This is a special new area for people who want to have a small, intimate place to discuss anorexia. It was born via the rather long comment section in an article here on this site about 10 activities that help with recovering from anorexia. I know there are other sites out there who are very good at helping people with anorexia talk to each other; Somethingfishy is the best example. I certainly don’t want to take away from sites like this; they’ve proven invaluable for people who are trying to overcome anorexia.
However, for those of you who want to stay here, I’d like to provide this space where you can talk.
Please be aware that this area is visible to anyone who cares to visit; if privacy is important to you, please use an alias.
This is a place of support and respect, a place for sharing your journey in recovering from anorexia. I will remove any comment that is disrespectful or unsupportive (and, of course, any and all spam).
So … go to it! And if you want to follow the conversation, please don’t forget to make sure you’re subscribing to the comments.
(Btw, if you’re interested to hear what has been written on this blog on anorexia so far, here is the list.)
Here are a few things you may want to start out with:
- Do you get enough support from people around you?
- How do you deal with the roller coaster of recovering from anorexia?
- Have you found a food plan that works for you?
- How do you feel with the feeling of self-loathing that sometimes come up?
- Do you have tips for finding (and staying with) the right therapist?
- How long have you been in recovery?
- What do you do when you can’t stop thinking about the food/weight?
PLEASE NOTE:
Due to the great success of this page, I have now created a new page on this site, to make the large comment/talk section a bit easier to manage. Please continue your discussion here.
(And another note: Any message on this page that seems even remotely like spam will be deleted. This is NOT a place to advertise.)
ilsa- dont look in the mirror, ur mind is still going to distort it, your perception is different from reality. Mines used to be, and i saw in time its soooo not true. what u see is honestly a lie, its because ur mind is tuned into looking too closely at the body and intrepreting wrongs. You got to challenge and change ur thoughts. Like for example if u feel ur stomach is ”huge” look at the size of clothes ur wearing, i bet its not big or is still similar to when u were thinner. it just shows u, u cant trust ur mind, but what u do have to trust is ur body. when ur body says ; im hungry’ ur mind mite say have somethng small and light, but u have to say no im gna feed ,my body good and eat something tasty!
good luck hun x
also guysit was my 2oth bday yesterday and i had a lovely day with cake and a quiet night in with the bf and family. Going out next weekend with my frends though
a few years ago i wud not have done that, and i want to thank u all on the site for the support over the years.
Also since it was my bday it wud mean a lot if you all woke up positive, ate reallywell and have a nice day. IGNORE any ana.
x
I HAVE NOT LOOKED AT MY TUMMY IN THE MIRROR FOR 2 DAYS!
i feel great : ) & aliyah, when you said look at my clothes sizes, i literally laughed out loud because you are soo right, its true.
happy birthday!
~~lunch time.
Happy Late Birthday Aliyah!
How does it feel being 20? Any different than 19? Just wondering because my 20th is coming up and I’m kinda nervous, ok a lot nervous. Since 20 does not end in “teen”. If you are ok with it I see no reason why I shouldn’t be. New chapter, and we are closer to graduating school!!! Soon there will be no more exams and no more studying, in 2 years. Then graduate school- yuck!
Aliza it is WONDERFUL to hear you are happy, finally a break from all the pain you went through. You are so strong for not obsessing on your stomach and battling the disorder thoughts and the depression. I think Anorexia can cause depression, since everyone who had anorexia seems to be depressed at some point.
Anyways, stay strong and keep fighting!!!!! You can do it!
ilsa – fab! great dont look at it and see i told u about sizes, its all in the mind it isnt true. so honestly just keep eating, your not anywhere near fat
Mellissa – thank u! yeah i was a bir nervous like god im growing up now, but the best way to look at it is its a new chapter, with no ed
and i dont really feel much different, just that life is going fast and its so short and i want to make the most of it. and yes of course its one step closer to graduating hehe.
whens ur big day?
keep eating and fighting xx
by the way anyone on tis have facebook? if u type in my email adress alfonzo_mango@hotmail.com u shud find me.
