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This is a special new area for people who want to have a small, intimate place to discuss anorexia. It was born via the rather long comment section in an article here on this site about 10 activities that help with recovering from anorexia. I know there are other sites out there who are very good at helping people with anorexia talk to each other; Somethingfishy is the best example. I certainly don’t want to take away from sites like this; they’ve proven invaluable for people who are trying to overcome anorexia.
However, for those of you who want to stay here, I’d like to provide this space where you can talk.
Please be aware that this area is visible to anyone who cares to visit; if privacy is important to you, please use an alias.
This is a place of support and respect, a place for sharing your journey in recovering from anorexia. I will remove any comment that is disrespectful or unsupportive (and, of course, any and all spam).
So … go to it! And if you want to follow the conversation, please don’t forget to make sure you’re subscribing to the comments.
(Btw, if you’re interested to hear what has been written on this blog on anorexia so far, here is the list.)
Here are a few things you may want to start out with:
- Do you get enough support from people around you?
- How do you deal with the roller coaster of recovering from anorexia?
- Have you found a food plan that works for you?
- How do you feel with the feeling of self-loathing that sometimes come up?
- Do you have tips for finding (and staying with) the right therapist?
- How long have you been in recovery?
- What do you do when you can’t stop thinking about the food/weight?
PLEASE NOTE:
Due to the great success of this page, I have now created a new page on this site, to make the large comment/talk section a bit easier to manage. Please continue your discussion here.
(And another note: Any message on this page that seems even remotely like spam will be deleted. This is NOT a place to advertise.)
575 responses so far ↓
1 Aliyah // Feb 11, 2008 at 9:05 am
heyyy
so tell me about urself and ur ED
2 please // Feb 16, 2008 at 9:53 pm
hello everybody…
i am a recovered anorexic. I am pretty young, in the low teen years and about 5 feet. my lowest weight was about 70 pounds. It started when i was overweight as a kid, my mom would always try to push me away from food. i hated it so one day i decided to get healthier. i did a great job and was losing weight in a very healthy way, but then it caught up with me. it was like a competition to lose more and more weight. i saw therapists and nutritionists…….didnt do a thing for me, but i somehow self recovered within a year. I DID IT! but now i am 2 years older and 115 pounds….i feel overweight, short (probobly because of my food deprivation as a child), and depressed. I am now experiencing all the things that went wrong in my body within that year and a half of starving myself. i feel fat and want to lose weight. its true once an anorexic always one. i still have all my past thoughts in the back of my head. i alwyas count calories and excercise excessivly…..but now i feel like i overeat and am unhealthy…. what do i do now?
3 Catherine // Feb 16, 2008 at 9:53 pm
to please,
You are so smart to come on here! I am a lot like you in that I did better once I went back to college and stopped seeing my therapists, although they had helped a lot and I recovered way quickly too. Right now, you need to tell yourself that you are not overweight. You are at a healthy weight and should fight to stay there.
I found that making meals as a part of normal life crucial in remaining recovered (I’ve been at a healthy weight for 6 months now)! I always tell myself that if I eat too little I could lose more bone mass (I have osteoporosis from anorexia), won’t be able to concentrate on school, will be depressed again, and
DUH DUH DUH lower my metabolism. Remember, if you don’t eat your body slows down, so eating often when you’re hungry keeps it up. It’s a very good thing. Your body does NOT want you to starve. That’s probably why you overeat. Or you don’t. ..those like us sometimes can’t tell the difference.
If you want, I can send you my email or a.i.m. sn and we can help each other stay recovered. I’m great now, but I’m always on guard like you.
Take care
4 please // Feb 16, 2008 at 9:54 pm
thanks Catherine
the whole support thing would be wonderful, i really want to feel like a normal person and not always have to think about it. i just want to be a healthy, happy teenager.
5 Catherine // Feb 16, 2008 at 9:54 pm
I would love to help you get through this! When I was recovering I wish I had someone to write to. Hmm I’m wondering how I can get you my email and whatnot without posting it. Any ideas guys? I’m 20 yrs. old and only got hit with this stuff last year, but I’m still a teen at heart! Plus, everyone deserves to be a healthy and happy teenager.
6 daisy // Feb 17, 2008 at 1:12 am
hey everybody…..this is “please”
i feel a little more comfortable about this now….well once again everday is a struggle and i just find myself dieting again beacuse now that i weigh like a normal teenager i feel fat. i just always have to feel like i am thinner than everyone else….even if its a bad thing. it eases all my troubles and makes me more confident
7 pat // Feb 17, 2008 at 9:59 am
I’m sitting in my livingroom watching my daughter sleep. She’s home from college for the weekend and is taking a nap. She is working so hard at recovery, but I can see at times it’s such a struggle. I asked her this morning if there was anything I could do to help her, but she said there was nothing. She tells me my love and support are enough, yet looking at her tiny body just is so difficult. I love her with my whole heart and soul and do my best never to make her feel my pain. I just hope I’m doing enough. I guess I need to know from you all… what is the most helpful thing a Mom can do? I don’t want to ignore the situation, but I also don’t want our whole relationship to focus on it. I just have days when I feel so helpless and alone. My daughter is an incredible young woman and makes me so proud. Thanks for listening!
Love to all of you!
Pat
8 Aliyah // Feb 17, 2008 at 11:48 am
awww you are, love is the way foward
my mums the same she does everything to help me along the way
nd i willll get to the healthy stage i hope
9 Aliyah // Feb 17, 2008 at 11:50 am
daisy, do you not maybe want to try a counceller or therapist, and get all your worries out , im im recovery, i dont know how it feels to be recovered
10 daisy // Feb 19, 2008 at 5:42 pm
to Aliyah, i tried the whole therapy thing it just makes me feel worst..i really hope you get through it, just really work on it….little by little…you’ll feel so amazing and free..it feels good to be able to have a normal life again. minor relapse is always going to be there for a person who once had anorexia…you just have to let it breeze by.
