This is a special area for people who want to have a small, intimate place to discuss anorexia. It was born via the rather long comment section in an article here on this site about 10 activities that help with recovering from anorexia, which was then moved here and then here.
A great, huge, big, humongous thank-you to all the contributors. Your fierce commitment to recovering from anorexia and your loving support for each other have truly surpassed my wildest dreams. This is what I wanted when I first created this site! I am humbled and honoured.
Please continue sharing and using this space here.
(I also know there are other sites out there who are very good at helping people with anorexia talk to each other; Somethingfishy is the best example. I certainly don’t want to take away from sites like this; they’ve proven invaluable for people who are trying to overcome anorexia.
However, for those of you who want to stay here, I’d like to provide this space where you can talk.)
Please be aware that this area is visible to anyone who cares to visit; if privacy is important to you, please use an alias.
This is a place of support and respect, a place for sharing your journey in recovering from anorexia. I will remove any comment that is disrespectful or unsupportive (and, of course, any and all spam).
So … go to it! And if you want to follow the conversation, please don’t forget to make sure you’re subscribing to the comments.
(Btw, if you’re interested to hear what has been written on this blog on anorexia so far, here is the list.)
Here are a few things you may want to start out with:
- Do you get enough support from people around you?
- How do you deal with the roller coaster of recovering from anorexia?
- Have you found a food plan that works for you?
- How do you feel with the feeling of self-loathing that sometimes come up?
- Do you have tips for finding (and staying with) the right therapist?
- How long have you been in recovery?
- What do you do when you can’t stop thinking about the food/weight?
Disclaimer: This site and this page specifically are not meant to be a substitute for face-to-face professional advice. If in doubt, or in an emergency, please visit your local health professional.
I guess I’m the first to post here! I’m so excited to have found a few people here to talk to and get to know, but I still feel like I’m really new to this community. Please introduce yourself to me and tell me your story and your process of recovery. We can never have too much support. And what’s great is that we’re all from very different parts of the world, different cultures, different situations to extremes. Let’s grow off of each others’ recovery and let’s all become partners in returning to a balanced, healthy, love-filled place in our lives.
I’m 21 and I’ve been going through recovery since August 2009 for anorexia/bulimia-binge/purge. I live out in NY but for my recovery I’ve been back at home, Vancouver, Canada. I need as many tips and support as possible. Every second of every day is such a struggle for me still.
Hey, im 16 years old, live in massachusetts, and my problem was brought to the surface in july 2009. i continued to get worse until recently when they said i might need to go into an inpatient program. since then i gained 4 pounds and im really not proud of it, which is a problem (im 5’8” and about 104lbs if it matters…). I have been eating SOO much more and enjoying the tastes, but i don’t want my body to change at all. At first i felt horrified when i gained a bit and i still fear going out of my comfort zone.
i really do want to be normal but i feel like the only thing i truly will be happy with is if i could go back in time and just live in my 12,13, or 14 year old life which i loved so dearly. i am so extremely jealous of younger kids because i want to be them and be carefree and love candy and ice cream and run around because its fun and not because it burns calories. but, i know i am only going to get older, so i feel depressed.
i quit therapy because it truly angered me and made me worse. i do better with just trying to live normally with my family’s support.
i just cant see myself being happy unless i could just be a little girl again instead of just growing “horizontally”…
Hey Hazel and Jilly. Third one to post here, and I feel thrilled! Hehe, it’s always exciting when there’s a new page.
Hazel, I answered your questions to me on the first page just to let you know, and I need to eat better recently. Although I do not count, I am aware that my eating times and patterns aren’t quite great. So I really must eat a full meal, and I said to my mother that I would rather go out to eat than cook since I can’t be bothered cooking a meal. I’ve only eaten some hashbrowns and one egg for the day, and I woke up around noon. It still isn’t very good, so I am going to eat a full meal at the restaurant (the one with most calories and nutrition) and when I get home, I am going to have dessert (fruits, ice cream, and whatever else I feel like!). Haha, I am so excited.
Jilly, I can totally relate to you. I am 16 years old, too, and I miss the younger years of my life, but for me, I miss being 11 or 12 since I started having problems once I hit my last preteen year. I get jealous (but not in like a hateful way) of younger kids, too. I wish I was so carefree like them!
I also am quitting therapy because like you, I got stressed from it. It feels horrible to have people constantly calling you and reminding you of how messed up you got indirectly (whether or not they intend saying that) all the time. It’s just that I find it better when I take things on my own pace and do things my own way. In fact, I didn’t really get any therapy for my eating disorder even though I did go to an ED clinic. They just checked my weight, height, blood pressure and all that to make sure I was okay, but aside from that, not much has happened.