also none of my frends really know about this site and i dont talk to about my ED past on it so if we cud save that for the site that wud be great
lots love x
I love making new friends. I always have. Today i felt really really fat and i wanted soo bad to look in the mirror but i managed to only look at my tummy in my tank top. Then i read this comment aliyah, and laughed again. Thanks. : )
by the way, are you guys noticing how the plastic models in the department stores are getting bigger? I went shopping yesterday (with my f.a.t.h.e.r. who is actually better than my mother) He’s better now and flying back home soon. Anyways, I was looking at the plastic models who normally make me want to throw up and i realized that I’m skinnier than a lot of them. And today i was at CVS and i saw these magazine covers talking about weight loss and perfect bodies. they were ALL bigger than me. And im no longer tiiiiny. It was a cool feeling. Maybe people are starting to understand after all.
alfonzo mango? lol nice.
))))) that makes u exponentially cooler.
ilsa haah ino . its a longg story, its my old email address hehe. do search me if u have facebook. my profile pic is like me and im holding my little baby cousin
x
sorry i keep posting. I couldnt find u on facebook : (
find me!!: pajamas_2@hotmail.com
Oki added you, well i hope its you.Naomi Garcia? x
my mom hasnt eaten yet today. Its 4:00 PM. fuck my life. How can i recover from this ed if she doesnt even eat? its like she torments me. I know its not on purpose because ive seen her eat and she eats a lot of crap. But she’s sooo tiny and I cant go on living in this house where i have to be so tiny to make sure my mom isnt skinnier than me. she wears my effing clothing. I hate it soo much. I want to eat but i cant if shes just getting skinnier. She’s my mom shouldnt she be my role model? shouldnt she be trying to help me with this? I need to leave this house. Im going off to college in like 4 months. Thank God
im gonna try to hold on.
ilsa hun ino its hard but u cant compare sumone elses food to urs. i used to do this with my bf, n if he skiipped a meal or sumthing i wud too, n id be like y shud i eat then. but this is about ur body, n ur recovery n what ur body needs. ur body is the 1 thts suffered so regardless of ur mum, u must eat. also im sure ur mum will mke up for it, n compensate but with ana its harder for u too so just eat
is there a reason ur mum never ate?
i added u on fb, did u get my request?
I dont know. My mom used to be fat and then she got cancer and they had to give her a tummy tuck to put fat in her breasts for reconstructive surgery. needless to say, she lost a lot of weight. This was before ana though. Now she barely eats but when she does she doesnt seem like she has an ed at all. I think she just gets bored with eating. She pigs out on cookies and m&ms. its cute actually how much she loves butter and stuff. I think i just blow it all up in my mind : (
yess i got ur request. damn ur beautiful!! <3
i did the same with my bf too. id offer him a lot of food to to make up for it : (
hey. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
ilisa, you dont have to look at your tummy. the tummy butt and hips are the worst part for me. im so proud of you:) i totally understand about the whole mom thing. i get super jealous when i see people skinnier or as skinny or even just a little more overweight than me(i dont know whyy that last one makes me jealous). and it KILLS me that they can eat what ever the hell they want.
i went to badminton today. EVERY SINGLE FUCKING GIRL WAS SKINNY AS A STICK AND WEARING SPANDEX!!! i was sitting there with a huge pair of joggers and a huge sweater. i would wear shorts and a tshirt, I WANT TO SHOW OFF MY BODY THAT I WORKED SO HARD TO GET WHEN I FEEL CONFIDENT:( some times i like my body(rarely) but when i do i cant even wear what i want because these STUPID FUCKING SCARS ON MY LEGS AND ARMS.
someone wanted me to listen to a song today called”i think i should be emo”….it was a joke song..but still
it wasnt enough
I FEEL LIKE FUCKING SHIT, I WANT MY MIND TO SHUT UPPPP!!!!
i think i have a second degree burn. i had a break down, and i took the curling iron.
i love my friend soo much. she lets me call her when i want to cut, and she looked up stuff to destract me from cutting, and shes gonna help me write a letter to my parents about telling them about cutting.
i feel SOOOOO FATTT:(. why???? i seriously(NOT exagerating) have a fold of fat on my tummy, and im growing little tiny love handles. i getting close to 115 lbs. I dont want to be 115 lbs. i want to be back down to where i was:(
you guys said that i wouldnt get fat, and i am.!!:(
i want to stop feeellling like shit every second of my life.
its soooo not fair:( my friend told me that if i died, than she’d kill herself.:( UNFAIR!!!!!!!! i want to die.. but i cant if i killed someone else too.
ilisa, stay strong. if you dont keep strong, than how will anyone expect me to? youre strong and a fighter, dont look in that mirror, ive spent too long doing that.