To Pat,
as a young daughter that went through this eating disorder…i know that my mom went through a lot of pain and nights of crying. please be strong for your daughter, understand that she has this as a mental issue too, its not just wanting to skip a few meals, give her time because the less you push her and let her open up the easier it will get for her.
11 isabella mori // Feb 19, 2008 at 7:33 pm
thanks for all the support you’re giving each other.
as a therapist, of course i’m curious to hear how therapy does and does not work for people. i’m really sorry that therapy made you feel worse.
if that therapist asked you what she or he could have done differently, what would you say?
12 Emiy // Feb 19, 2008 at 8:12 pm
Hi My Name is Emily.
I am a recovering anorexic. i have been home from my inpatient program now for almost two months. but, in that time my metabolism has shot up and lowered way down. at first it was over 2000 calories, and then we keep having to lower my meal plan and now it is around 1300, i know that is not normal for a teenager. Is that normal to fluctuate as an anorexic?… should i try to eat more? i am eating five meals a day, and exercising regularly. is there something wrong with me?
13 isabella mori // Feb 19, 2008 at 8:36 pm
hi emily, and welcome to this blog!
what are your doctor and/or nutritionist saying?
our nutritional needs vary very much with age, activity level, weight, etc. generally, 1,300 calories for a teenager is on the low side.
if your BMI is low (which it would be for many people who were in inpatient treatment for anorexia only 2 months ago), then it would make sense to eat more rather than less.
14 Aliyah // Feb 20, 2008 at 3:01 am
To daisy- aww thanks, its relaly hard. right now im on a basic meal plan, but i feel so fat and horrible and bloated a lot of the time. how long did it take for your metabolism to set in, and get faster? I think you should try to feel positiv about yourself, maybe write down a list of all your achievments, you;ve recovered anorexia, if you can do that you can do anything!
you should be proud of yourself, and every one feels fat, its normal, you just need to tell yourself, you’re not goin to let it get in the way, If you eat healthily and exercise regulary, you have nothing to worry about.
and u have everyones support on this
15 Aliyah // Feb 20, 2008 at 3:04 am
hey emily, forstly well done on sorting out anorexia
secondly, i think you should speak to your doctor/nutrionist about this, they will know best.
do u have a mealplan? if so make sure you stick to it.
you could try things like green tea, its supposed to help speed up metabolism.
x
16 starcat // Feb 20, 2008 at 10:02 pm
i actually don’t believe that i’ve been seriously anorexic, but i’ve been dealing with “disordered eating” for about three years now. i’m 5′7 and 110 lbs, which is low but not dangerously so. i don’t fixate on food, but when i’m nervous or upset, i don’t like eating. skipping meals makes me feel good, although i know that sounds weird. i’ve never engaged in the calorie-counting or weight-watching aspects of eating disorders.
i’m actually gaining weight now, which i’ve been trying to do for a long time. however, i’m finding that it’s making me upset in ways that i didn’t anticipate. while looking in the mirror i think i’d look better if i weighed a little more, it feels really weird to have fat on my stomach. when i’m gaining weight it seems to all end up there, which makes me…uncomfortable? i guess? i’m hoping that if i keep the weight, it’ll get more distributed around my body. and yeah, i guess i’m hoping that someone here who’s had to gain weight can tell me how they reacted to it, physically and emotionally. part of me wants to just stop eating and make it go away.
thanks so much for any help.
17 Aliyah // Feb 21, 2008 at 1:51 am
heyy starcat well well done for trying to recover first
and yeah ino how weight gain feels, right now im supposed to put on a pound a week, sometimes its more sometimes less. Its soo frustrating, all m weight has gone to my stomach, which just looks like a constant puffball!
but my nutrionist says, if you keep eating regulary, ur metablism will speed up and this phase will pass, so im sure it;ll be the same for you!
do you want to see a nutrionist or someone?
xx
18 princess1 // Feb 29, 2008 at 2:05 am
Hi
Um this is the first time ive tried to do something like this.
Im 5ft 8 and 116 pounds
My mom doesnt understand all she does is force food on me. I can manage 2 meals a day and up to 3 sugary teas a day.
But when i look in the mirror i still see an ugly worthless fat cow, im worried these thoughts will take over again and I dont want that to happen i know its not good for me
help
19 Aliyah // Feb 29, 2008 at 4:10 am
heyy princess
ino how you feel, my anorexia made me feel worthless and restcritced my eating. You have to see you are an unhealthy weight for your height. You will bring on so many risks like osteoporosis, and i bet you’re feeling cold a lot and unhappy.
and the only way to sort this, is get help. its the best thing i ever did!
its a scary thought, but even if you just go to your gp, or maybe tell your mum how you;re feeling, she is concerned about you
good luck x
20 princess1 // Feb 29, 2008 at 4:27 am
how can i tell my mum all this stuff that goes on in my head she wont understand and i dont want to upset her! she has enought to worry about at the moment.
when i look in the mirror i dont feel like i look unhealthy i feel fat and i try to push it away but then dinner or breakfast comes and i hate what im looking at and if i eat it i hate myself
21 Aliyah // Feb 29, 2008 at 5:05 am
ino exactly how you feel, i have had anorexia for a long time, and i still feel fat, everyt time i eat. But i realise theres more to life than sittin thinking im fat all the time.
if you feel you cant talk to your mum, which ino is really hard, you need to find someone close to you,you can tell. what your experiencing, every anorexia, or does. You are not alone.
and you have to think, and be honest, do i want to get better and be healthy and go out for meals and eat what i want, or do i want to restrict more and more then end up in hospital being fed through a tube.
im always here to help, but you do need to tell someone, even the doctor or a close friend?