Well anyway, hopefully my health workers won’t be too stubborn and will let go of me easily.
I guess I’m still wavering back and forth with the physiological feeling of eating. The feeling of “fullness” physically makes me ill and vomit. It’s a terrible feeling. I’m trying to correct it by taking meals super slowly and very small amounts, but to make up for this, I SHOULD be eating more frequently. But I am not. It’s not that I’m scared to gain weight, it’s that I’m never actually hungry, so if I try to eat even a little bit of anything when I know I should, I fear it will make me feel ill. I am on medication for this, to prevent me from vomiting. But I am still completely able. It still comes too easily for me.
Why was therapy stressful? I don’t like the reminders all the time. It kills me. Especially if it’s from my mom. I wish she would just let me make mistakes and learn from them. Especially slips that have to do with my bulimia. My therapist told me to talk to my mom and let her know that food is not my primary problem. Food is just the way that I chose to deal with my major problems and issues. But for my mom, it’s just about the food. Just eating more will solve everything. No. That is absolutely wrong.
Hazel, keep on going. You’ve already made the first step, and even though food isn’t really the problem in the sense that you are stressed out by your emotions, it is a problem right now since you are coping by using food.
I know that deep inside you are aware that by coping with food is only prolonging the process of finding other methods to deal with your stress/problems. You must find other ways in order to move on; you deserve to move on.
I know it’s hard, but you can move forward – even if it’s only in baby steps. Keep on going.
Yeah, I’m definitely proud of taking the first step. Admitting to my unhealthy methods of coping, escaping life because I wanted to become so small and thin to speak with my body, not my voice…
I’m having a hard time lately trying to maintain a straight face when my mom asks me how I’m doing. I say that I’m doing okay, but last night, I vomited after having some pizza. My mom wasn’t home. I cleaned up but I woke up this morning with the toilet seat up… She isn’t awake yet, but the toilet seat being up means that either she cleaned the toilet, or my brother came upstairs to use the bathroom, which is highly unlikely. If she went anywhere near that toilet, she knows. Mother’s intuition?
I’m going to my therapist tomorrow, I’m going to try to ask her what I can do to take my mind completely off of food. I’ve found that shopping is probably the best thing for me, but when I was talking to my mom about this, she said that shopping is yet ANOTHER way for me to mask up one problem. I need to dig deep down and find WHY I’m always finding excuses to hurt myself.
I’m going to leave the house soon this morning to go to church. Religious life is something I’ve been excluding from my life, especially during the months in the recent past when my bulimia was at its worst.
What do you all do to “take your mind off of things”?
Hey Hazel. Well done for getting better. I tell myself by eating I am getting healthier and that helps. To take my mind off things, I read-twilight books are amazing,listen to music,watch dvds,play nintendo ds and wii, chat to my friends,go for a walk and …sometimes study(Doesn’t happen that often lol)
Hey Aliyah, Hows uni going? Ive exams coming up next week:(
Hey Nature? Hows things going for you?How was ur wkend? How long did it take you to get your period back? Ive been at my ideal weight for 2 months now and it still hasn’t come:( Also im not happy with my weight gain. Does it definitely redistribute. It feels like it wont:( However on the positive side. I went swimming today and thought I would be really unfit because I had not exercised in so long. Also the last time I went was when I was 5 stone and extremely weak and could hardly swim a length. However now that I am at a healthy weight and eating properly I had the energy to swim 40 lengths.:) Was so happy. Although part of me was wanting to lose weight while the other half of me was just wanting to get fit. I just hope I don’t exercise excessively again. Im gona try not too.
Hope everyone is getting on well:) xoxox
Hey everyone!
Hazel, I kept my mind off food by telling myself that I needed it like Amy did, and soon after eating, I’d occupy myself with activities such as watching TV or listening to music.
It’s so true that you need to find something that is healthy for you and is also a way to cope with stressful situations. Are you a religious person? If so, maybe praying and such might be beneficial for you. Think about what else you used to like to do before all this happened. Unhealthy coping methods rob us of our true identity. We need to get them back and start being our true, healthy selves!