<3 u all
ps……..:( i hate my life
if god loves people, shouldnt he have to kill me by now, because he would put other people out of their misery by haveing me around, and it would put me out of my misery
also. why cant i stop eating???!!! im stuffed and i stilll want to eat. depression? boredom? or anorexia traits.
ps. i dont eat when i get depressed. quite the opposite
and being depressed, i dont really get bored. and ive read that youve all had phases of eating alot. but i think im kinda past that. Im not hungry, i just want to eat.
PEOPLE ARE EATING MY GRANOLA BARS AND NUTS! I WANNA SLAP THEM!
HI everyone!!!
Ok so I went to the gym on campus today and met with a trainer. I found out my body fat is only 17.2, 18.9 is apparently normal. So he said not to loose any more fat or else that’s bad. A part of me was sad and bigger part was relieved. Relieved to know it is thin and can even increase body fat without being fat at all. So that was good.
Anyways, Aliyah my bday is June 26, summer birthday!!!! The best because all water parks are open and I looooooove rides and the wave pools!!!! I am sucha kid inside, which is why i am scared to grow up a little. But we all have to so oh well!!!!
Aliza- hunny what happened???? Please do not hurt yourself! Go running for a bit or scream if you feel stressed out and pissed or have a melt down. Now that scar will be there fro a while, the LAST thing you want is another scar. Remember, no breakdown is worth a lasting scar!
Ilisa- stay strong. Even when your mom sets a bad example. I am sorry to hear that your mom is not helping you, and its great you have only 4 months to college. Maybe your mom is under a lot of stress and not eating is how she deals with it. She probbably does not even think about how her skipping meals hurts you, as selfish as that sounds. Anyways, you can tell her not to wear your clothes, that she is your mother and that it really bothers you. She will listen, if not she may need parenting lessons. Lol.
Talk later, I have a yoga class now!
ilsa- yes it is hard, you need to try and see that u cant comapre urfood to others. but maybe try and mention this to ur mum? keep eating never restric , and take a step ok? and thanks, so are you!dont let ana take away anything
aliza- u are going thru a stage of just wanting to eat which is normal in recovery, and u have to let it happen and let ur body do its natural course. buy foods u like, and try to eat as much, and eat regularly or ull end up ”binging”.
i used to get possessive about food too! just try and keep a stash sumwhere in the hosue for urself, but remember u can always buy more, the food isnt going anywhere hun xx
melissa- yahh! see melissa ur not fat AT ALL, your not at the normal level, so you really can enjoy whatever food u want.maintain a nice healthy balance and i know ur gna feel better.
ooo a summer bday now that sounds fun!
do u have facebook?
x
so it’s 3 am and im still awake, anxious and panicking because in the last week things have gone completely the opposite of what i wanted. i have no control what-so-ever over my eating habits. i restrict when i need energy, i binge when im not even necessarily hungry, and i purge…well, wayy too much…ill just leave it at that. idk whats wrong with me!
overall i think my mindset is better than it used to be. i try to keep my thoughts and goals more rational but despite my efforts, things just fall apart on a daily basis.
i dont think most of you know who i am. i used to talk to aliyah a lot but that was quite a long time ago so i dont exactly expect u to remember me. but to sum up, im almost 17, lovvee dance, had a rough childhood, got sick fast from anorexia a few years ago and now, while im supposed to be “better”, it seems im actually having the most trouble with bulimia….(on top of some other issues-depression, anxiety, sudden trouble in school etc.) the chaos just never stops!
i have got to find a way out of this mess! and soon!
id love to hear from everyone and get to know the newer ppl i dont yet know! also, if anyone has some insight on dealing with bulimia that would be great(tho i do realize this is an anorexia recovery site). :S
ryanelle- oh my god! long time no speak! course i rememeber you. im sad to hear ur having a hard time with bulimia, but u still have come soooo far.