22 daisy // Mar 1, 2008 at 4:46 pm
everybody i feel horrible again i want to cry…i cant live like this i have to do it id rather be thin..i dont know what to do
23 isabella mori // Mar 1, 2008 at 5:27 pm
breath, daisy, breathe …
i’m looking at your last post.
you know what it feels like to feel free. you know what it feels like to lead a normal life.
hold on to that memory.
you can have it again.
we’re here for you.
24 pincess1 // Mar 2, 2008 at 9:38 am
Hi Daisy
maybe we should help each other through this I am struggling with trying to be healthy to but we have to do it for our own sake, deep down we both know it will be worth it in the long run.
we both have to be strong ill help you stay stong if you help me.
25 daisy // Mar 2, 2008 at 10:21 am
princess1 i am so up for support and helping you get through this as well. theres just too much around, reminding me of what my mind is telling me to do ans what my body is. nobody understands what i am dealing with, my family and friends…they just want me to eat but its not as easy as just that
26 princess1 // Mar 4, 2008 at 1:06 am
I know how your feeling, there’s so much pressure my mum has been trying to watch me eat at the table now and all i can feel is eyes burning into me!
im trying to eat more but there is still something inside my head that wants me to punish myself for eating so much.
I went to see a concert on saturday and all my friends were drinking and eating and i wanted so much to just be happy like them but when i looked at the plate i just saw my thighs getting bigger etc
In the end I ended up saying i wasnt hungry as I was to excited and my friends finished off the meal.
I had a bad weekend and no amount of talking to any doctor can change the way my mind is working hmm maybe i need a new brain or something?
27 isabella mori // Mar 9, 2008 at 2:38 pm
hi princess1, just thought i’d check in. how are things going for you?
also a friendly wave to daisy, aliyah, starcat, pat catherine and please.
28 worried sister // Mar 9, 2008 at 3:41 pm
Hello everyone. i am the sister of a girl with anorexia. it is very scary and im pretty new to it. she just started to admit she has a problem and she has all the symptoms. since most people commenting on here have had eating disorders i think this is the best way for me to educate myself. how should i deal wiht her? should I try to talk to her about it? please help me!
29 worried sister // Mar 9, 2008 at 3:46 pm
well there has been news since i last posted a comment. we did talk but i just cant seem to convince her she is not fat and a little weight will not ruin her running career. she is a very very good runner and has even gone as far a federations. but she is not happy and i can tell. it hurts me to look at her and i just wish she could eat and be happy again. it has been so long i have forgotten when the last time she really had fun was and the last meal she has eaten. she says she just wants to be happy but not gain any weight but i am worried about what that could do to her. i realize she might have complications trying to get pregnent or she could get serioulsy ill. since most of you are going through wat she is can you give me advice and help me know what to tell her. i feel like she realizes how hurt i am and i am trying to stay strong and not cry infront of her but is that the right way to go about this. please help!
30 Aliyah // Mar 10, 2008 at 4:19 am
heyy just feel i need to express sumf eelings
i feel so bd just now,recovery seems impossible
its so draining and daunting.
mealtimes re suprislingly ok, its just i hate my body.
my body image seems to be gettin worse s i eat more
31 princess1 // Mar 10, 2008 at 8:40 am
help
i cant do this I want to be skinny and leaving this group I need to be skinny again. its all i can think about know one can convince me im not fat I can see it when i look in the mirror! a big fat cow
32 worried sister // Mar 10, 2008 at 10:32 am
lately it has been better. we talk but i still feel like im not getting through to her. she is not fat and i wish she would realze tht. since most of you are anorexic answer this. how come you feel like your fat when your not. and who is it you are worried would care if you looked what you think is fat but what everyone else sees as super skinny? helppppp.
33 worried sister // Mar 10, 2008 at 10:34 am
princess1 - you are not fat. you are not a cow. do not worry about how you look. i can tell just by your comment that you are unhappy. dont be unhappy please! i am a not skinny but healthy looking girl but i am happy. i can work out and eat without questioning myself to much and i am here to tell you there is hope. you will be okay and i am proof that being happy feels so good. i want my sister to be happy and i want you to also. you dont need to impress anyone as long as you are happy.
34 pincess1 // Mar 10, 2008 at 10:36 am
the person in my head tells me im fat!
it tells me to loose weight and shows me weight gain!
just one more pound it never stops!
every pound brings pleasure and pain as its not enough
your suster needs to be admitted to hospital she has a mental condition like most of us and it needs to be shut down!
35 pincess1 // Mar 10, 2008 at 10:40 am
i am fat
fat fat fat a big fat cow
36 isabella mori // Mar 10, 2008 at 12:33 pm
hi guys, it’s isabella.
i’d like to share something with you.
at a support group where i meet, there is a guideline: “when you share, please focus on recovery. focus on what will help you and others move forward.”
do you think that would work here, too?
37 Heather // Mar 10, 2008 at 4:01 pm
I am 20 years old and currently suffering from anorexia, its hard becaues i want to recover and i want to gain I just cant seem to do it. Everytime after i eat something that i wouldnt normally i feel guilty and awful … so bad that i get a burning feeling in my stomach. I want to recover so badly i am so thin right now that i cant even find a pair of jeans that arnt baggy. Does anyone have any suggestions to get over the fear that i am facing right now? i want to get better just cant seem to do it. Everyone in my life says just dont think about what your eating just eat it but they dont understand the mental aspect of eating for me. Any suggestions would help thanks.