Amy, I had to be at my ideal wait for around 3-4 months until my period finally came back. It’s different for everyone, and I heard some people can even take up to half a year! Your body just needs to start trusting you again, and by you eating well it will! Just need a wee bit of patience,
.
hey guys!
well, things have just been weird…but in a good way i guess! For the past few days i have kept on eating granola. i used to avoid it because of the fat and calories, but its so yummy! try it!!
yestorday i had to go to the dr for my weight check for the firt time in 3 weeks and i had gained a lb. now shes letting me do track!!! YESS , but i have to keep my up.
hazel, just a few days ago i was purging when i felt i went out of control… it was horrible and uncharacteristic of me. my weight had actully went down 3 or four pounds… this made me relize that, yah, im in control…but it dosnt mean anything b/c its just making me freeze in my tracks.
sometimes i think that its just time that makes me feel better. if i start thinking that i dont want to eat so i can be comfortable and lighter, sometimes i go lie down and nap and wake up and im just naturally ready to eat and be normal.
after all, if things did get bad, we’d be sent to a clinic that would force food into us. why not just do it ourselves and ENJOY the yummy stuff?!?!
wow, i should revise my posts before i submit:: i meant to say i need to keep my WEIGHT up
hey, i am currently recovering from anorexia and i feel like i have gained so much weight i hate it my clothes feel tight and i feel like i cant stop eating .. i dont weigh myself because i think it will only mke me feel wose i get weighed once a week t the dieticians but i said i didnt want to know my weight … but because i feel i am putting on so much weight i feel like i need to do something to get it all back off ..
would be grateful if anyone would like to talk x
hi emma. i know EXACTLY how you feel!!! its just not a good feeling but i think that ive figured out that its really just anorexia playing with our minds. if we werent plagued with the stupid disorder then we would be feeling better: more alive, energized and happy. but instead we feel worried beyond belief and our mind tells us that we’ve gone
OUT OF CONTROL. it stinks to know your getting bigger , but the reality is that in the end its not worth it to give ana so much undeserved attention. when we forget about it and remember when we were happier, we can aim towards a better lifestyle and we WILL be so much more gorgeous that way.
i can also tell you from experiense that you should probably just ignore the feeling that youve gained a thousand pounds. i went camping over the summer rigfht after the dr told me to put on weight. at that point anorexia really had me in its grip and i kept feeling heavier and heavier and worse and worse. when i got home i felt 5 lbs heavier but i was 3 lbs lighter. this shows how we have to just kick ana in the butt and be normal and happy again. i would have had so much more fun camping if i didnt have the disorder. i would have been eating yummy candy and i wouldnt have had any restrictions put on me.
It is so true what Jilly says Emma. There is so much more to life than food, and anorexia will only kill you in the end. I know it’s hard to feel that you deserve a better life sometimes, but you DO. We all do!
I’ve had so much trouble with the relationships I’ve had with my family, but it is finally starting to clear up and get better. I am happy right now, and have been for quite a while! No more crazy ups and downs in my mood, and I am utterly thankful for that.
I am also getting a kitten in December (one thing that the ED made me forgot about was the love of animals I had within me), and I can’t wait to give the kitty so much love and care!
We all have things that make us happy, and it might seem small to others (or maybe even to you as well) but if it makes you happier, why not go for it?!
This is about regaining your life back! So try your best to eat and remember what you enjoyed the most in life!
Lots of love xxoo,
Nature.
does anyone ever have those days when you want to eat and eat and eat but the whole time you wanted to stop cause your not even that hungry? and then you feel horrible and that you should just eat very little for the next day or two… i get like that a lot…
also, has anyones hair stopped coming out? if so any tips on that and how long does it take?
Oh definitely, I had so many days like that! Sometimes I still do, but very rarely. It does take time to go away, but the only way to overcome is to KEEP eating.
Your hair will get healthier the same way. Easier said than done, but as long as you eat your body will repair everything!
Sorry I’ve been so out of touch! I’ve been so into my treatment and therapy lately. And this Monday with my therapist was a huge break-through session! I will write more about it soon.
My eating is getting easier, smoother, more comfortable, but I’m still STRONGLY resisting the urge to purge. But I’m getting much more comfortable with an increased consumption amount…. I don’ know how long it will take for my “tendencies” to go away, but I hope it’s soon. I’m putting 110% into it.
thanks nature.
well, for me things aren’t too rough. i like to eat (especially ice cream!), but i get so worried about not having the body i want and i get worried that ill be disgusted when looking in the mirror… the anxiety hasnt been too bad this week.
Nature, you said you were 16 like me and i just find it comforting for some reason! do you mind if i ask you about yourself? like how long have you been in recovery and what kind of struggles have you encountered? Do you play sports? and how do you feel about transforming our body back?? truthfully, i like having a skinny figure, but i do like food. too bad the two dont go together, but its more important to be able to ignore stupid things like that anyways! i feel rather spoiled too, ecause im naturally slender and i feel like i havnt counted my blessings
Hey Jilly!
I like to eat, too, haha. Umm, naturally, I am small in stature (around 5’3″ or 5’4″ right now) and I think I am normal, but like 90% of the people I meet tell me that I am slim, too. However, I am at a healthy weight and having my periods, so I guess it’s all good for me!