theres only one solution to bulimia, and thats to dtop the compensatory behaviours, that means no restricting, and purging becayse thats a horrible cycle that will give u mood swings and make u feel worse, then to alleviate the feelings you binge and purge again and so on. its never ending, so the only way to break it is to stop.
and the best way to do that is make a meal plan, regular food no restricting 3 meals a day with snacks, that will spee up ur metabolism, give u the energy u need, and will help with bingeing because u end up bineging when u restrict.
then purge, and then ull binge again. break the chain and challenge the thoughts, and after u eat stay away from wherever u throw up, for at leats 30 mins, then do something to take ur mind off food, write on this or watch sumthing funny on telly.
u can beat it i know u can x
Ryanelle- HI! i guess im the newest person: ) so yeah id love to get to know you too. I came here just in time. I knew i was falling fast into anorexia and I know i had an eating disorder. I came here when I couldnt take the obsessive weight loss thoughts in my mind. My BMI was just barely below healthy when I came. I came to the right place and im still trying to fight the obsession. IM much better tough : )
Ive only tried to throw up a few times and failed miserably. Thank God. My newest trick is to NOT under ANY circumstances look at my stomach in the mirror. It helps because I have nothing to compare to. I cant be upset about gaining because i dont know! Its kind of stupid but its all i have.
Rynelle- HI my name is Melissa, I’m sorta new on here, since like January or late December. I forget. I soooooo know how you feel about being stressed out. Just when you think you have everything done and are on top of all your work, more gets piled on top and youre behind all over again!!!! College is similar to high school, but much more studying is required. When I’m not studying Im working, so I feel your pain. Life does seem very hard and almost not worth the strife, BUT life IS worth it! The way I deal with my stress, I had bulima and anorexia and still get the urge to purge when I feel very stressed- LIKE NOW, is deep breathing and exercising to feel the endorphine rush I crave. Making lists also helps, as does writing out all your worries. Then they are right infront of you and you can challenge what your mind thinks is a big deal. My mind always makes my problems worse than they really are. Just remember to breath, and visit here more often!
Where are you from?
Aliyah- Yes I do have a facebook! I tried to search your email address but couldn’t find you.
my email address is melbewitched@yahoo.com if you want to try and find me!!!! 
I also don’t like posting things about my old ED on facebook, waaaaayyy to personal, lol. 
hey! im aliza. ive struggled with anorexia and a little bulemia.now, im just trying to fight basically everything that comes into my path right now, which seems like alot. i hope i cant help you in any way shape or form. or at least try.
my life basically sucks. and today was an extreamly bad day for me.:( i never want to eat again, and im about to go stuff my face. what a world i live in.
i would write more but im too tired. sorry
Hey I have facebook too!My name is Brighdin O’Neill
hey amy! ill add you, my names Aliyah Rehman and my profie pic is just a pic of me.
xx
Amy I just added you on face book, your soo pretty!!
My names Michaela x
I just added Aliyah and Melissa too !!
How are you all doing btw ? x
hey
sumary:
- today i was told that i can stop gaining weight
- makes me confused cuz im still at an unhealthy weight
- will they just make me gain it later.? is this like a break
- friends make me feel rejected, and unloved today
- feeling alone
- feeling stupid
- feeling depressed
ps. if anyone wants to add me…the name is Leah Bennett. you’ll know that you have the right one when you see the lovely profile picture of the ‘cheer’ from a box of cheerioes. (photography is supposed to let you get creative, so i took some random pics) you may wonder why my face isnt on there. its cause i didnt wanna make the world see that ugly face. instead they can look at a cereal box
on my profile. you can find pics of me back when i was a CHUBBY, HAPPY KID! now im a chubby, depressed kid.
hi aliza, i added u on fb. Its nice to actually put faces to all u guys here.
Aliza, i bet u have a beautiful face that u dont not give urself credit for. Never mind, we’ll all keep reminding you.
who told u to stop gaining weight? ur still iunderweight, so i suggest u just keep a stable level of food, even food so its balanced , not too little not too much. Itll help you maintain.
sadly the emotions and feelings are part of recovery, they do go away i used to feel like that all the time, and depression is part of anorexia so its a tough battle aliza but u are doing sooo well.
i know u feel alone and rejected but its not the truth, everyone has bad days, do something to treat urself, take a bath or something and relax.
xx
I HAVE BOOBS!
lol im just really excited that my weight is starting to redistribute the right way. Finally I guess im seeing fat on other places than just my tummy : ((
I had a good day for the past 2 days. Im a litle inconfident today but im watching this anatomy movie with my parents about how much we need fat in our body for nerve impulses and energy and stuff. It’s cool.
