carry on like this. And weight fluctuations are just water weight. And did you have clothes on when you weighed? That will obv have an effect. And 0.2kg is nothing extreme. Please fight through this. Get yourself out of the hospital and get better. Good luck x
tong – it flunctuatres so fast because ur body isnt used to food , and most of it is water weight. it might seem like a lot of food, and a lot of flunctation but its miniscule. I know u cant see it right now, but will in time. Stick to the food ur given, and treat it like ur medicine. u need to REgain the weight and get better. if you dont your always going to end up in the hospital and thats not nice is it?
we will all help and support you
i feel stupid. can;t believe i’m in this horrible place again. can’t believe i’m actually letting this happen to me, i’m just wasting my parent;s money by staying in the hospital. managed to get through 3 giant meals and a snack before the dietitian came to “discuss” my meal plan again. what a whole load of crap. i asked if margarine could be taken away from my snack (sandwhich) and she said no (i’ve always hated margarine, nothing to do with losing weight, they make me puke). i asked if i could choose to not have a different kind of milk and she said no (the milk they give is horrible, totally different from what i had the last time). i asked if my lunch could be a sandwich (something like subway/delifrance) instead of a large meal (like pasta and rice) and she said me. so i basically didn’t have a choice. why bother asking when you’re just going to say no to whatever i request? i told her i hated fried food and she gave me chicken chop WITH skin and fried potatoes. THIS IS BULLSHIT! can’t they at least try to make a meal plan that i’m ok with so i can follow it willingly? i’m in a seriously crappy mood
probably cos of diarrhea. had this hell of a stomach pains in the afternoon
oops*i meant choose to have a different kind of milk
Tong- i so understand why you feel so restricted and upset and angry . but they are doing this for ur benefit, because they cant tell what is ana and what is the real you speaking. any comments about food is gna be tough for them, they cant tell if its u or ana. u need to show them u can decide urself, and the only way is to eat the meal plan and food they give u and REgain someweight and motivate urself to get better.
if want freedom, theres only one way to get it! FREE URSELF FROM ANA.
Hey guys!
Haven’t been on in a LONG time (again), the site wouldn’t load for me, so even when I tried to comment, I couldn’t =(
So, exam results?
I got into my first Uni choice, Stafford, with B’s in Psychology and Drama and A C in English =)
Yay!
Anyone else got their results??
Anyway, just thought I’d share that with you. Not really related to food, but still, I hope you all don’t mind =)
x x
hey lauren
well done on uni!!!! what u going to study? well as u probably know im already at uni, going inti my 3rd year now, cant believe it! hehe
xx
hey haven’t been here for a few days, the internet here’a really slow… wow uni. that’s so far away~
so they upped my calories intake to 1800 yesterday. its so much! i was still losing weight though i was on 1500. why? haven’t been able to finish my meals and they made me drink some supplements for top up. it suckss. i swear i’m never drinking that thing ever again.
my parents didn’t come to visit, i guess they’re still angry>< ah well, but if they come they'll be repeating the same thing as everyone else. it'll be nice if someone can sit down and talk about something else for once. on the bright side: the internet's working! facebook, here i come~
hey tong- whats your facebook? Ill add ya
hope ur ok, ino it seems horribly hard but just think about ur future, u cant let ana take it away from you. you have to learn that u need at least 1500 cals a day and that you can eat a varied variety of foods 
hey everyone, im sorry i havent been on in a while:(
i sold some of my artwork at a local fair today. a family came that i made pretty good friends with. and we stared talking. apparently some people told them that i lost a ton of weight and i used to weigh 200 pounds…ouch.
i dont wanna be known as the girl who used to be fat and lost a ton of weight:(
i got questioned about my weight twice today. here are some quotes of what STRANGERS and people i havent seen in 2 years asked. : “How much have you lost?” and “How much did you and do you weigh!?”
even though these question suggest that im skinny, i feel soooo fat. no matter what people say i feel really fat, even though my mom says i get good deals on clothes cuz im small. im not. i take small medium and sometimes even LARGE!!