I’ve been in recovery since around March/April, so it’s been about 8 months now. I find that the eating part is easier to recover than the relationship you have with your own body. I admit I skimp here and there at times, but I never calorie count, and my weight has been the same for a long, long time now. I sometimes am afraid that I’m going to get fat or something (especially when I’m doing nothing at all in terms of exercise), but truth is, I KNOW I’m not fat at all and that my weight has stayed the same for half a year now!
Umm, the troubles and obstacles I faced eh… lots of conflicts with parents, fear of getting fat, and not wanting to eat when something upsetting happened. Also, after I first started eating, it was painful for my stomach and uncomfortable. When the weight stuck around my tummy, I freaked, haha, but it will go away.
I still face issues with the relationship I have with myself. I still think I’m fat here and there, but it doesn’t affect my eating. It’s just that there’s so much more important things in life than food and weight. And the truth is, you’ll never be fat. You’ll become healthier by eating. Eating is just the way to go!
Oh, another important thing is finding what you like/love to do and rediscovering what’s important to you. When you’re stuck in an ED, life is glum no matter what and you can’t appreciate what you have as much. For me, my boyfriend is very important and special. I’ve known him for three years, and he has been with me through all of my struggles (anxiety, depression, eating disorder, suicide attempt, self harm, etc). I guess we both matured by being with each other.
Also, I love animals and nature. I’m getting a kitten soon, and I am so happy about it! You just have to find things you love, and do them again! If it doesn’t make you happy the first time, try again and again. It’s in you, it’s just the ED covering the happiness up. As long as you keep doing it, you’ll find joy in it again!
If you have any other questions, feel free to ask,
.
I am 15 years old and just recently came to the fact that i have a problem. I don’t eat. I go days without eating and then on a random day i will eat just a little bit. I always feel fat and i hate looking at my body in the mirror. Everytime i do i find something else wrong. And i still want to loose MORE weight. I don’t think i can tell my parents or anything. I’m to scared to in the first place. My mom has said that she thought i was to skinny a couple weeks ago…i didn’t think so. I thought i was to big still. My best guy friend has been trying to help me overcome this but it’s not working..I don’t know what to do at this point in my life. It seems like everything is going wrong and i honestly don’t want to be alive anymore. I don’t see a point in it. I mean of course there are days when i think life is all good and dandy but it just seems like things always catch up to me and tear me down. i don’t know what to do about the whole anorexic deal though…i don’t want to say i am…but i don’t know..
hi diandra
thanks for joining us. you will be talking to people who have been in your shoes, and who can support you in sorting this out.
do you have the crisis hotline for your city/country? if you ever feel like there is no point again, i want to ask you with all my heart to call them … (if you don’t have the number, let me know where you live and i’ll post it for you)
sorry never got back in touch before thanks Nature and Jilly for your advice really appreciated it
… i have just read wht you have just been writing and i feel exactly the same i like to eat, which i feel is really bad myself but cant help it .. and also feel guilty if i dont exercise after eating alot… my hair also still falls out which is annoying as i love my hair … how long have you all been recovering if u dont mind me asking x
hey girls! i love it when i get an email saying theres new posts :]
Nature, thanks for responding! i feel like we share a ton in common. i love love love nature more than anything and i also love my 2 cats! they make me feel better all the time!! also, i freakkkkk out when i see my stomach popping out the slightest bit.not fun. i also felt so depressed at the beginning (like 2-3 months ago) but now i dont cry as much. ive never had a boyfriend, though and i havnt been trying to get one either b/c i havnt met anyone i like too much
Diandra, good thing youve relized that what your doing is scaryyy bad. i know was hard for me to even be convinced that i shouldnt exercise and cut dont my food intake like i did. the truth it your body could shut down, so help is what you need!!! plus, after those really tough first steps, you can start to see a better way of living even though it seems impossible. sometimes i can see a happier me and sometimes anorexia makes me feel like the skinny me is the only happy me.
and i totally am with you, emma!! i like really want the flavors now, but i hate the consequences. i also feel the need to be burning all my energy off because, lets face it it feels good to accomplish a good workout. i hate being reliant on food and lately i go through days with very little calories on purpose so that my weight wont keep going up. then the next day when i have “room” to gain weight, i let myself eat yummy food. this is just bad, and i know it… & my hair used to be gorgeous (although id never say that really) but now its wayyyy thinner and ugly.