If anybody wants to add me on facebook I’m Naomi Garcia. Its the red-head playing guitar
do you think its safe to say that on here?
hate myself… i hate myself. Hate. My. Self. Oh and did i mention i hattee myselfff! ugh i was doing good today, and yesterday too… no binging, no purging. i didnt even want to, i thought i was in control of it for the time being. i will admit i was restricting yesterday but i wasnt active so i didnt feel i needed it. today i was quite active and i was trying to listen to my body and allow myself to have something when i felt i needed it. not perfect but not aweful, and i was seeing the next few days to come in a brighter light. but then of course i had to mess it all up and binge! and i so badly did not want to throw up (i can tell lately that doing that has reallly been taking a toll on my body in a lot of ways) so i didnt, but now im freaking out… im back at stage 1…again! when is this hell going to end?!
btw thanks for the replies
i cant stop one behavior without turning to another, like without the obsession ill fall apart. sounds ridiculous seeing as how its this exact obsession which is ruining my life. but thats how i feel.
what about u?
aliyah, you’re very right about all that. and yea thats exxacctlyy how the cycle goes. i know i need to just stop but i have no idea how i can do that
ilisa, melissa, and aliza… nice to meet u! really! it means a lot to be able to find ppl who are non judgmental and really understand this situation. i hope i can be a support to u as well!
melissa- good tip about writing your fears out so they are there infront of you. im big into writing lists so that could be useful to me! im from canada.. alberta
ilsa- yeah its safe to say that and thanks for the wall comment. ur beauitful also
way to go, im so glad ur feeling positive and happy! im glad ur weiught is re distrbuting and ur feeling gfood about it. well done you
ryanelle-it is obsession, you know when ur mind is not fed properly and consistently obsessive thoughts come into ur mind due to nutrional deficiencies. i hate to say, causei know its so hardbut u really need to stop all behaviours but u dont have to do it in one go.
i think u shud make a little meal plan, like write on a bit of paper the 3 meals, and two snacks and tick them off each day, by eating regularly during the day ur bingeing urges shud lessen, and if ur not bingeing then no throwing up.
then as for restricting, this is teh tough one. Your just going to have to challenge the thought, u dont need to restrict at all, by doing it ur holding urself back, so just stick very rigidly to the meal plan, control that by making sure u eat it every day in spite of how u feel,and how hungry or not u are.once ur body knows it going to get food regularly then the mood swings that im sure u have will lessen.
if u like writing i suggest u write a log of your thoughtd when u feel worst, so if ufeel really awful and need to restrict, write down the exact thought, imagine if someone else said that to u, what wud be ur advice?
for exampole if u got a thought saying, ‘i have hardly exercised, in order to eat today my 3 meals i need to restrict on the snacks’ you havw to challenge it and say no actually im sticking to my little meal plan, my body needs the foo, i want to get better and 2 snacks is not going to make me fat and huge . then test it.