!!!
my aunt died, so im really stressed and down. not as depressed as everyone else, because i didnt really know her very much.
and on top of it all, its rained alll day so i cant run, and its gonna rain for the next 3 DAYS!! how am i supposed to not run for 3 day when i need to run??!!!
fuck my life:(
aliza- firstly well done on selling some art! way to go . secondly so sorry about your aunt
if you need to talk i am here, its never an easy time with a death inthe family.
thirdly- you are not fat, its all ana, ana is distorting your mind, its feeding u lies and u are believing them. its normal to take different clothe sizes because different shops tailor and make clothes differently, so that doesnt mean your fat.
peoples comments is further evidence ur not fat. i know your feelings are strongerm but feelings ar not facts. You havr to see pastthem, you know if you dont eat right u will damage ur body and if uexercise too much your bones will weaken.
Healthy and happy is what you should always aim for. boys like curvy feminine figures, it does look better. you dont want to look like a stick. no yuck, you want to look like aliza, the beautiful woman
also, can i just ask to anyone on this, do they feel media contributed to your eating problems, like seein skinny models in magazines and tv etc? ive been doing some research on it, quite interesting, would quite like to hear your views if possible
x
Yeah Aliyah. I think the media had an influence on me! Although I like to think I’m my own person and don’t follow trends or whatever, I think it sort of gets drummed into your head without you realising! Sinny models! Celebs weight loss and weight gain. Diets in every magazine! And not just the celeb culture! Like NHS, constant reminder of the bad effect of being overweight, fats bad for you, exercise more, cut down on this and that bla bla! But never reminders of the effect of underweight and not eating enough? Because, although EDs are in the mind and a way of dealing with things… for me it started of with wanting to get healthy, wanting to look better, be slim like the media says you should be. I never planned to go to far. It just became my savour when times where rough, made me feel good about myself, till it gradually took over and became anorexia.
Hope that helped xx
gosh that nurse is such a bitch. can’t she understand when i say i will eat later? its not like i will die if eat half an hour later. i just had breakfast and you want me to eat my snack?! urgh so annoying. staying in the hospital’s not a good idea at all. the doctors here are all so slim and tall and beautiful AND smart. perfect. and the patient in the next bed is so skinny. she dosn’t have people watching her eat all the time. gosh just leave me alone.
thanks kayla! yea i agree with you, i thought skinny meant happy and beautiful, and that fat was failure and horrible. The media should really sort out the skinny models and so on, its not good , and younger girls are becomiing more and more influenced by it. its sad.
tong- do u have facebook? if u do whats ur name? or email? i knw its not nice being in the hospital, and seeing everyone around u ‘ free ‘ and ‘skinny’ but u are so skinny, that is why u are there. they didnt put u in hospital for no reason, slim is nice, but skinny isnt nice, its gaunt, and unhealthy. you are at that stage, that is why u have to eat regyulary. once u do it, u an go and be free, eat what u want and when u want
u have to feed ru body though, not listen to anas lies.
Lauren that’s great
i’m so happy for you getting into your uni!
I got 3 Bs, History, french and english…only 6 marks off an A in history!! haha.
on the not so good side, the night before this I had faaaar too much to drink. Good night I suppose, but ended with me being sick lots and lots…silly alcohol hehe
x
rose- well done on the results! amazing! what u going on to do next?
ach everyone has nites out like that hehe xx
i havent really found that media has influenced me..more like my environment and surroundings. everyone in my community is skinny and happy, and i thought that if i was skinny, everything would just fall right into place and i would be able to deal with stuff. and my family was pressuring me to losing weight.
tong, i know being in the hospital is hard and ive always wondered why girls that were skinnier than me werent having to go through what everyone was putting me through. but everyone has their stories, and everyone is different. maybe she is bigger than she looks? maybe she has another mental problem?
and dont blame the nurses, they’re just trying to do their jobs. they want to make you better and happy, just like everyone else. just try your best, they wouldnt put you in there if you were healthy!!
imagine yourself in a worse situation, ive heard of people in really bad places. you get to see your family and have a laptop or computer. some people have it worse than that in the hospital.
and for the skinny nurses and doctors, ive also noticed that both of my doctors are really skinny and smart, they look really lanky and underweight.