oops, i didnt meen to put a smile face up there haha
Hi,
I happened to come across this site on a day in which I want to get better, but feel awful for what I have done. I have been battling with anorexia for over 4 years now. I started treatment, meeting with a counselor and nutritionist about 2 years ago, but stopped meeting with them after the counselor said she didn’t know if she needed to meet with me anymore. The nutritionist didn’t help much at all. There was no eating plan provided and just suggestions to improve. My eating was much better then, but now, it has worsened. When the counselor told me she didn’t think we needed to meet anymore, I went with it. She wasn’t helping and I didn’t feel like I was being honest enough with her anyway. I am 5’5 and a little over 90 pounds. I know it is too low. I know I need to gain, but the thought of gaining too much is the scary part. I just want things to go back to the way they were before I came to where I am at now and have been unable to find the magic wand to make it all better.
hi rochelle, and welcome!
just very briefly ..
i know, gaining a lot is a very scary thought.
what would it be like if you ate just a BIT more today?
and just out of curiosity – did the food suggestions to simply improve work for you, or do you think you would do better with a clear food plan?
hope you feel better when you read this …
Hey Jilly, Emma, Diandra, and Rochelle. Welcome to all the new girls here,
.
Jilly, I went through major depression, and it is NOT fun. The best thing I’ve learned is changing your behaviour patterns. If a negative thought pops up in your head, think about it and see if it’s all that rational. I am sure that you wouldn’t want anybody to feel the way you do at times, so why would you deserve it? You DON’T.
And don’t rush sweety,
. My boyfriend and I met just when we turned teenagers. We were so young and foolish back then, and I was still able to hide my problems, but opened up to him after some time over a year of knowing him. Back then I hid everything to myself, and was very distrusting of people since I didn’t want to be hurt yet again.
Emma, you’re very welcome! Come whenever you want to or need to. Somebody will respond for you, (:.
Sorry, sometimes it doesn’t send if I do a big post.
Diandra, I’ve been exactly where you were about 8 months ago. I can promise you, life is worth it. Please, don’t do what I did back then, that was the stupidest thing I ever did. I put my whole family and boyfriend through one of the most painful things in their life when I tried to end my life.
I know it might seem like that nobody cares, but I can promise you that people do. Please, you are worth it. Keep on fighting.
Rochelle, it’s so hard. I wished so many times for that magic wand. I kept questioning myself, why isn’t this love I get enough for me? Why can’t I stop? Are these sicknesses more important? Why cannot I believe that things will get better if I just let go?
And letting go is the scariest thing. We get so used to these dysfunctional lifestyles, but we know the truth. We have to keep fighting and fighting. We have to take a stand and say, no, I am not letting this illness take over me. I deserve to be happy. Easier said than done, but we ALL deserve a happy life.
Lots of love to you all,
Nature.
Oh, Isabella, I tried calling, but it did not get through. I haven’t been around on much here recently, but I was successful in terminating the therapy. Thank you for your support, though!
Thanks for all of the encouraging words..but now it just seems like it got worse. My closest guy friend told me he doesn’t want to be friends anymore. So he walked out of life just like a lot of the people do when they find things out about me.
I don’t look at the scale very often because it’s pretty much my worst enemy. I weighed myself yesterday and i weighed 120. To me…that’s what to high. My mom, my dad and sister are all over weigh and i don’t want to end up like that so that’s my biggest fear. And i want to weigh 110. But i’m not sure if that is to low. I’m 5’4 if that helps any. I feel like i’m being watched all the time and that i’m the black sheep of the family. i have 7 siblings and feel lift out a lot. I am the middle child and it really feels like i am all the time. And when i’m upset, i don’t eat. When i feel fat, i don’t eat. And when i do decide to eat, it’s very little. Fixing this is sooooo hard and i don’t know if i can do it. Never in a million years did i think i would have touble eating food. I just wish that i was back to the person i used to be. The happy, healthy, fun, bubbly girl. I just am starting to not see myself be here ever again.
hi diandra …
what kinds of things did the happy, healthy, fun, bubbly girl do? is she still doing some of it, at least in a small way?
I used to love to dance. And theatre has been a big part of my life. I used to really enjoy doing it, and then things changed. And i’m at where i am now. I’m still involved with the theatre but i pretty much dread going to rehearsals and things for the musicals. They were all really big parts of my life and now…i don’t enjoy them as much. So yes, i’m still doing some of it. but the love for it..is gone. I don’t feel like going anywhere or doing anything..
Hey Rochelle – I’m at the same body stats as you and a lot of what you wrote correlates with my life. I’m fighting anorexia and binge-purge disorder. It’s incredibly scary for me to eat but not because of gaining weight, it’s because I’m unable to sit and digest food very well any more. I’ve been prescribed some drugs to help my intestines better digest the solid foods I consume, but I still can’t eat the amount that I would like to, and in return, I’m not really gaining weight and I’m stuck at 90 lbs ant 5’5″.