38 Aliyah // Mar 11, 2008 at 8:11 am
yeah im recovering nd i still get guilty feelings
i strongly urge you to see your doctor n get councelling. thats what i did, and its helping me slowly.
slowly but surely i am gettin better. i could never find jeans or clothes to fit me, but slowly i am now, and its a hard struggle but ino its worth it.
and the eating but is the smallest part of recovery, the rest is the important. for me its my self image, and how ipercive myself. you need someone to talk it through and help you with
good luck! you cn do it
x
39 princess1 // Mar 11, 2008 at 8:24 am
i relapsed today i ate laods and felt so bad i threw it all up again now i feel crap
40 Aliyah // Mar 11, 2008 at 11:37 am
awww relapses are a normal and natural part of recovery
you should try to keep yourself occupied after a meal, for 40 mins or so in order to prevent yourself from purging. such as studying, goin for a walk or talkin on the fone to someone.
try not to feel bad, use the feelings its given you- makin u feel bad and crap to prevent you doing it from next time
i feel crappy cause i had a really big dinner, but i sat on the internet and read up the negative effects anorexia can have on my health and body to stop me from throwin up
and it worked
you should try it
xx
41 rynelle // Mar 11, 2008 at 10:54 pm
they say when you’re recovering you are supposed to be extra sure to eat many small meals a day right? but how do u manage that? i have such a hard time getting myself to eat that often and so i usually end up eating one meal a day…one that is way to large.
42 princess1 // Mar 12, 2008 at 12:45 am
its a question of if you dont eat it you’ll be ill thats what I tell myself eating is making me better and beautiful like the thoughts from ana but reversed!
ana makes u feel fat if you eat i look at it like if i eat this ill be slim and healthy todday although i have to convince myself for about 45mins to eat something but i do end up eating it.
Aliyah, thaks for the advice i had breakfast and walked my dog for 30mins it took my mind off what i’d just eaten as i was running around with my dog and plating with him.
thanks for the advice x
43 Aliyah // Mar 12, 2008 at 7:59 am
princess 1- aww thats sooo good. keep it up!
ryanelle- you should try and see a nutrionist, mines helped me devise 3 small meals with snacks inbetween. so i have a small brekafast, lunch n dinner at set times, and snacks at set time
x
44 rynelle // Mar 12, 2008 at 8:04 am
i know i have to eat to be healthy which is what i really want more than anything…im a dancer and if you dont eat right you can get seriously injured. bcuz of my disorder i have already had some minor injuries which i need to take care of properly…but every minute of life is a struggle against myself. sometiems its the hardest thing to go against what a huge part of me is saying which is to not eat. often if i have food infront of me that i know i should eat i will sit there forever looking at it, unable to do anything at all..i cant eat it but i cant not eat it..its so frustrating i dont know wat to do, i just feel myself wanting to cry
45 rynelle // Mar 12, 2008 at 8:12 am
i also just started going to a dietition who specializes in eating disorders..she is really nice, i feel more open with her than my actual therapist.. we have only had one meeting so far though. the first goal she set for me was to drink at least 2 glasses of milk a day but i havent been able to do that bcuz since i started eating again my stomach seems to be really sensitive to alot of things, such as milk. i have been told it is all in my head but idk..
46 Aliyah // Mar 12, 2008 at 8:13 am
awwwww ino hpow you feel there, i had a time, where my anorexia was so bad i no i had to do something. and constantly i had two opposing voices in my head ”EAT ” and ”DNT EAT U FAT UGLY COW” . but isaw as i ate the voice calmed down, i thought of all the positive things i have to look foward too, for you think of ur dncing future nd how you dont want it ruined.
Would you rather be in hospital or at home sick, and injured and unable to dance, nd wishing you had ate, or be dancing ?
its hard, but you can do it!
47 princess1 // Mar 12, 2008 at 8:16 am
wel maybe you should attempt half a glass of milk at least.
it doesnt matter who you feel close to as long as you are able to open up to some1 thats great
48 princess1 // Mar 12, 2008 at 8:30 am
Aliyah has a point hun think positivly and it will be ok : )
we all have our good and shit days bu its worth it in the long run! if we carry on there are so many things that will go wrong you cant have kids your insides fail etc its worth eating to stay healthy better yet your saying a big FUCK U to the voice in your head!
49 rynelle // Mar 12, 2008 at 9:02 am
yeah thankyou. one of the biggest reasons i started trying to recover was bcuz of the dancing…i was getting to a point where the teachers didnt feel comfortable with me dancing and doing jumping exersizes and things that involved alot of cardio..soon id be sitting out instead of dancing. those voices are exactly what is in my head but it seems as one gets louder saying i should eat, the other one comes right along with it screaming out how fat i am and that i dont deserve the things food can give me.
50 rynelle // Mar 12, 2008 at 9:11 am
the half a glass idea is a good one.
my stomach is so wierd lately…i get these really severe pains. they sort of feel like hunger but im never sure bcuz they are really painful and sometimes its even after iv eaten something that it comes. i also get them sometimes only like two or three hours after eating, even if it was a good meal..size and nutrition wise. im never sure what to do. if its hunger i dont know why and i dont want to eat seeing as how i just did and i dont want to be over eating. any suggestions? has this ever happend to you?
51 princess1 // Mar 12, 2008 at 9:19 am
take it slow hun it will all be ok we’ll get there x
52 rynelle // Mar 12, 2008 at 9:22 am
thx. my patience is something i need to work on..