x
heeey im just back from my holidays was in Dumfries
i am getting on alot better now
when we go down there we usually go on cycles and walks so i had to take on extra calories :/, but i realise why now, compared to months ago when i would totally refuse to take on any more food
i am definielty getting a better realtionship with food and discovering what i like and dont like
i am still working on trying forbidden foods, i havent had any bit of my easter eggs yet they are saved for when i feel ready and tonight we are going to my grandmas my family are having a chinese but i am having something else i feel comfortable with
i have been trying stuff like Frozen Yoghurt, Jammy Dodgers, stuff like that
and i never used to really like Macaronni but i am becoming quite fond of it
i do sometimes feel my legs are gettings fat, but ana thoughts come less often now which is good
in a way i am quite proud of myself, i still have a way to go, but i am gradually going to try and conquer these fears 
xxxxxxxxxxxx
i actually sometimes cant believe how far i have come
keep going everyone you are doing sooo well
aliyah- i like the sound of what you’re saying. it actually sounds so simple. i know its not an easy thing for me, but i want to really give it a shot. i want to start right after this next week!.. this week im a bit worried about acually and idk what im going to do… i have a dance competition the 14th-18th. which means im going to be busy basically all day everyday, running around, dancing, and not sure when and what im going to be able to eat. also the stress and commotion of everything and eating with other ppl makes it harder. its hard to plan out an eating schedule when idk exactly what my entire day looks like(where im going to be, who ill be with, what food will be available, what others will be eating, how im going to feel, etc). but right after i get through this i want to start a meal plan. and i want to stick to it. i have one question though… those obsessive thoughts, do u really think they are mainly brought on by the behaviors themselves, and not having proper habits and nutrition? do they really go away after your body is stabilized and your habits improved? do u think some ppl naturally have that sort of mind set, making it harder to get over these things? just want to ask… cuz sometimes it seems so hard and hopeless. (sorry to sound so negative..
)
hey everyone!
nicola- thats great for saving your chocolate! i ate a few bites of mine, and threw it away because i thought i was going to be tempted to eat it.. i should of saved it. thats great!
rynelle – dont be sorry for sounding so negative. ive had more than my fair share of negative posts on this site. im teriffied of what im gonna eat in the mornings because if i eat something high cal, and then we have high cal dinner, ill freak out. i wish i could just know what i was eating every day, right from the begining. is that what you feel like? im begining to not care about what im eating as much though now. when i look back, i realize that i came a long way. i dont meaure anything except for cereal now. not even peanut butter! its ana that is trying to get your mind set onto these things, if it was naturally set..than were you thinking these things before all of this happened? i dont knwo if i answered your question. but i tryed. feel better.!
as for my weekend. it was decent. i only cryed 3times. and didnt cut. ate only 1600cals on saturday..but i dont care. ps. DONT ISOLATE YOURSELF. i learned that the hard way. even if you have to cry with someone. maybe its your dog? just dont be alone.
nicola- ur doing fab, really glad. just keep up the good work, make sure eat enough and try to tackle those fear foods. they really arent as scary as it seems, a few bites is not ever ever going to make u fat.
Ryanelle- well theres a lot of scientific evidence that showsn if u starve urself and not eat properly the normal reaction is obsesive thoughts so i think think its mainly that, becase if u think about it, if it wasnt everyone wud have obsessive thoughts about food.
I mean i also agree to some level some people may be at higher risk of the thoughts because they might have perfectionist endencies, but in essence the thoughts will and do go away, its about time. also teh thoughts are not going to go away until u challenge them so u need a new mind set and lots of food, and i know u will do it.
yeh i can imagine its hard for u to make a meal plan and stick to it, but do make one next week, even if its basic it helps to have it and ill support u!
When ur dancing away, enjoy urself n try to challenge those thoughts, have a meal with others look at what they eat, thats what u shud aim for.its hard but its worth it
aliza- so glad ur feeling a bit better and havent cried as much. recovery is hard but u have come soooooooooooo far so proud of u girl
how much do you have to it for it to be considered bingeing?
the obsessive thoughts are what drove me here. I hated not being able to think about anything else. even giving my bf a kiss “burned calories” for me. it was so stupid. SO eventually after i came here for a while i tried to say to myself every day that it DOES NOT matter. all of those obsessive thoughts about food do go away after a while, if you’re willing to learn that it doesnt matter if you gain weight. if you’re obsessing about dinner, go have a snack or like an M&M.