did anyone else notice this??
tong hang in there i know how much that hospital stay can suck but you just have to be positive and you’ll see that can make all the difference. just do as they say and be calm and whatnot..so you can get out of there.
well as for me this past week was so crazy and busy busy..im practicing at my ballet studio again so thats been every morning 8 am then i’ve had school just started back up last monday 3 classes a day so far AND on top of that ive been working extra hrs and didnt get a day off this wknd..PLUS i walk in a few shows in sep and oct so ive been seeing ppl and i got a couple fittings today im so stressed and tired mainly with school and what i eat..i’ve been trying to eat a bit more but i dont think ive done a good job this past week being so busy..my nutritionist said i should actually weigh myself every sunday to make sure im not losing and if i am to call her and she’ll tell me how much ineed to up the cals..cause ive actually lost about 8 pounds with out trying the past few weeks im at 89 lbs now and my doc is saying how he doesnt want me to have to be re admitted again and nor do i ! im eating a glennys fruit and nut bar right now they are 100 cals but very good for you..they also have glennys brownies, cookies, marshmellow crsps, vanilla treats, almond bars, all sorts of things. def check those out. anyway..im really going to try and up the cals this week cause things are finally starting to get better in different areas of my life id hate to end up back in inpatient…ii was actually curious about something..well for about 2 yrs now i get this very fine hair all over ( i know we all do) but even though ive put on weight i still have it..my hair is like golden so it barely shows but it just bugs me plus i dont want it there for my fashion shows or ballet stuff..how long does this last??
becky- that fine hair is a symptom of undernutrition and is due to not eating right. Its called languano, and it wont go until youve been at a healthy weight for a while, and it definetly wont go unless you eat enough, regain weight and keep your weight stable. just keep trying to eat and very regularly, especially as you are busy all the time, you cant ‘forget;’ to eat, food needs to be yournumber one priority.
i feel horrible:(
i feel fat and useless, even though its not affecting my eating, i know its still these ana thoughts.
its just that school is starting soon, and i feel like ive lost alll of my friends throughout this stupid disease. ive only kept good friends with 2 people, and theyre not at my school. so i feel like i have noone except for people really far away from me.
i dont have anyone:( i feel so alone. ive heard that everyone in my school hates me because ive acted so bitch the past year.
i feel so depressed again:(
i want to be free.
the suicidal thoughts are coming back..
fuck!! i wanna cut so bad.
i feel so alone, with noone by my side.
everyone is finding love and friendship and getting new beginnings and im left behind. i feel so empty and broken and alone.
i have noone, noone cares about me.
if i killed myself, there wouldnt be anyone there to shed tears, to be sad. they would get over it.
i mean nothing. i have noone.
i cant help to wonder why.
sometimes i think its because im fat, when those ana voices are strong.
but when theyre weak, and i see the truth in the mirror, i know its because i dont belong here, and noone wants me here.
aliza- we care about you! i understand how u can feel alone and like no one cares, its all ana talking. ana gets inside ur head, push her away!
dont cut, it only damages ur body, u need to look after urself
aliza you are NOT fat and most importantly you are NOT alone..i cant imagine going to highschool feeling that way like yoou have no friends but the year just started if you show a positive attitude around ppl im sure you’ll make friends in no time..i graduated a few years ago and trust me you’ll look back one day at how silly highschool and “clicks” really are..dont let ana try and pull you back, like thats the only control you will have or your “fat” ..dont even go there it only screws with your head that much more.
ok so i dont know what your religious views are or if you even have any but im going to share what helps me when i feel so alone at times…God because no matter what he is always there and listening. he loves you and only wants the best for you but he gives you these choices to make on your own. ppl always say if god really loves me or cares then why do bad things happen..well god doesnt control the choices you make he cant make those for you that you do on your own..but if you trust in him and pray he will make the choices you should make a bit more clear and easier. you’ll find yourself being more at peace and just feeling a sence of happiness..trust me!
and btw im not trying to force you to do that im just sharing from my experience ..its for you to either believe and put your faith in hi or not cause believe me he can change your life around for the BEST. but im not trying to force my religion on you or anything since i know its sorta a touchy subject..anyway yea thats all. and aliza if ever you need someone to talk to im always here i hate to think of you cutting or anything like that. your much too special for any of that..and beautiful so please dont.