53 isabella mori // Mar 12, 2008 at 11:53 am
hey everyone
it’s really interesting to hear you talk about the voices in your heads.
i’d like to put together a post that talks about ideas on how to deal with those voices. would you people be interested in working together on that?
isabella mori’s last blog post..wordless wednesday morning
54 rynelle // Mar 12, 2008 at 12:03 pm
i would forsure!
55 starcat // Mar 12, 2008 at 1:24 pm
congrats on eating rynelle! the stomach pains might partially be due to your body not being used to digesting food. your stomach shrinks when you don’t eat enough, so part of recovery is stretching it out again (lovely, i know…). that’s why they have you start by eating lots of small meals… it took me awhile to be able to distinguish between stomachaches and hunger, but the more you can eat on a regular schedule, the better you’ll get at it. when you get used to it, you’ll probably notice you start feeling hungry around meal times.
the hunger thing was actually what made me realize i was really messing with my system…when i realized i couldn’t tell whether i was hungry or not i was like eeek.
on a completely different note:
pretty much every woman in my family has struggled with eating disorders at some point. my little sister is doing okay so far, as far as i know. she’s 14, and she’s really interested in trying out dance, gymnastics, etc. my dad’s worried that she’ll end up with body image issues from this…i guess i kinda worry too but i also think she should get to try things. but then she told me she was interested in rhythmic gymnastics (search for it on youtube if you haven’t seen it before). when i looked at the video clips i was stunned by how tiny all the girls doing it are. she’s doing it with my mom and my dad doesn’t know about it so far. i def. don’t plan on telling him, but i’m sort of thinking i should maybe mention something to my sister, although at the same time i don’t know what to say. comments? ideas?
another odd thought:
after years of telling myself i wasn’t eating due to stress, blah, blah, blah, i’m finally acknowledging that i haven’t been eating because i don’t want to gain weight. i guess acknowledging that is kind of the first part of dealing with it, but it’s also pretty difficult emotionally. i’m trying really hard to focus on being healthy instead of being thin, but i’ve gotten used to being small and part of me doesn’t want to change.
and a final thought:
when girls in my dorm who are obviously healthy start complaining about how they gained 5 pounds, i get aggravated.
56 starcat // Mar 12, 2008 at 1:31 pm
wow, sorry i just posted an essay…
57 pincess1 // Mar 12, 2008 at 1:50 pm
essay!!!!! might take me a while to answer all them
58 rynelle // Mar 12, 2008 at 9:29 pm
thx starcat. ur probably right about the pains..i never know wheather im hungry or unable to deal with the food i last ate..its really messed up.
as for your sister as long as she is acting normal i wouldnt say anything to her..who knows if those thoughts might set off something..but be careful. the minute she starts acting strange(luckily u know wat to look for) u should talk to her.
i also know wat the wanting to stay small is like. at dance i stare at myself next to other ppl in a mirror for hours. im used to being the thin, smallest one next to everyone(eeven tho i didnt see it that way) and now im ..well normal sized but it doesnt feel or look right to me
59 starcat // Mar 12, 2008 at 11:34 pm
oh yeah, just for clarification, i’m at college across the country from my sister, and i won’t see her til june :/
rynelle, i totally know what you mean. not that i took dance. but just that i was used to being light when someone had to be picked up to reach something, and being able to fit in small places. and i used to think i’d be more attractive if i gained some weight, and my arms had a little fat on them, and i had like a butt lol, but now that i’m gaining weight it’s basically all on my stomach and hips, which is disappointing. oh well. i keep telling myself that being healthy is the top priority, which it is of course, although sometimes its hard to keep that in perspective.
60 Aliyah // Mar 13, 2008 at 4:59 am
heyy i just need a buit of support
recoverys so hard just now, its such a contant battle
im eatin more and more, and my weight is going up, and its scary. i used to always be the thinnest, and now im moving away from that role.
i just dont fee comfortable in my own skin
any tips?
61 princess1 // Mar 13, 2008 at 5:53 am
hey hey hey!
stop thinking that way right now!
its not about being the thinnest its about being healthy you know that I know you do!
put little post it notes around places where you go for food e.g the frige etc and write positive things today e.g if i drink this milk i will have srtong teeth today.
i know it sounds childish but its helped me when I have been looking into the fridge feeling sick because im scared of eating anything then I see a little positive note and I think hey this is good for me and it helps
try it and let me know what you think.
x
62 starcat // Mar 13, 2008 at 10:37 am
i find that when i start getting freaked out over not being thin it helps to write down things i want to do in life: sail around the world, have kids, go skydiving, learn to surf, have fun, make every day count. when i take a longer view like that, i realize that struggling with an eating disorder is really the last thing i want to be doing. i need my body to be healthy because its functionality is really way more important than its appearance. and i know that i’ll function better when i’m healthier.
the kid thing especially makes me think, because that’s one where you really need all the extra nutrition (especially calcium) that you can get. i want my body to be in good shape by the time i’m thinking about having kids.
63 rynelle // Mar 13, 2008 at 12:41 pm
i know how u feel. its like being a different person from what you were..one who u feel is too big. try not to focus on how the size of your body is making you a different person..think of how the things making you different are ur higher energy, ability to focus, better mood, ability to connect with ppl more, and ur over all health. these are the bigger more important things that will make you a different, HAPPIER person.
just keep on goin:) dont give up, you can do it!
64 Aliyah // Mar 13, 2008 at 2:17 pm
thanks guys!
i can do it, i had a big dinner and everything, and i enjoyed every bite
starcat yeah i wll try that thanks a lot!
65 princess1 // Mar 14, 2008 at 12:49 am
Well done Aliyah I knew you could do it!