evey day you have to tell yourself that weight gain does not matter- this life is way way too short to be spent worrying about it. If we all here gained tons of weight but we were exponentially happier, would we ever go back? I know thats a hard question to answer in the midst of ana but i swear to you the answer is obvious from the other side. I have my days as a normal kid. Other days i fall right back in and those are the worst. Those are the obsessive though days when i cant go for a walk because its 10:00 AM and i dont know what time dinner is or what we’re having for lunch. Those days fucking suck. sorry. metting me in person you would laugh, i go to a religious school and nobody thinks ive ever cussed before. I get mad when people even consider killing ants. no joke. Anyway… you can all do it. The thoughts will go away but you have to make a point to love yourself from the INSIDE not the physical stuff. IM teaching my babies that the fat rolls on my stomach (which im sure ill have by then) are beautiful and they should want warm softness on themselves too. <3
trying new foods, especially without nutrition information is SOOOOOOOOOOOO hard!!!! Today at the Cherry Blossom festival in Japan Town I tried this drink called Boba- milk tea with large tapioca pearls and i had NOOOO idea what was in it let alone the calories. I so wanted to barf, I didn’t though. I spent 1 hour freaking out about calories and telling my self 4 oz of milk, tea, and tapioca is not going to make me fat. I’m kinda glad I fought the urge but still kinda anxious. God I hate this feeling, No site promoting anorexia on the web ever talks sbout anxiety and depression and mood swings and isolation and all around emotional pain. They all should.
Recovery is sucha roller coaster, even now. Sometimes all you can do to get through the next minute without throwing up or binging or cutting is distraction and saying you will wait one more and then decide. That’s what i did for an hour today, but it WORKED!!!
I wish so much luck to everyone, it is hellllllllllllla ahrd but we can battle this disorder together!!!! That was cheesy I know.
Rynelle- Oh yeah, I forgot to mention I’m from California. I live in Elk Grove (a suburb of Sacramento) but am attending San Francisco State University. 2 very diffrent cities, and SF is soooooo awesome, you cannot be bored living here!!!!
ilsa- well done for being so positive.
a binge consists of around over 1,000 cals , but its regular if u do it every now and thenits not a binge cause thats normal believe it or not, its if u do it at least 2 x a week and during it u feel cmpletely out of control, and dont feel much better after.
Melisaa- i am so proud of u! that is honestly such a big step foward, and did u enjoy it?
promise.
yes ur going to fel anxiety after and before it, but the thing is u did it, now each time u feel u cant do smething, u need to look bak at that time, and say well i didnt get fat.
and u wont get fat hun
if u listen to ur body, and i kno w that is hard and takes time u will not get fat x
aliza- yes thats exactly what it feels like. and i hate it cuz i know in some ways im much happier when i can go through my days more spontaneously but the anxiety that i get from not knowing what im going to be able to eat or what ill be expected to eat makes me desperate to only do what i feel i can control. if that makes sense. good for you on not measuring stuff tho! that can be a real challenge i know. but if u arent always measuring everything then i think itll really help u listen to your body and what IT wants
i think i had these sort of thoughts before. it was different though, it didnt consume me so much, i still lived my life pretty normally. i wasnt happy with myself though, and i had ideas about how i wanted to change myself, and hurt myself, i just didnt follow through to the same extremes.
i do love my dog though,, u have a point there.
btw i used to cut too! before ana took over i would self harm all the time. then i stopped. then last year it started up again, pretty bad actually… but thats another story. now its better again, but still hard to fight it at times, so i get where you’re coming from. its easier to stay away from i find once you get over the first block of time. for me thats about a month… prob different for everyone tho. isolation is def a big thing too i know.. i isolate myself now sooo badly! i want to change that but its almost impossible sometimes.
aliyah- hard hard hard … but true true true lol im thinking one of the goals im going to try is eating about every 4 hours..no matter how i feel. that way my body will get nutrition throughout the day which will hopefully help stabilize it. and i wont feel deprived and binge because i know that within 4 hours ill be eating again.
melissa- good work! i know that feeling of having to spend forever talking yourself down and trying to relax. its aweful but i guess going through those times is the only way we are going to overcome this horrible disorder. keep it up
try to remember the life you want and who you want to be, then be it 
at least fake it till you make it ! haha (i know i prob sound like a bit of a hypocrite but i do believe what im saying) california?! sounds amazing! ive always said i was meant to be born somewhere like that, rather than here lol
when you have nothing left
no one by your side
alone, you make choises
but what to decide?
the right thing, whats good for me
or a love in disguise.
temperary relief, reasurance
to stop these invisible cries
isolation tangos with lonliness
becoming stronger as one.
to defeat me and strangle me,
and make me want to run.
i cant finish this on my own
i need a savor, a friend
to help me fight
and get my broken soul to mend
SHIT! sorry, this was the first virse..SORRY
this light in my darkness
so tiny, i can barley see it.
but its there,
i admit.