i have my rough days too but learning to get through them the right way makes you stronger in the end..its not easy but one day youll look back and be greatful for all these lessons learned.
xoxoxo <3
becky- thats good advice. i do think, anorexia is a spiritual illness ina way. healing needs to be on the inside. its good u have faith, faith keeps u going. gives u perspective. u can beat ana
thanks you guys, that was beautiful! im not as religious as id like to be, and i try to turn to it when my faith is wearing thin. its a beautiful way to help you discover that there is more to life than what we lead.
sometimes are hard, but i just have to keep my head up.
i was starting to doubt so much, but i got my period and talked to some friends, and im feeling better.
its only reallllyyy light, but its still something.
thanks you guys, i love you all:)
yehhh! so glad u got ur period, even though its realy light. its a great positive sign, that u havent damaged ur body too much
keep it up.
yesss thats a good sign! yeah everyones faith wears thin now an then but whatever free time you have in the shower or before bed just say a little prayer even if your mad/sad/or whatever negative mood you may be in. im so glad your feeling a little better! its going to get better everyday i know it. we love you too <33
as for me today has been ehh not bad but not great just like going thru the motions, i have alot of days like that. my weight is back up to 92 and i still need to gain more which i want to but then i dont..but i know i will. im going on a date tmrrw night with some guy i met last week and im suuuuuper nervous! im normally pretty quiet, im more of an observer than talker so im sure knowing me ill make a goof out of myself at least once on it lol but im really excited it feels good to be able to look fwd to somthing like this again. and hes waaay waaay cute very handsome
i will def report back here after to let you guys know how it goes
xoxo
thanks you guys:) i cant believe how light that was, it lasted for about…5 hours and my tampon wasnt even half absorbed:P
awwe, becky thats adorible! guys are cute:) i hope it goes well! when i hae a nice night with a guy its always a good positive boost:)
i know what it means being scary, but you want to gain weight at the same time. you just have to tell yourself that its you that has to do this, noone else. its in your hands, your life, and you can only live it happily and healthily if you are healthy.
good luck:)
fuck! isnt it just great when people lie to you to your face and use what you know about eachother to make it seem like you can be closer. and than one simple move, and you know all the lies that youve never been the person she’s said youve been. just a fall back friend. not hers at all, just someone to have when noone else will be there for her. when she has so many people who love her, and than she decides that it doesnt matter who’s heart she breaks or who’s hopes she shatters for recovery, just as long as she feels happy and alive!!!!
fuck:(
i hate people”
noone ever says what they mean.
they do more damage than good
more hate than love.
i should just live in isolation
aw hun, we all know and meet people like that. its sad and a shame, but u cant let it get to u, u cant let it ruin u, and u cant let it make u think everyones like that.
there are always going to be people who truely do care about you, talk to them, and forget the people who make u feel bad. this is ur life, dont let it be ruined by one person.
Aliza, dont let one person get you down and ruin all your hardwork. You’ve come so far and you’ve been doing soo much better. You’re whole outlook was really positive. So dont fall back now. We all have wee bumps in life that get us down. I dont know the story, but maybe the person didn’t realise she hurt you? Or if she did, forget her. Find a better friend. Friends are important, don’t isolate yourself. But also, dont depend on others too much either. Be an independent women and love yourself. xxx
it’s been 2 weeks already. wtf. the day i’m dreading is finally here. i’m officially starting on a meal plan that’s over 2000kcals(i lost count) tmr. shit. i’m doomed
i just feel so alone.
tong, dont be affraid. youre surrounded by profesionals, people who know what theyre talking about. trust them, because they know what you need. your mind is warped by ana, its foggy and you cant think clearly. they wouldnt do this if you didnt need it.
youre doing a great job, keep it up:)
tong- see it as an achivement, 2000 is a normal amount, and some recovering ed patients are on like 3000+. so it could be more! stick to it, and get better. happy and healthier, u will feel it one day i know u will. then ull look back to this time and think , why did i ever think like that
aliza- its good to be dependant , and u have everyone on this site to rely on, yes we all reply at different times, but we ALWAYS comment back, always help and always comfort. im sure u have some friends? and naomi to go to when ur feeling down?