66 Aliyah // Mar 14, 2008 at 8:14 am
i have one question to ask, like im on a mealplan, and its quite basic, and my nutrionist said when my weight stablises they will add more, but my weight is takin ages to stbalise. im jus wondering, does anyone have any ideas as to when it mite? its been about two months n im eating the same things every day yet puttin on weight
x
67 rynelle // Mar 14, 2008 at 11:50 am
im wondering the same thing aswell. its been about a month for me and it feels i couldnt possibly put on more weight..its come back sooo fast. its scary
68 isabella mori // Mar 14, 2008 at 12:16 pm
aliyah and rynelle - are you discussing these weight issues with your doctor, nutritionist and/or dietician? i wonder what they say …
it’s possible that your bodies have quite a bit of catching up to do. i know BMI is a very rough measure of healthy weight but still it might be interesting to see where your BMI stands.
oh and - what other things beside weight are interesting to you? what else could you be keeping an eye on?
happiness? contentment? number of smiles a day?
69 Aliyah // Mar 14, 2008 at 12:29 pm
my nutrionist sid its becuse my body is still getting used to food, she said it will eventually stop.
all my weights gone to my tummy though
my bmis about 16 i think
70 isabella mori // Mar 14, 2008 at 1:09 pm
if your BMI is 16 then you still have quite a ways to go to 18.5, which is considered the lower end of a healthy weight.
yeah, that’s a bit of a bummer when it all goes to the tummy. remember that from an evolutionary point of view, fat protects, in a number of ways. it protects against cold, damage and starvation (e.g. the long winters some people used to have to get through without much food). i recall reading somewhere that belly fat is a better energy storage than other types of fat; maybe your body is just sending it where it thinks it will most likely protect you from further starvation.
71 pincess1 // Mar 15, 2008 at 1:09 am
im sure it only feelslike the food is goin to our tummys in actual fact i think because we’vve starved outselves of fool so much most of it is being used as goodnes the rest i guess leaves when we go to the toilet!
72 worried sister // Mar 15, 2008 at 4:42 am
princess 1- it sounds like you are doing better and im happy! have you ever been admitted to the hospitol? SHe wont go. she has extmremely good grades and is one of the best runners in our section. my mom says its probably better if she goes because then they will feed her. she realizes she has a problem but my sister is to afraid to gain wait. did u go to the hospital by choice or were u forced. she is about 5′3 and a half and 97 pounds. its bad but im afraid for her to go. keep trying and you will better. ik its stupid coming from me but im excited for you to be happy and healthy. i know you can do it!
73 rynelle // Mar 15, 2008 at 2:28 pm
all the weight iv put on has gone to my tummy aswell. iv also been told that my weight will change around a bit as my metabolism gets back to normal. its really discouraging tho..even if i dont eat very much i feel like a fat blob. and yes..my stomach is the most frustrating thing for me
74 Aliyah // Mar 15, 2008 at 2:42 pm
ino how u feel ryanelle, but i try to think that in the end its going to be worth it. our bodies just need to learn to trust us, again. It so used to the restucting and starvation it has to know we wont be doing it again ( which we wont !
) and then we can look foward to a more normal and faster metablism 
also for bloating, i eat activia yoghurt, and try not to drink fluid with my meals as this leads to bloating for me, i usually have it a while after.
xx
75 rynelle // Mar 15, 2008 at 11:30 pm
hmm yoghurt? i should try that. thanks. and yeah i often feel as though drinking water after i eat will make me feel less full but it always makes me feel really grose. how long do u have to wait?
76 worried sister // Mar 16, 2008 at 4:59 am
Yogurt also has protein which is a good way to get some protein w/o eating meat. my mom makes my sister eat it
77 Aliyah // Mar 16, 2008 at 11:14 am
ryanelle- usuallyabout a few hours
ive been reallly good followin my mp to the bone this week.
i dnt really feel hungry but i just eat. I feel better after ive eaten.
But yeah eat small bits regularly. it helps speed up the metabolism.
78 rynelle // Mar 16, 2008 at 1:41 pm
what are your meal plans like? i try to eat regularly but it can be pretty hard, especially when i dont have a mp and am really busy
79 Aliyah // Mar 16, 2008 at 1:44 pm
well try and have like carbohydrate and a protein for lunch, so like a sandwich or baked potato
dinner is the same, carbohydrate nd protein, so like rice and chicken or something.
breakfast i usually have one slice of toast nd orange juice with a yoghurt
and i have two sncks of my own choice, so usually like a cereal bar or fruit.
all healthy and spaced out
what kinda thing do u have?
x
80 princess1 // Mar 17, 2008 at 12:51 am
breakfast- usually a yoghurt or fruit
Lunch - sandwhich
dinner - something like a jacket potatoe or yea chicken n rice is v.good vegetable stir fry is also good.
(worried sister i’m doing a lot better thank you)
Aliyah how u doin?
81 worried sister // Mar 17, 2008 at 2:43 am
Is it nromal to gain back weight very fast?
82 princess1 // Mar 17, 2008 at 3:21 am
depends how fast you mean.
83 Aliyah // Mar 17, 2008 at 4:02 am
princess 1- yeah im ok. im puttin on like a pound and a half every week, cuse im eating more and reulgarly, which seems so fast but im ok, cause i want to get better.
how you doing?
x
84 princess1 // Mar 17, 2008 at 4:08 am
yea i’m doing well, I’m putting on about the same
bread and pasta are great gor helping weight gain!
85 Aliyah // Mar 17, 2008 at 8:02 am
awwww thats good
i feel a bit better cause i know im not alone.
ive done well today too, followed mp to the bone
i still feel negtive and fat a lot though. my jeans are fitting better, one part of me is proud, and the other is a bit annoyed for letting myself put on the weight.
x
86 worried sister // Mar 17, 2008 at 2:02 pm
she put ona pound in one day which comletly runined her day. she said shes the type of girl who is going to need to eat grapefruit nad carrots her whole life. she thinks she is diffrent but i dont think so. she is 5′5 and 97 pounds bt last night she gained to 98.5 is tht to soon? she said she didnt even eat alot yesterday.