But what I definitely am grateful for is the therapy and support that I’ve been receiving in the past few months since I submitted myself to recovery.
This website also really helps me to vent out my fcelings to people who understand the struggles that I’m dealing with.
My parents are incredibly supportive. My mom does so much reading and research so she can try to “put herself in my shoes”. Of course, she cannot. But she’s trying to understand the best way to “cure” me and help me feel like I’m in a safe and comfortable environment.
Anyways ladies, best of luck x 1000.
I feel stronger each day. I hope you do too.
Thanks for the message Hazel. How long have you been anorexic? Not doctor diagnosed, but when you first realized that you had a problem? How old are you? Really looking for someone that can say, eat, just eat….it shouldn’t be that hard, but for some reason I have been unable to let go. I want to have a baby so bad, but its not happening. My doctor is prescribing me meds so that it will. She’s supportive and the absolute best, but I want it to happen now. Waiting……how to find the switch that says everything is going to be okay if I eat something.
Hey girls, how’s everyone?
I just got back from my part time job, and kind of tired but will have dinner soon.
Rochelle, one of the biggest reasons I decided to get better was so that in the future, I’d be able to be a mom. I just adore and love kids.
Just remember, you will need to eat A LOT to support a baby. It is another human being, and it needs to develop and grow well. I am sure you don’t want your child to be born premature. I know you might want to have a baby, but it might be better to wait a bit until you can comfortably eat. It would be so horrible for you if you lost your child due to anorexia.
Best of luck, and keep fighting!
hey,
yestorday i ate a lot and at night i kept on thinking that i will lay off the next few days so im not so stressed to eat a lot on thanksgiving… but i woke up and i felt strong enough to eat eat eat. i ate a lot today and i feel like a pig. and i still want more food. and im not physically hungry. i hate feeling like a pig and im going to regret eating so much later. i know i need to eat more though because i start track next week. Please help me deal with this :[
Hey Jilly!
You beat ana SO BAD there, I am so proud of you!!! Just know that you need this food and energy to do track + you also need to gain weight. Your body definitely needs this, and it cannot run without its gas (food).
Just remember, a bite more is a step closer to getting rid of this disease and becoming happy. You’ll be able to be fit, healthy, and exercise like you used to before. You’ll have more energy and you’ll be able to perform better. And you will NOT become fat. I have done nearly zero exercise for over half a year, and my weight has been the same. I eat as much as I want to, too. I know it’s scary, but I guarantee you, eating will only make you healthier!!!
Best of luck,
Nature.
hey nature, thanks i appreciate your wisdomm and encouraging words ;] i need that!!!!
its just that i cant stand to think im going to go out of my comfort zone and for some reason i think im going to miss being skinny mini (???)
Hey Jilly, (:.
No problem at all. That’s what we’re all here for – to help each other.
I know it’s your comfort zone at the moment, but this “comfort zone” is a bad place for you since it keeps you stuck in the vicious cycle of exercising, eating little, and losing weight. We don’t want that! You don’t want to die, and you deserve so much better.
I assure you that once you reach your healthy weight and eat properly, you will look so much better + be healthier. Like I said in the post above, eating will only make yourself healthy. You will NOT become fat. You’ll be able to have better results in track and stuff, too!
You’re doing really well, so keep up the good work, (:.
today i went into the bathroom and the scales were just there on the floor… and i havent weighed myself for so long because i didnt wnt to know, but today i just couldnt resist and i got on them, i wish i never now because it has made me depressed and made me want to slip back .. i hate my body so much but feel like i hve no1 to talk to about it which really upsets me .. x
thnaks natue
your such a help, and i know i hate that stupid vicious cycle that gets me nowhere!
And Emma!!! IM WITH YOU. just yestorday i cheked my weight and i was scared because that was the first week i really stuffed myself regardless of my fear of gaining. and guess what…the number instantly depressed me and i ran upstairs crying but then an hour later i realized it was silly to care and i wanted some pumpkin ice cream (ITS ACTULLY REALLY GOOD!) i was really hesitant but its so yummy and i deserve to feel happy and i knew my body wasnt going to expand into fat. weight is weight. we have to get over it no matter how hard it is. once we can say “who carss” we will feel better and more free and we’ll definitly have more fun at parties and thanksgiving and christmas.
lets do this together pleaseee! lets both say who cares and eat some cookies because they are yummy and ana will crash and die with the more people that can fight her off. we arent pigs and food is good. lets convince ourselves of this!
Jilly, you’re sounding so much more positive than the first few times you’ve posted, and you’ve made sooo much progress. It’s so good that you were able to allow yourself the dessert, keep up the awesome work!
Emma, what Jilly said is sooo true. Who cares about weight and numbers? It doesn’t make us a better person for god’s sake!