hey, thanks for the replies:D i don’t know what to do now. i can’t decide what to do, who to listen to. every time before a meal, i find myslf debating whether or not to eat. but its all the same. they’re going to make sure you gain weight. they control everything, it’s not like i have a say. don’t eat, drink the supplement, don’t drink the supplement, tube feeding. as simple as that. you don’t get a say and they don;t listen. everyone talks bullshit.
crap. i got a viral infection a few days back and now my weight dropped to even lower than admission. meaning that all the weight i gained in the last 2 weeks is lost. actually, i’m relieved. but it means staying here for longer time. grrrrrr.
ROAR!!!!!! don’t eat. eat. don’t eat. eat. don’t eat. eat. don’t eat. eat. i’m going crazy
tong- i know EXACTLY hw u feel. firslty im sorry to hear about the virus, i really hope u feel better soon. secondly, ana has taken control away from you, ana has controlled ur eating so much, so much so that now someone else has to tke control because u cant look after urself, u can feed ur body properly. its only temporary. REgain that weight, get better, get healthy, reduce the risks of all the hea;th problems, and start haing a better relationship with food. dont let ana take awya ur life.
for the meanwhile, eat what is given. thjere are so many people in the world staring, hungry desperate for food. appreciate the value of it
tong, dont let this get to you! youre better than this stupid disease, all of us are. look at others around you, eating food at will and not being obsessed with it. i used to think ‘how could they do that!?’ it bothered and disgused me that they didnt know how many calories they were eating. but than i started to envy them.
think of it this way, if you dont gain weight youre not going to get out of the hospital and back to your life. even if you werent in the hospital, you would still have to gain weight to feed your MIND out of these obsessions and thoughts! and if you dont gain weight, youre going to be majorly depressed and unhappy, and unsatisfied with your body forever. feed your body, and youll start to love it. it took me 4 months of feeding my body PROPERLY before i started to realize, ‘hey, im not that fat, in fact, i look healthy again’ yeah, i have a roll here and there. but its iddy bitty, and kinda cute:) i like it. i like feeling my stomach and being able to feel flesh, where it is supposed to be, not bones.
think about this, they WILL NOT feed you to an over weight weight. that is too much pressure on you mind. these people know what theyre doing, and you just have to have faith and trust them.
rescure is possible:)
recovery is beautiful
food is your medicine
you can do this, we all have faith in you.
when i see a bone-skinny person, it reminds me of what ive been through, and how unhealthy they are. i would rather grow and be a woman, and mature into a healthy, well functioning beeing, so i can spread my story and try and prevent others from going through the pain and suffering ive experineced.
youre doing a great job. just keep strength.
“i am on your side, when the wind and waves beat against your faith.
you are on my mind, when the world was made, trust in me my child, trust in me my child.
i have heard you cry, and it breaks my heart because i love you so.
and i have never lied, this is not the end, there is still a hope.”
i will show you love – kendall payne
good song
youre all doing great!
if anyone is reading this site, and wants to comment, please to so. we can help with questions.
I WANNA CHANGE THE WORLD! im never gonna make someone go through the pain ive felt.
you all deserve better than this. and you can beat this.
believe
xoxox
aliyah: thanks so much! aliza, that was SUPER inspiring! i was reading it and drinking fortijuce, it made it easier and stopped me from puking.
fuck i had 2 bottles of fortijuce for not eating dinner. that’s a freaking 600cals. more than a big mac or double quater pounder. wayy more then what my dinner was meant to be. that’s like 3 meals in one go! and i had to finish it in 10 mins. the nurses are bitches, they just want you to finish eating so that they can get their nice big fat pay checks. fuck them. i can’t trust them. i gained 2.5kg in 3 days. how can i trust them? i’m so tired of this. freaking out. freaking out. freaking out. freaking out. freaking out. i can’t see my backbone anymore. can’t see my hipbones. can’t see my ribcage. fuckfuckfuck. OMG supper. is.here. eat or not?