87 starcat // Mar 17, 2008 at 3:02 pm
worried sister-
it’s totally normal to gain or lose a few pounds in a day, just depending on water retention and how much you eat and your menstrual cycle and that sort of thing. my ex boyfriend’s weight would actually fluctuate 8-9 lbs in a day. most people probably gain or lose 1-4 lbs. one of the problems with weighing yourself every day is that those small changes seem significant, when usually they aren’t.
88 isabella mori // Mar 17, 2008 at 4:47 pm
ever heard the expression, “scales are for fish, not humans”?
89 rynelle // Mar 17, 2008 at 8:46 pm
those plans look good. iv gained alot of weight in a short amount of time too..it can be discourageing. i dont have a meal plan ..everyone just sorta hands me a bunch of food they think i should eat. it makes things really unbalanced
90 worried sister // Mar 18, 2008 at 2:52 am
thnk you star cat. im glad.so the best thing to do is probably weigh in every other day? i hate the scale it ruins everything. how are you doing lately?
91 princess1 // Mar 18, 2008 at 3:17 am
worried sister- you know you may get more information out of your sister by just talking to her and telling her how you feel, for me I realised i was hurting my family and that was a turning point.
does she know your talking to us on here as if my sister had done something like that behind my back it would have made me worse at the time.
Your her family and by talking to her maybe you can swing it round as the only answers your going to find on here are our own personal experiences and they’re all going to be slightly different to what your sister is going through.
Every anorexic is different hun.
please, talk to your sister about how you feel.
92 Aliyah // Mar 18, 2008 at 10:06 am
weight flunctuates so much, you should try and weigh weekly, and get a rough indication of the weight. My weight flunctuates a lot due to water retention.
dont worry about it
Ryanelle you should make sure you have all the food groups included in your diet
im havin a bad dayy today, dont feel too good. we have lots of guests coing over, and i feel anxious. I get wary of people commenting me
93 rynelle // Mar 18, 2008 at 12:38 pm
..i feel the same way today..i cant seem to eat a whole lot. i saw my dietition today and she set some goals for me. it seems like a lot of food and things i need to think about.
aliyah i also know how it feels to be comented on and how wierd it feels..at dance its hard to get away from. just hold your head up high and remind yourself that you have what it takes to get through anything. confidence is everything! as long as you have that, no one will judge u.
good luck!
94 Aliyah // Mar 18, 2008 at 12:50 pm
thank you!
i feel like i can relate to you so much!
i felt really bad after dinner today, its just such a battle everyday, but i guess its one that needs to be won
what are your goals like? and just think of a days food as one meal at a time. Like when you get up think of breakfast only and not lunch or dinner. i find that helps me more
x
95 worried sister // Mar 18, 2008 at 2:08 pm
princess1- i try to talk to her about it but it just makes me upset and i feel like i have to be strong for her. i dont want to cry becasue ia m worried she will not be able to stay as strong. your making me feel rele guilty right now that she dosent no i am using this. i just dont want her to find out. your right. i think i jjust needed to talk to someone about it necasue i dont want to tell all my school friends cause we go to the same school and i dont want people looking at her diffrent.
96 rynelle // Mar 18, 2008 at 3:04 pm
i know. its a hard road. when i first decided i had to change what i was doing i didnt realize how difficult it would actually be. recovery can be harder than the actual disorder itsself. just keep pulling through…for u, for me, for everyone who loves you!
the goals are about certain things and the amount that i need to try and eat at certain times throughout the day. i am all about goals so i get very upset when i cant reach them…im not so sure i will be able to follow totally through with these goals, at least not right away which is pretty discouraging for me
97 Aliyah // Mar 19, 2008 at 2:38 am
just do your best.
try and break up the goals into little bits, to make it seem less. or do half a goal anf build your way up.
dont get upset, look how well youve done so far!
its a tough journey but you will get there
98 princess1 // Mar 19, 2008 at 3:00 am
I didnt mean to make you feel guilty hun
I just think its best you talk to her, My sister spoke to me about it and yes we both cryed and felt down, but at the end of the day it will bring you closer to each other and she’l respect you more for being honest. x
99 rynelle // Mar 19, 2008 at 11:58 am
yeah i have come a long way..just some days it feels like im going right back to square one.
100 Aliyah // Mar 19, 2008 at 12:03 pm
aww i know exacrtly how you feel
its like a vicious cycle.
your not alone though, always remember that, and you have the strength withing you to win.
i feel bloated nd ‘yucky’ 2day, just trying to ignore these negative feelings somehow…
101 Heather // Mar 19, 2008 at 1:09 pm
hey… just in need of some encouragment ive been trying to eat as much as i can but it seems to get me no where
i just feel awful after i eat and find myself avoiding it more and more which is not good. when i do eat i feel bloated and disgusting i want to get over thinking and feeling like this. ive been tryin to get into see someone but im on waiting lists its horrible .. anybody have any suggestions to help me while im waitng for professional help
102 Aliyah // Mar 19, 2008 at 1:30 pm
yeah, its hard, but your not alone
make a list of all the things inur life u want to achieve like for me its going to uni, and thats not possible unless i get rod of anorexia
then every time u eat
think of these and you should feel better
also every time you eat, do something after to keep your mind of it, such as goin for a small walk or sittin on the internet
eat small bits regularly too, and just try to enjoy the taste
x
103 rynelle // Mar 19, 2008 at 1:55 pm
k im starting to get scared…those same thoughts are really taking over the last few days. it seems that im starting to listen to the anorexic voice more and more. i dont want to go back but yet my mind keeps telling me i do. im finding it alot harder to fight it too. the last few days i havent really talked to anyone about how i am feeling either. my closest friends are already kinda stressed with their own stuff and i hate being the extra burden, always complaining. what do i do?