I have school in the morning and I was running late, so my first meal came at around 1pm (didn’t have time for breakfast). I was really craving mashed potatoes for some unknown reason so I went to the closest fast food fried chicken place and ordered the chicken + the potatoes,
. I was like, “Wow, I’m eating junk that’s pumped up in lots of calories because of the fat,” but I just told myself who gives a damn? and ate everything! Needless to say, food is yummm, (:.
Hey everyone!
This is my first time posting on this website. While reading a lot of your guys’ posts so many feelings and actions were/are so similar to you everyone. Although I didn’t know that i had an eating disorder when my dieting started I have had my eating disorder for almost 2 years. It started out as orthorexia (obsessive healthy eating) and transformed into anorexia:( To sum up a very long story I was miserable, exhausted, cold and unsocial from about Oct. 08-April09. I agreed to try out an inpatient program on the premise of being able to come home at any time. After about one week, I decided I hated it and informed my parents that i was coming home. However, my parents had other plans! My mom said that she could not live with herself if she let me come home and I never got better or died from my horrible illness. I was furious at the time, but now I only have a touch of resentment because I ended up loving the other patients.
I have been home for a little over 5 months. I left the hospital 1 pound over my lowest healthy maintenance weight. Over the course of the months I have been just at my maintenance or five or so pounds under. Although it eating good meals and snacks has become pretty routine for me I still have strong eating disorder thoughts at times, measure food, count calories and struggle with eating out. Over the past 2 weeks I have done really well. I have only exercised twice in the past week… I think the last time that I missed that much exercise apart from being in hospital was two years ago!!! Today I got my period for the first time in almost 2 years! I feel a little bit happy because I think this means that I don’t have to gain anymore weight, but I also feel sad because I don’t want to be grown up. Because I have my period, does this mean I can stop gaining weight? You guys are all great. Although, part of me is deeply sad that I am giving up my eating disorder I know I don’t need it. Let’s face it all it makes us was depressed, anxious, obsessive, and no fun to be around. None of us deserve that.
xxo abbey
thanks nature, im trying my hardest to stay positive-because being negative accomplishes nothing in life and we need to live life to the maximum!!! However, i struggle with the bad feelings alllll the time. i usually get irritated after i just let myself eat whatever…i always want to go back in time, which i silly.
Abbey, good job on physically beating ana. I know its so so so hard mentally. Now that your body is stronger than ana, your mind can start to mend. i struggle just like you, but i know we can be happier without the crappy feelings that ruin us. i, too, always feel the urge to have my eating disorder control me-i sometimes think it makes me feel better and happier…like the e.d. gives me purpose and without it im a bit lost. I NEVER WANT TO GROW UP! i wish i lived in neverland with peter pan everyday and i miss being a carefree little girl (who would down candy all the time and stay a little twig). weight freeeeeaaaks me out, but thats really going to prevent me from having fun. i am totally ntisocial now and i dont actully want to be social (dont ask me why) but alls i know is that the holidays would be SO much funner if i was back to the way i used to be. if i wasnt afraid of gaining weight, id be having really yummy things like carrot cake without being depressed after. i cant wait until im stong enough to enjoy that part of life again, but i still hate the fact that food is such a big thing now. its all i think about and i hate that!!! guh i wish there was an easy answerrr!
Hey Abbey and Jilly, how are you all?
Abbey, you’ve come such a long way, so give yourself lots of credit for that. Periods are kind of funky… mine kept going and coming whenever… even when I was much lighter than I am now. Finally, I started to have them continuously when I reached my healthy weight. The doctor told me once you have three in a row, you’ll keep having it as long as you eat properly and don’t lose weight. I think it’s best for you to keep eating well and see what happens.
Jilly, I can totally relate on not knowing who you are without your problems and coping methods. I’m kind of at a loss right now, too, since it’s so foreign for me to NOT have negative thoughts running through my head and for me to NOT resort to destructive behaviour. The problem with me is that I keep falling into bad behaviours one after another if I stop one, so I really must try hard. I am relatively well right now, and I have to keep telling myself that there are tonnes of better options to cope with stress than being a harm to myself. I guess we all have things we should fix about ourself, eh?
Either way, wishing all of you the best.
Lots of love,
Nature.