tong- its not nice to see your ribcage, that is emancipation, way to skinny. the less u see of your bones the better. if u can see them, your bones are weak.
also , u havent gained much at all. ino 2.5 kg sounds like a lot in 3 days, but most of it will be water weight, anf fluid. its not fat.
stay strong, you have to trust them, like aliza said they wouldnt feed you if u were overweight or fat. they are feeding you because u are dangerously thin, u may not be able to see it but its true. your going to get better , ana wont take anything away from you
dont let it, take it a day at a time x
ok, tong. im sitting here in this wooden chair, and running my hand from the under of my knee to my thye. i can feel the fat, the lumps of flab there, and now i cn imagine it. i see fat and bunches of it, a huge leg, the size of a mans torso. that s what i am picutring. now im going to look down.
its not what i imagined. yeah, there is a little bit, but its not as flabby as i pictured. but i do see the beautiful muscular calve underneath. and yeah, its scratched up a bit, a little embarrasing, but ill get passed that.
the point is, is that you might not like something about you body. noone loves their body compleatly, but noone hates it compleatly eithre. youre gonna find places that you like, and not like. but youll have to live with it.
also, remember that its all in your head.
you can beat this, and maybe try and eat normal food, so it will be easier when you leave the hospital. think about this: you could drink that juice stuff, for 600 calories. im guessing its doesnt taste the greastest, or that satisfying. or you could eat a bunch of food for 600 calories, as much as you can, for like 500 calories,, much more satifying and tastier.
ps, what you said about those nurses.. i can totally understand. i would love to become a nurse just for you, so that if i work with people suffering of this, i know i could make them feel better, and smile:)
hey beautiful ladies!
came across this video- thought it may make u smile, and keep u motivated
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ggb5KJlofcw
hope it works
tong i know what you mean about the nurses and how they can be pushy but thats just their job ..none the less its really annoying i know. glad to hear you getting better though ..just because your body is getting better doesnt mean your mind is yet. but at least your health is getting there.
so since ive been trying to recover ( its been about 2 or so months now) i find that i get this crazy anxiety like when i go out and stuff..and sometimes just right after i eat. i get all red and i feel my heart beating fast and just basically very anxious..i hate it. another thing i was thinking about the other day..i was in a class and anorexia actually came up as a topic and ppl were debating it and giving opinions and what they believe to be “facts” . i find it funny how little ppl know about anorexia..and how any misconceptions there are..its ridiculous. some ppl were saying how no matter how thin and emaciated the eating disorded person is they still think their fat so they keep on starving themselfs..and idk about any of you but for me that has never really been the case..i have never really looked at myself and thought “oh gross i look sooooo fat” ive always known im very skinny but i was just never able to eat..its like my mind wouldnt let me..even when id pray that id wake up and just be able to i just couldnt do it ..sounds so siple to other ppl but the psychology behind anorexia is something i think is soo deep its like never ending and its so mind boggling because it literally controlls you and your life..its like its your boss and your working for it full time..and your paycheck is looking on that scale seeing the numbers drop. only 10 or 15 yrs later that boss ends up screwing you over and stealing all your money..haha thats harsh but true. sooo anyway ive been crazy busy lately as usual..this fine hair on my body is still every where so that sucks..but other than that im still getting thru and pushing fwd. in really craving a peice of chocolate cake with some cookies and cream ice cream..but i know i wont do that. i havent had that combo in years…ahhhh soon i will get to that place. sure sounds yuuuummmy right now.
well yay for summer being over i love the holidays and x-mas and all that! lets have a good holiday season girls..and treat ourselfs to yummy desserts, we deserve it
hey becky- yeah i know how u feel, it cn be very hard to eat ‘fear foods’ and feel constant anxiety. but it does get less, i promise u that
u shud write a list of all the foods u are scared to eat then slowly attempt one at a time. u don’t to eat the whole desert, a few bites 
recovery is an emotional rollercoaser, take it a day a a time and smile, enjoy the food. remember how lucky u are to have food, appreciate it and try to eat the foods u enjoy and remeber recovery is about REgaining back teh weight you lost