104 Aliyah // Mar 19, 2008 at 2:34 pm
talk back
shout back
say to the voice i will eat! i need to eat! i need to eat to live! wy should i be miserable and hungry!
i am lookin fowrd to my lfie without you
just let it out
but eat. the mor eu eat the more the voices start to go awy
the voices have gotten less for me as i ignore it every day at every meal and snack
its not easy no, but its gott be done
you can do it!
105 worried sister // Mar 19, 2008 at 2:39 pm
your right and we have tlaked a littlte and she said thank you for being so cool about this right now im trying to eat healthy to get in better shape and she is constantly on my back about me eating and im not trying to loose any se4rious weight so idk why shes worried but i feel like since im trying not to eat rele bad foods i am showing her like well your making me eat more then you or shes like you didnt eat a big breakfast so i shouldnt either. i dont want to set a bad example for her and she isnt exactly one to talk about me eating alot or little. i wonder if she hears the voices people tlak about but she still pretty much denies being anorexic. she says she hass “disordered eating” ughh idkkkkk..
106 worried sister // Mar 19, 2008 at 2:39 pm
your right and we have tlaked a littlte and she said thank you for being so cool about this right now im trying to eat healthy to get in better shape and she is constantly on my back about me eating and im not trying to loose any serious weight so idk why shes worried but i feel like since im trying not to eat rele bad foods i am showing her like well your making me eat more then you or shes like you didnt eat a big breakfast so i shouldnt either. i dont want to set a bad example for her and she isnt exactly one to talk about me eating alot or little. i wonder if she hears the voices people tlak about but she still pretty much denies being anorexic. she says she hass “disordered eating” ughh idkkkkk…..
107 rynelle // Mar 19, 2008 at 2:51 pm
im trying to say those things and it works for a second but i cant seem to really over power the bad thoughts. and to get myself to eat is even harder
i dont wanna ruin things now. but now is also the time when ppl are thinking that things are better with me and they dont have to worry so much since im at a normal weight again. i hate being a burden but having ppl focusing does actually help weather i want it to or not.
108 Aliyah // Mar 19, 2008 at 2:54 pm
dont think about others just now, jus think bout how you feel just now
jus keep doing
picture urself, ill , hungry, cold n isolated
and say well if i dont eat thats how im goin to be forever.
theres are for us, only benefits to eating.
ino its so so hard, but just keep trying
each day at a time
it’ll get easier at it goes
uno theres books n stuff about peoples own journeys thru their recovery, mybe that will help?
x
109 rynelle // Mar 19, 2008 at 3:05 pm
okayy.. thanku so much
ill keep trying. i know i cant give up. and ur right, being that way isnt worth it. i just want the voice to go away and let me be me.
110 Aliyah // Mar 19, 2008 at 3:07 pm
it will eventually. just going to take its time, its goina fight hard
im goina get the name of the book that my counceller recomondedn i’lllet you know
its just about a womens own personal revoery story, but think it’ll be a gd help for both of us
sumtimes i just need to read, n feel tht imnot alone in this, and there are soo many people going thru the same thing.
x
111 *HeAtHeR* // Mar 20, 2008 at 6:51 am
Hey everyone! I just want to say how impressed I am with this website! As a 16 year old currently working on my recovery of anorexia, I can honestly say how great it is to find a website that is supporting recovery. That being said, I really do need some help, encouragement, and support in my own recovery. I have struggled with my eating disorder for about 3 years now, and this 3rd year has been completely focused on recovery. I never imagined how much stress, frustration, hopelessness, and unhappiness recovering would bring about. For about 6 months now, I really feel like I really come to a stand-still in my recovery. Physically, I am about half-way recovered, and mentally… well that can change from day to day if you know what I mean. I saw a therapist for a year, and that seemed to do NOTHING to help me. My biggest problem now is that I am CONSTANTLY thinking about food, calories, what I am eating, etc. It has become like ocd and consumes my life. I have strict schedules for eating and plan out my meals before I eat them. I feel so stuck and alone. My anorexia was mainly brought on by a rebelion towards my parents. I still feel like recovering would only be giving in to what they want. I am afraid of them seeing me recover since I know its want they want to see. I don’t feel comfortable at home and am basically miserable. I have no one to talk to about this other than my mom, and trust me, that’s not a good thing when she’s one of the reasons I’m hanging on to this. My environment (home) is such a block for me!! Please!! I need some help and support!! I just want to get rid of these thoughts!
112 Aliyah // Mar 20, 2008 at 6:54 am
heyy yeah it feels good to share ur story doesnt it
all i think about is food, what im eating and how mny body looks too.
your doing well though,half way there
do u go to councelling or anything?
113 *HeAtHeR* // Mar 20, 2008 at 11:51 am
not anymore… that really didn’t seem to be helping me at all after going for one year. its just that ive been ‘halfway there’ for 6 months!! and my mental thoughts just seem all over the place! it gets so frustrating sometimes. and i really don’t trust my mom to talk to her and we really don’t get along, so its so hard to deal with everything without support.
114 *HeAtHeR* // Mar 20, 2008 at 11:54 am
ive heard that most people have at least one friend who they can talk to about this and trust and gives them support or whatever. but for me, i honestly don’t have ANYONE! augh! it gets really tough not having a friend in this!
115 Aliyah