Hi, my names clemmie and I have had anorexia for 6 years. I have been in hopsital twice and the second time after treatment i thought i was better but i wasnt. In the last 2 months I have lost 1 stone in weight and have gone from 8st to 6st 12. My main problem is that i gain weight so so quickly. I know that i must put on weight because i want to get better but the problem is is when i get to a healthy weight i continue to put on weight and then i panic and restrict food again. All i want is to be a healthy weight and not keep putting on weight. Will this ever happen?? I juust want to break this vicous cycle but i am worried that in 6 years I have done irreversable damage to my metabolism and have slowed it down so much that for the rest of my life i am going to have to watch what I eat. It’s such a horrible feeling because i want to be free of this horrible disease and get on with my life but i jsut cant because when i keep putting on weight so easily i fear that i will carry on putting on weight until i am overweight. Please help
Jilly, thanks for the advice:) I wish I was the girl equivalent to Peter Pan A LOT of the time. Before your ED were you social because I was before and then when I was really into my ED I was incredibly antisocial and all I wanted to be was alone. I am just starting to be social again. As far as the holidays goes I would love it if we were all able to enjoy the holidays! Last year I was so miserable because I let my ED control me. This year I’m not! I know it wont be like ive never had an eating disorder but heyy we all deserve to enjoy our favorite treat foods! You can do it, I know you can!! I’ve been doing really well with treat foods lately and for me the only way to do well is to practice. YOu deserve to have carrot cake..and if your ed tells you your wrong imagine if you have little siblings cousins ect were asking you if you could have a piece of carrot cake you would never say NO!
Nature, hopefully then Ill get it consistently. In the past couple weeks I’ve had the least amount of eating disorder thoughts that I’ve had in what seems like ages and I know its freaky. . the only way that the panic of omg i need them will go away is by not listening to that voice. And i definitely know what you mean about the coping strategy.. whenever anything goes wrong my immediate instinct is to restrict but lately I haven’t been.
Clemmie, its not too late!!! Don’t be alarmed about your easy weight gain because starving yourself slows down your metabolism soo much. I constantly worry about constant weight gain too. I’m pretty sure that because you have been struggling with your ed for a while your body does not know what to expect. So it will take a while of regular healthy eating after you have put on more weight for your body to trust you. I know that this is not what you want to hear, but the only way to get on with your life to its full potential is patience and determination… Often I dont have determination to stay at my weight but I use others determination. If we continue to abuse our body, the harder the dammage will be able to repair. Sorry ive completely rambled..
Take care of your selves and know that its ok… more than ok its what we need. xo abbey
oops, Jilly, I meant that if your little cousins or siblings act were to ask you for a treat or food you would not sayNO and tell them to starve.. hope this makes sense
clemmie- hi there im aliyah
i know exactly how u feeeel, i had anorexia for about that time too, and it messed uo my metabolism. im gna tell u the truth, but the only way to get ur metabolism working normally is to eat regularly and eat well, because the more u eat the faster ur metabolism gets.
if u starved urself for a long time, ur metabolism is going to slow right down, and for a while u mite gain weight, but it DOES slow down, and i promise u that, because thats the bodies natural instinct. it doesnt want to make u fat, it wants to be at a weight that it works best at.
i suggest u make a meal plan, and follow it, never miss meals, it will confuse ur body and mess up ur metabolism.
i know its hard but if u do it now, ull thank urself later.
you are strong and u will get thru it!lastly remember ur not gaining weight, ur regaining what u lost
Thank you, it’s so much better knowing that other people have succesfully acheived this. Last time i did try it I mangaed to get to just over 8 stone and then i kept on putting on weight so i paniced and lost it all agin. This time i know that i have to do it properly , do you have any ideas for good meal plans?? Strangely i do enjoy food but it’s just i hate that i can’t enjoy it without worrying about weight gain.
thanks god that i have this place to come to, it does help a lot to relate to eachother.
thanksgiving…i ate A LOT and wanted more and more. i had a 2mi race in the morning and i also went for a walk and bounced on the trampoline. thennext morning i was petrified to wake up and face extra weight…my cuiosity brought me to the scale and i was actually at my lighter weight…odd. i hate this cycle and i hate caring!
CLEMMIE! I LIKE FOOD TOO and ana wrecks it. i always get close to asking to get some candy but i stop because i know that i will feel angry at it. i wish i could be carefree about it seriously…it seems that every time i feel better and eat a lot, it haunts me and i want to get it off!
i think you should just really focus hard on eating like grain and fruit at breakfast (like cerial and an apple) , grain dairy and fruit/veg at lunch. 2 snacks of whatever your heart desires, a dinner with lots of vegtables and a glass of milk and of course lots of protien (like meat if you eat that or beans). then, before bed, always have a nice bowl of delicious ice cream of any flavor you want. but only have one or two bowls…as overbundence of food always seems to trigger the ana.
ive heard that 3rd world countries with less food dont have eating disorders as ofter. it makes so much sense to me. if my mom would control my snacking and portions like when i was little, i feel like the ed wouldnt have came…just a though but idont really know